“…got a vision in my mind; what I want you to be…”



I believe Roosh V once said:

“If you’re asking advice on how to keep your girl, you’ve already lost her.”

Or something very close to that effect.



Now, I agree with Roosh V completely.

However, I wonder how many – Roosh included – realize why his statement is accurate.

The knee-jerk, programmed response from ‘sphere denizens will, no doubt, be:

“You became too Beta.”

Which is likely not, in its totality, incorrect.



Yet, there is a deeper, more important way to view it.

That is to say:

You stopped being the man with whom she fell in love.

Certainly, the odds are an increase in submissiveness on the male’s part is the culprit.

But defining it so is really just taking the quick-fix.

A Band-Aid™ on a bullet-wound, so to speak.

The Truth is you changed – by lowering your value – in her eyes.



How does this relate to Roosh’s words?

I’ll tell you.

See, even considering asking other men, let alone doing so, “what to do” will merely exacerbate the problem.


Because you are continuing, ever further, down the path of being someone else.

[AKA = A man she never loved.]



Instead, at times like that, a man should circle the wagons,

Take more time for himself.

Work on introspection.

[I believe it was https://twitter.com/AudioRebellion that advised simply refocusing on basics – exercise, work, hobbies, et al – at such a time.

He’s absolutely correct.]

Leave her to her own devices more, if not totally.

[Of course, this is not to say that a man can’t comiserate with his friends.

We are human, after all.

There’s nothing wrong with venting and such.]



This is the True meaning behind:

“If you love someone, set them free.”

Really, you are freeing yourself.

And letting her decide if she wants to recapture you.





To extrapolate slightly from the information above:

This is also how to “escape the friend zone”.

Put bluntly:

Stop being the man she doesn’t love.

[Insofar as it does not conflict with your aspirations/desired self-image]

This may seem, at first glance, an oversimplification.

But, as any Taoist knows, the simple things are often the most difficult to achieve.




11 Responses to ““…got a vision in my mind; what I want you to be…””

  1. theshadowedknight Says:

    She wants the man who has the answers, the man with the plan. By focusing on her, you lose sight of the important things. You are making her your mission, and like you said in your last post, women yearn to join a man who is part of something greater.

    So you need to move away from her, remember what you are without her, who you are within. Focus on yourself, on your needs, so she can help you fulfill them.

    Interesting concept, Ace. It merits sincere contemplating. I will be back if I have anything to add.

    The Shadowed Knight

  2. Excellent post!! Reminds me of the saying “When purpose is used for purposelessness the thing is grasped “

  3. “You stopped being the man with whom she fell in love”


    It’s harder to keep that initial frame over the long term. I don’t know how to explain it, marriage didn’t change me as much as having kids changed me. There was a moment my (x)wife has mentioned several times – when I said to her…”you’re pregnant”…which was the first time I really noticed her changing body (she was getting ready for bed, I was laying there – and that came out of my mouth. She said I “changed” after that.

    Years later, after a few missteps and some serious financial problems caused by my business – I really lost my edge – got scared and became very risk adverse. I changed – that was the first step to losing my marriage and my wife – it took another 8 years for it actually culminate in divorce.

    Great article – think I’ll have to write one now, based upon it.

  4. First thing I looked at after my vacation…great stuff Ace. All women ever want from a man is strength and stability…and many don’t have the know-how on those two things.

    I’ll have some JB Devil’s Cut in your honor.

    • Earl,

      “First thing I looked at after my vacation…great stuff Ace.”

      Many thanks, Earl.

      I was first?

      I’m honored.

      “I’ll have some JB Devil’s Cut in your honor.”

      Please do!

  5. […] importance of faith and hope for men. Related: The burdens of leadership. Related: The difference between thug and alpha is the […]

  6. Been re-reading some of your old stuff, and this is one of the best things I’ve ever read, anywhere:

    “You are continuing, ever further, down the path of being someone else.”

    I’ve been pondering this very thought; thank you for crystallizing it so well.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: