Archive for October, 2013

“Do your demons – do they ever let you go?”

Posted in Uncategorized on October 12, 2013 by A♠


While speaking with Wald from the blog ‘Scarred Tissue’, I was reminded of an all too common belief in the ‘sphere.

That belief being:

Men and women are afraid of failure with the opposite sex.



Now, I certainly believe there is some Truth to that idea.

But it’s right for the wrong reasons.



See, what gets lost in the discussion is that many – if not most – fear success more than they do failure.

Sound crazy?

Wald thought that, too.

But here’s the thing:

We call it Game [regardless of who plays it] for a reason.

There are players.


And, most importantly, stakes.



Now, no one likes to end up on the wrong side of victory.

So the “fear of rejection” is a significant reality.

However, the more one wins-

The more one has to lose.



Sure, plenty of guys hide in video games and such to avoid initial rejections.

But I’d wager many more hide to avoid being divorced, forced into penury, emotional devastation and subsequent questioning of one’s entire outlook.

See, it’s fear of falling from on high.

Rather than tripping on a pavement stone.


Why do you think so many women love ’50 Shades of Gray’ and/or date low-lifes?

Because, that way, they won’t have to face the possibilty that they can’t live up to a certain standard.

Success is not a static position.

It requires maintainance.

And a lot of it.


Acrophobia is perfectly rational, once one realizes:

Even angels have fallen.



“There is no greater sorrow Than to be mindful of the happy time In misery.”

– Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy





“I’m gonna take it southbound…”

Posted in Uncategorized on October 11, 2013 by A♠







He’s one of my best and closest friends.

I call him the “Ace of Diamonds”.

Because the pressures of life placed on him have been extreme, to say the least.

Thus, have hardened him to a degree I’ve rarely seen.

Needless to say, his reaction came as a bit of a shock.



We hadn’t seen one another in quite some time.

So, when we caught up at the bar, the conversation was wide and deep.

At one point, I mention that I know I can be acerbic.

Tough to deal with.

Not to mention overbearing.

But I’d never hurt a friend as loyal and good as he.


It was then his eyes got misty.

He said:

“Oh, I know guilt is something that doesn’t come easy to you anymore.

So don’t think I don’t appreciate you saying that.

And certainly don’t get the impression I don’t notice.”


See, having a family that took credit for all my successes –

Yet left me with any blame that should surface –

Taught me to disregard criticism.


Having a family that felt everything I did was wrong or misguided –

Taught me to think more than twice about the concept of “shame”.


See, “tough love” only works when there’s something to contrast it.

Otherwise, it’s just being an asshole.


Now, as far as guilt goes:

My mother’s womb gave me life.

Only to murder her, years later.

And ain’t nothin’ gonna top that.




“I’m what Cain was to Able…”

Posted in Uncategorized on October 4, 2013 by A♠


In an 1896 article Wyatt Earp said that ‘Doc was a dentist, not a lawman or an assassin, whom necessity had made a gambler; a gentleman whom disease had made a frontier vagabond; a philosopher whom life had made a caustic wit; a long lean, ash-blond fellow nearly dead with consumption, and at the same time the most skillful gambler and the nerviest, speediest, deadliest man with a six-gun that I ever knew.’


As long as I can remember, my hero has been Doc Holliday.

Truth be told, if I could go back in time, my handle would have been that.

But, at the time, I felt it too presumptuous, so I chose Ace of Spades.

Close enough.


Which brings me to my point:

I won’t be going to meet folks in Vegas.


This is because I gambled [as is my nature] and lost.


Granted, the deck was stacked against me.

But I’m an outlaw.

Born and bred.


If this kills what [little] cred I have in the ‘sphere:

I accept it.

Depression [disease] induced or not:

My choices are mine.

And I own them.


However, I will point out:

I’ve never deceived anyone.

I’ve shared what I’ve learned to be True.

I’ve never asked for a dime.

I’ve made sure that all the mistakes I’ve made – and they are innumerable – have been analyzed so that others may benefit.

If nothing else:

I serve as an inapproachable bad example.


Why do I do such a thing?

Especially since I’ve said I could not care less about hit counts.

Or popularity.

Or notoriety.


The answer is easy:

I was born a deeply flawed sinner.

And this is my path to redemption.


I’m no better than you.

So learn from what I say.

And be better than I.


Say goodbye to me. Go grab that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that beauty from it, don’t look back. Live every second. Live right on to the end. Live Wyatt. Live for me. Wyatt, if you were ever my friend, if you ever had even the slightest of feelin’ for me, leave now. Leave now… Please.