“Imma run a backhoe n’ uproot that tree…”




I recently read in a female friend’s blog:

“While walking down the path to my front door, I glanced past the clovers as I usually do (always on the hunt for 4 leaves) and realized “love” is much like clovers – you can sit in a field, picking through dozens of 3 leafed clovers, but it’s only when you stop looking that the 4 leafed clovers find you. You never find the 4 leafed ones when you’re looking, they just randomly draw themselves in to your eye sight as you walk past.”

There’s an old saying that goes:

“You always find a lover when you’re not looking for one.”

This is very rarely True for men since men must be constantly active in the search.

It’s both biologically and, by extension, socially mandated that men be the seekers while women are the sought.

Therefore, it’s tantamount to wishful thinking, at best.



However, for women, it’s so very frequently True as to warrant explanation.

Women, while rarely actively seeking, are always passively seeking.

It’s in their nature [hypergamy].

The statement rings True for women because most women are passively seeking using a stringent and seriously flawed method.



They, regardless of claims, tend heavily to look for reasons to reject a man rather than reasons to find him acceptable.

This one’s too short.

This one’s too fat.

This one’s too poor.

This one’s too indecisive.



To put it in terms of the analogy repeated above:

They pull leaves off the clover and are disappointed when they don’t total four.

As opposed to when they are at their least degree of passively seeking.



It’s then their eyes are struck (and are, themselves, drawn in) by the magickal, attention–grabbing fourth leaf.

The “fourth leaf” could be humor, intelligence, confidence, charisma, talent at an art, etc.

Something/anything that commands notice.

This then gets them to notice the other leaves in all their verdant, emerald glory.

Thus (again, due to hypergamy), count by the leaves that are there.

Rather than those that are not.





4 Responses to ““Imma run a backhoe n’ uproot that tree…””

  1. Here’s my thought.

    The three leaves are mental, physical, emotional. Every man has those.

    The fourth one is investment.

  2. […] Why ‘you always find someone when you aren’t looking’ works for women. […]

  3. You really do have to re-read your works to get the meaning. The first three times I’ve read this post it barely meant anything. Perhaps I focused only on the video. Perhaps I only glanced over the words.

    But now…I know.


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