“… whole lotta lovin’ for a handful of nothin’…”

All of my recent ruminations have me thinking of life’s myriad possibilities.

As a service to myself, I’ll write the lessons I did get from my mom (and, to a lesser, extent my dad).

1. Women will not love as you are. You must give gifts, be funny, be witty, be talented, have a good job, be polite to a fault and obsequious. You should in no way be aggressive, demanding or disagreeable.

2. Women do not enjoy sex. It is an obligation they will fulfill – begrudgingly – if you do everything “right”.

3. No matter how badly a woman treats you, you deserve it. You have fallen short in some area and you must rectify the situation by being even more understanding, tolerant, etc.

4. She is right; you are wrong. If you believe yourself to be right – think again.

5. You should suffer any and all inconveniences quietly, should it benefit her in even the smallest way.

6. If a woman is not interested in you, you’ve played out of your league.

7. A woman will never love you as much as you love her. Expect this.

8. In the unlikely event a woman feels she loves you more than you love her, she should leave you immediately.

9. You are too “needy” and “overly sensitive”. Just buck up and take what’s dished out to you.

10. Give everything; take nothing.

11. Men should be fought, disagreed with, challenged at the drop of a hat; women are exempt all such barbarity.

12. Lead men; obey women.

13. Do not dress/have your hair in any manner which is not socially sanitary.

14. If a woman does not immediately respond to your advances in an obvious way, leave her alone. Women never communicate in any manner but the most literal and clear.

15. Even consensual sex is close to rape; go slow and make sure she is truly willing (she must state this clearly and openly – no subtext or subtle cues)

16. Your interests/pursuits are foolish and beneath quality people. Give them up.

17. Never ask for help – that is weakness and you’re bothering people with your selfishness. Be a man; stand on your own.

18. Everyone knows more than you do.

19. Sex may or may not be a biological need but you should be above such crass and imposing desires. Women find such things disgusting.

20. Everything you do is flawed/insufficient.

21. It is exhausting to compliment/emotionally support you; have some self-confidence/a sense of self-worth.

22. If you made a “good” decision, it’s because we taught you well; if you make a “bad” decision, the fault rests solely with you.

23. Be yourself – unless it is contrary to any of the above.

 

It’s taken me nearly a decade to get out from under this pile of bullshit.

And I’m still working on it.

Now, I never give the number of sexual partners I’ve had, but it’s funny that most women who know me now assume it to be in (or damn near) triple digits.

Had I not been inculcated with all of the above nonsense, it’s very possible that would be the case. (Considering I still did better than many men, even with my tremendous handicap, it may be likely.)

I also find it amusing how many women believe men should be the more experienced of the two genders yet society does nothing but celebrate and praise female sexuality while constantly and consistently vilifying male sexuality.

This produces modern primitivism.

Meaning, a small percentage of the male population mates with the preponderance of the female population.

Since only the “bad boys” will disregard such “valid” criticism.

My prediction (although that’s an unfair term, it’s already a reality) is that the overwhelmingly vast majority of men will end up with women that are far more sexually experienced.

This makes neither gender truly happy.

Regardless, I’m left to regret.

Oddly, and terribly from a philosophical standpoint, not my misdeeds but my “proper behavior”.

I was told (lovingly) to “count my blessings”. Yet, how more numerous would those blessings be had I been profligate? (Rather, profligate sooner in life) Incalculably so. Make no mistake, I do not bemoan the lack of a reward. Rather, I bitterly resent the punishment for following instructions. To be crude, knowing what I know now: I’d have gotten more kitty than the SPCA. Tall, dark and cocky. A hard-drinking, smoking musician. Gives people shit (playfully) and takes none. Sure, I’m grateful that I worked hard to learn the lesson. I’m glad it’s paid off in spades over the past decade. But, oh, the times that could’ve been…

Ω