“We lived through another day, it’s a good excuse to celebrate…”

A Catholic reader asks:

“So, how did it all happen for you?”

It’s a very long story so I’ll try to give you what I believe are the most important parts of it.

Though I am very reluctant to use such terms, I am what would be called a “natural Alpha”.

I’m bright, confident, witty and extremely charismatic.

I got what my father calls “the gift of gab” from my mother.

And I got my olde school, terse masculinity from my father.

However, neither of my parents were good at being parents.

My father was a handsome man from a large, poor and dysfunctional family.

My mother was an extremely beautiful woman from a small, poor and dysfunctional family.

Why do I tell you all of this?

So that the rest of my tale makes sense.

See, getting the attention of women was never difficult for me.

As I said, I was a “natural”.

However, once I got said attention, I would revert to all the nonsense with which men these days are inculcated.

Which, as we know, destroyed everything.

Great opening.

Could never close.

Talk about maddening.

Now, add into that mixture parents that were, at their best, disinterested and at their worst, constantly depressed and/or shaming for any falter on my part.

This, of course, caused me to doubt only myself.

Never the advice or information I was given.

[There was no internet to which to turn, in those days.]

Which caused me to be the perfect bait for Borderline Personality Disordered women.

A relationship with one of those (for nine years) kept me deep and alone in self-doubt and misery.

Thankfully, she ended up finding someone even more suited to her brand of evil than I.

At the time, I was shattered but I thank God almost every day that she left.

With her gone, along with having a lucrative but very difficult gov’t job (yes, they do exist), I managed to find my footing rather quickly.

I started realizing, on some level, that my parents’ advice was worse than useless.

It was, in fact, counterproductive.

It was then I attracted a 20 yr old beauty (who literally stopped traffic).

I’d shed enough of the old ways to get her and keep her-

For 18 months.

But then I lost my job (details of my dismissal are posted on this blog).

Hypergamy, being what it is, caused me to lose her.

Having lost both her and my career, my life, worldview and pretty much everything around me was razed.

So I embarked on an extended suicide attempt by drinking, smoking and writing.

The good that came out of this was, having given up on everything –

I also gave up on the bad advice.

Blogging had me online (I’ve been doing it since 2004) often so I ended up deciding:

Before I die, let’s solve this fucking mystery as to how I got here.

(I am a detective, to my soul.)

This caused me to read ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ by Dr. Robert Glover.

Most important thing I’d ever read in my life.

Now understanding what had me running in circles, all those years, I started to rise from the ashes.

This caused an even hotter girl (think young Katherine Heigel) to fall for me.

We did not work out (too different), but we remain friends as she is a very sweet girl once you get past the “bitch shields” women growing up with her looks develop.

Needless to say, that gave me the confidence to continue.

Not to mention, she’d seen Mystery (the PUA) on TV and thought I’d think he was interesting.

It was a short jump from him to the ‘sphere.

That is, as you ask, “how it all happened”.

“When/does it get better?”

It never gets better.

Only you get better.

You come to realize that, at the end, there will only be two things:

You and God.

You start to realize, for better or worse, everyone and everything can be replaced.

You’ll meet another woman that will make you wonder why you thought so highly of the others.

You learn it’s rarely the hand you are dealt that is the problem; it’s how you play the cards.

Most importantly, you’ll learn that men like us find more satisfaction in our mission than anything else, anyway.

As difficult aggravating and exhausting as it may be.

Men live for their work; women live for their men.

“Will I ever be able to put her out of mind?”


Sure, she’ll pop into your head, on occasion, and it will be bittersweet.

But you’ll know God has other things for you.

Maybe other women.

Maybe not.

You don’t get too choose.

(You certainly get to try, of course.)

But, at the end of the day:

“The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord.

And he delighteth in them.”

You will find delight.

I’ve no doubt.

All the best to you.


Semper Intenti,

– A♠



24 Responses to ““We lived through another day, it’s a good excuse to celebrate…””

  1. docillusion Says:

    Life isn’t all bad, as long as you know what you want and go for it, forsaking everyone and everything else.

    Don’t be anyone’s dancing monkey.

    We only get one shot at this life. Live for yourself, screw the rest.

    But you have figured these things out. You just took a long and winding road to enlightenment.

  2. Like the wise men said…you be the change and other things will follow. We can be unconditionally happy without basing it on external factors…like children are! Anyways, good read mate! And yes, NMMNG is a lovely find! Saved me for sure!

  3. I’ve never been in a relationship with a BPD (or just plain crazy) woman. But after reading the stories about their personality and the hell they purposely put men through…I can see why it would cause any man to go on a suicide mission.

  4. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    You said you are a natural but could never close?

    I take it that meant ladies were attracted to your exterior…but it was because of your interior they left?

    If that is the case I’ve had that same problem for years…only recently has the interior started to catch up.

    • Earl,

      Glad you asked for clarification.

      I meant “Alpha” in the truest sense of the word.

      I’m a born leader.

      (See the post I wrote about this year’s birthday of mine.)

      Rather then what it’s been twisted into, which is “pussy hound extraordinaire”.

      Women were attracted to my charisma, dominant frame and unwavering beliefs.

      I screwed it all up by pedestalizing them, thinking that was the “respect” I was beaten into affording women.

      YouSoWould phrased it very well:

      “Some guys need building up from nothing, others just need to remove one or two unattractive behaviour patterns they’ve been brainwashed into.”

  5. YouSoWould Says:

    “Men live for their work; women live for their men.” – never a truer word said, and something that is becoming clearer and clearer to me on a daily basis now that I’ve got the female partner area of my life taken care of.

    Similar to yourself, I was a naural alpha myself who couldn’t close. Once I learned to stop pedastilising women, my natural arrogance and sense of entitlement made everything click into place in a very short space of time.

    Some guys need building up from nothing, others just need to remove one or two unattractive behaviour patterns they’ve been brainwashed into.

    • YouSoWould,

      “Some guys need building up from nothing, others just need to remove one or two unattractive behaviour patterns they’ve been brainwashed into.”

      Agreed 100%.

      The thrust of my post (and personal history) in one sentence.

  6. I’ve been waiting for this post for a long time.


  7. […] A’s story. Related: Francis’ journey. […]

  8. […] Having lost both her and my career, my life, worldview and pretty much everything around me was raze… […]

  9. This is a very insightful and revealing post, deserves a lot of reads. My only complaint with your blog is the light text on black background. Murders my eyes, always have to load in a reader. My two cents.

    • Many thanks, DM.

      It’s interesting you mention the color layout, as I have a post near the beginning of this blog that says why I use it.

      I took a page from arguably the longest-running, popular blogger online:

      “I’ve chosen a black background for most of my text because it’s easier on the eyes than staring at a white screen. Think about it: your monitor is not a piece of paper, no matter how hard you try to make it one. Staring at a white background while you read is like staring at a light bulb (don’t believe me? Try turning off the lights next time you use a word processor). Would you stare at a light bulb for hours at a time? Not if you want to keep your vision.”


      It bothers my eyes far more to read black on white.

      In fact, Dr. Illusion and yousowould also changed their color layout after noticing the same as I did.

      I do, however, thank you for throwing in your 2¢.

      • You know, I never thought of it that way. Interesting, I’ll give that some thought. I think the murderous part, actually, is transitioning between dark backgrounds and light backgrounds. Staying on one seems to be fine, but going back and forth is what hurts my eyes most.

  10. This is a great post and a nice microcosm of Game. Allow me to sum up.

    Just because those two people are your parents doesn’t mean they’re not screwed up. It also doesn’t mean they know what they’re talking about or what they’re doing when it comes to parenting you.

    Be authentic. If you’re faking it, or concealing your true self, she’ll know it. And leave you.

    True alphas are born leaders. One need not be a pussy hound to be an alpha.

    First it is about being the best man you can be. This brings worthy women into your orbit.

    You must avoid the batshit crazy. Crazy cannot be fixed, alleviated, minimized, repaired, reasoned with, or defeated. It can only be avoided.

    Other people will not change. If you want change, you will have to produce it. You will have to be that change.

    Your mission comes before your woman. You find purpose in your mission. You find respite in your woman. It’s not the other way around.

    Other people don’t care about your problems. You will have to sort out your problems yourself and maybe with the help of a trusted friend or two. Your acquaintances, pastors, teachers, siblings, even your parents – they cannot help you.

    No matter what crap was flung your way, you’ll get over it – if you choose to.

    No matter how hot the girl was, there will always be another – if you are keeping your eyes open.

    Above all, live your life to the glory of God.

  11. Interesting, my journey also started with NMMNG – book then forum. I guess the first step (in reality) was purchasing the book “Divorce Busters” and reading through their forums (and reading the book) – it was suggested.

    Then I progressed through MMSL and WotSM – and finally fully into the blogs and forums supported here and there – and written by men. One of the places you I had to pass through was the whole cycle of Anger and Betrayal – wondering why we were so duped, why the programming was so insidious and oh so very subtle.

    I’ve always been fairly natural also – I do best in one-on-one rather than groups – but that’s more my personality and style than anything else.

    The thing I noticed most, during my dark days in the matrix, was just how unhappy I was. I knew there was something wrong – with my life, with my marriage, with the way I related to my wife – she complained about my “lack of attraction to her and why I didn’t want to have sex with her” — while at the same time making sure we never sleep together by “allowing” our daughter to sleep in our bed. Which of course, I allowed also. I’ve read about that one – husband not want to have sex (or having a low sex drive with their wives) and the primary reason is Anger – you’re mad at them, for some real or perceived reason. And that was me – I was mad, but didn’t know why.

    These blogs, forums and books have provide information that put a “face” to that anger. I don’t know what would have happened with my marriage if I had found this information prior to it falling apart, my assumption, if I had found it 10 years ago one of two things would have happened (1) we would have a much better relationship and be enjoying each other now or (2) I would have ended it, and gotten on with my life much sooner.

    Personally, I want to thank all the Men here and throughout the MS – they have helped to restore my life, to a place that is better than it’s ever been.

    Live, Learn, Lead. That’s my new life’s motto.

  12. @Deti

    Thanks for you comment. I’d like to post it on my blog, if you don’t want it out there, please let me know – I will provide full attribution to you.

  13. […] insightful and must-read post from Whisky and Ashes. YouSoWould also has a provocative post. There are many angles and perspectives to the manosphere […]

  14. Henry To-You Says:

    I’ve really enjoyed your work here, and have been going back through your archives. This post struck a real chord with me – I read it and went, ‘that’s me’; except I am a younger guy, 26, and so still probably have more of the uncertainties and doubts that you’ve shaken off.

    I wrote a longer comment, but retracted it as it seems a little personal for public consumption. Suffice to say, I lucked out on the genetic lottery, but am still hamstrung despite my natural inclinations by the same issues you appear to have successfully resolved.

    I wanted to comment to say how much I appreciate your distilled wisdom here, and think the written style you have settled on is very effective for conveying your thoughts and avoiding their being lost in a wall of text. To say so much when writing so little is a tremendous talent, and I hope I will continue to benefit fr0m whatever wisdom you share.

    Best regards from England,


    • Henry,

      Many thanks for this comment.

      It’s men like yourself that keep me posting.

      (I’d write if nobody ever read it – as it’s become integral to who I am – but I wouldn’t share it)

      Scars and all, I try to put myself out there so other men know they aren’t alone.

      God knows I felt I was most of my life (and sometimes still do).

      It’s my sincere hope that I continue to post things that provide value to you and other men in need of wisdom.

      Stay well and cheers to you.

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