“Ain’t me, it ain’t my crime; your rap, ’cause it ain’t mine…”

Martel has a splendidly candid post:


To which, a reader-whom I consider to be the “thread winner”-gives this dialogue:


I flatter myself that anon has familiarized himself with my work:


Winner, indeed.

Anon, you got it.


The real reason women don’t like guys that are emotional tampons is because it forms a negative impression of her confidante in said woman’s mind.

If she only talks to you about/when she has problems, she’ll begin to associate you with those very negative feelings [consciously or subconsciously].

This is why, even if you are in a LTR with a woman, you should never really “troubles talk” with her.

A wise man [in a LTR] listens and nods for a brief time.

Gives her non-sexual physical contact.

Reassures her things will work out.

Then changes the subject.

[If you’re not in a LTR with her, skip everything; simply change the topic immediately].


See, if he’s nothing more than a sounding-board or stoic wall, he really can’t be emotionally associated with the negativity.

Note: This is also the reason many women will be with the worst example of “man” yet always forgive him or keep running to him.

He never allows her “bad moods” [wrongly or rightly] to stick to him.

Thus, she never Truly emotionally/internally associates him with “bad times”, regardless of any protestations she may offer.

Don’t believe me?

Try changing the mind of a woman in that particular situation.

I’ll be here.





9 Responses to ““Ain’t me, it ain’t my crime; your rap, ’cause it ain’t mine…””

  1. I also learned the flip side is that you don’t want to dump your troubles on her either.

    She has girfriends to talk about that stuff.

    You have the brain trust.

  2. The Lucky Lothario Says:

    My nan is a pretty strong woman, but occasionally there are cracks in her emotional armour and she starts to doubt ‘whether we even care about’ her etc. The usual cry-for-help/ baiting lines.

    Everytime she does, I break off into a story about my sister and how she’s always so fiery and has such a strength that nothing fazes her. Then say something like, “and I think she gets that from you”, off handedly at the end.

    Without fail this works both to console her and get her feeling positive, she is obligated to live up to the picture I’ve painted. I used to deal logically and explain exactly why we DO care but this always led to more validation seeking and never broke the mood.

    It’s the guiding of her mental state through emotions not logic that always works. Regardless of the nature of your relationship with the women. Negative talk begets more negative emotions. Break the cycle before it starts.

  3. Excellent point about how people come to associate certain things with the people they talk to. you and Dannyfrom504 know the drill here. And as a man in an LYE, the advice works.

  4. […] game. You had her on a pedestal.”   A blogger I respect commended me for being “splendidly candid” in my admission of […]

  5. […] Don’t become associated with her negative feelings. […]

  6. […] also touched on something similar in a different post as […]

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