“But I didn’t see that the joke was on me…”







I have a friend, J♣, that is easily one of the funniest, wittiest men I have ever known.


Having done stand-up comedy myself for a couple years, meeting and working with professionals, along with associating with a rather large pool of people, the regard with which I hold him speaks volumes of his talent.


However, one thing has plagued him throughout his life more than anything else:


The fact he is an abject failure with women even though he possesses a “great sense of humor”.


After all, that quality is second only to “confidence” in women’s well-known checklist.


Therefore, it comes as no surprise that he’d be – and is – so frustrated at what he considers a falsely stated desire.




Accordingly, he believes women are lying.


His evidence is his romantic solitude along with the fact that comedians don’t get laid like rock stars.


He is, of course, wrong.


He makes the same mistake countless men do.


Which is to believe men and women utilize the same qualifiers in their definitions.




See, at its core, a sense of humor is a defense mechanism against terrible life events.


However, what each gender considers a “terrible life event” often differs.


This is why men and women rarely, if ever, like the same comedic persons.


Male comedy is all across the board; poverty, getting beaten up, unemployment, rejection, etc.


While female comedy is focused on almost exclusively on relationship stresses, sex, body images, social awkwardness/faux pas, etc.


Sometimes the two worlds of humor meet, but this is infrequent at best.



With all of the above firmly in mind, a woman does not want a clown.


Constant jokes cause the man to be viewed as a court jester striving for his queen’s approval.


Thus, what a woman means when she says she wants “a man with a sense of humor” is this:


A man that takes neither himself, nor her – including her moods, quirks, foibles, etc -, too seriously.


A man that will weather storms brought to him, by both the world and her nature, with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips.


A man that will keep smiling and stay positive, making problems lighter if not downright enjoyable.


With or without her.






3 Responses to ““But I didn’t see that the joke was on me…””

  1. […] “But I didn’t see that the joke was on me…” […]

  2. Understanding that women are not just like men is perhaps the most important lesson a man can learn when it comes to improving his interactions with women. Sadly, many men can never quite seem to learn this lesson.

  3. […] To women, a ▶ sense of humor ◀ is not crafting and executing jokes; it’s a refusal to take life too […]

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