“… if you’ll hand me my crayons, I’ll be glad to take your name…”
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One of the commonalities shared by we men in the ‘sphere is this:
A penchant for giving others more leeway in the context of errors than ourselves.
By which I mean:
We are far quicker to forgive others than ourselves.
Funny, that, considering many (if not most) are Christian.
And Christ said:
“Love others as you love yourselves.”
Note, He did not say:
“Love others more than you love yourselves.”
Women, in their infinite pragmatism, forgive themselves easily.
(Often, more than is warranted, in fact.
But that’s a tale for another day.)
While most men scourge themselves long after such corporal punishment is deserved.
Let alone useful.
All this leads me to advise:
Let it go.
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness.
Understand the man you are now is not at all the man you were then.
Realize the fellow that made those mistakes/errors in judgement/faulty decisions was killed.
Murdered by his folly.
So bury him.
Mourn his naïve passing.
And move onward.
Ω
80-Proof Oinomancy 
February 16, 2016 at 6:47 pm
[…] “… if you’ll hand me my crayons, I’ll be glad to take your name…” […]
February 17, 2016 at 12:48 am
Good word, Brother.
I needed this today.
Cheers.
February 17, 2016 at 3:04 pm
My pleasure, JD.
I’m glad to help.
February 17, 2016 at 7:21 am
One of the things that makes me sad to think about, after I converted to Catholicism, is that the protestant bible cuts out or down plays the old testament books containing the verses that in the straining after God and that we must be sure to enjoy it. Eat, drink, and be merry; for tomorrow we die. We confess, move on, and find joy instead of pridefully holding on to our faults.
“There is nothing better for mortals than to eat and drink, and find enjoyment in their toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God; 25 for apart from him[d] who can eat or who can have enjoyment? 26 For to the one who pleases him God gives wisdom and knowledge and joy; but to the sinner he gives the work of gathering and heaping, only to give to one who pleases God. This also is vanity and a chasing after wind.”
– ecclesiastes 2:23-26
February 17, 2016 at 3:07 pm
Excellent comment, Chad.
Many thanks for it as I’d never seen that particular passage.
But, then, my family had a closet full of camel hair shirts.
February 18, 2016 at 7:08 am
You should give the book a read. I think the writing would be suited to you.
Plus, I don’t know how it isn’t the forerunner of the Christian manosphere. It advocates work, joy in suffering, and is one of the clearest advocates against the pedestalization of women. Take this part from chapter 7:
I turned my mind to know and to search out and to seek wisdom and the sum of things, and to know that wickedness is folly and that foolishness is madness. 26 I found more bitter than death the woman who is a trap, whose heart is snares and nets, whose hands are fetters; one who pleases God escapes her, but the sinner is taken by her. 27 See, this is what I found, says the Teacher,[a] adding one thing to another to find the sum, 28 which my mind has sought repeatedly, but I have not found. One man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all these I have not found. 29 See, this alone I found, that God made human beings straightforward, but they have devised many schemes.
It may be a good read as you relax in those family heirloom shirts, drink in hand.
February 17, 2016 at 11:13 am
Perhaps this means nothing, perhaps everything, but finding your writing saved my life today.
It’s a day off of work, when I’d been planning to pull the trigger again – this time with the gun loaded – because why the hell not?
But I stumbled across this blog (seems like I’m insulting this place by calling it that), and I end up going through your archives like a man in the Gobi who just found water.
I’m not sure if I should thank you yet, life being what it is; but I thought it was worth mentioning.
February 17, 2016 at 2:58 pm
Very much worth mentioning. You made my day. Please keep fighting. I promise you, I understand your pain more than you guess and the battle is worth it.
February 17, 2016 at 4:42 pm
Adam,
I’m certain that every man who finds this place has experienced bewilderment, betrayal, hopelessness. Maybe, like me, you sought answers to the exquisite mental and emotional torture you are experiencing. For me it was akin to being buried alive at times.
Give yourself the opportunity to chew on the contents of this blog. Give yourself a chance, period. You can win any war with the proper weapons, and if you need allies you can find them here.
Fight, brother. You’re not alone, there are multitudes of us.
February 22, 2016 at 9:17 am
Thank you for the kind words, and I’m definitely digesting as much of this as I can, though slowly, to let it sink in.
Of course, the vast majority of this is academic to me at best (cancer robbed me of my manhood when I was a young boy, so I’m one of those “involuntary celibates” one hears about).
I suppose we should be thankful that I’m not one of those assholes who wants to take out everyone else around him as well…
February 17, 2016 at 11:00 pm
Point taken.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for not including the “Let it Go” video with this one.
Your mercy endureth forever.
April 14, 2016 at 2:26 am
Haha!
You’re quite welcome, Joe.
For both the post and omitting that particular tune.
February 19, 2016 at 3:28 pm
http://scartissue.us/2015/10/07/thoughts-on-christianity/
This post is a huge reason why I’m drawn to Catholicism. I find it terribly difficult to forgive myself. I know that ultimately I must, for how else can I live with myself?
Wald
February 22, 2016 at 2:25 pm
Adam,
Man, that is a truly awful situation, Brother. No hyperbole, I will literally pray for you this morning. My God but this world can deal outrageous cards.
I don’t know anything about you or the absolute specifics of your physical loss, though I have to assume “loss of manhood” means the worst scenario. But remember you have an XY chromosome, you ARE a Man and always will be. You were born to fight, to solve problems and to love. BORN for it.
My advice doesn’t change, sir. Get understanding, get wisdom. You’re looking for hope and a reason to go on. I don’t think there are any revelations here that you couldn’t handle, considering your circumstance.
Ace has laid down knowledge here that only a small percentage of men have. There are others but this is an excellent place to start.
Gender relations are a feral jungle right now, an unbelievable shitshow, it’s not your imagination Adam. Like Stalingrad, but for decades. Heavy losses, scorched earth, the whole deal.
Study this war, Adam. I’ve come to believe this is the primary education every man needs. Society has proven worse than useless in its instruction of men, it’s downright destructive. We’re trained to play baseball then expected to walk onto a football field. Ridiculous unacceptable bullshit.
Fall back, rearm, fight. You have absolutely nothing to lose, amigo.
I’ll be thinking of you today.
February 23, 2016 at 9:13 am
I’ll have to think on all that you said, and I thank you for thinking of me.
In terms of specifics; Stage II testicular cancer in my teens (I simply thought it was a bad hernia when my mom drove me to the urologist, spent my birthday that year in surgery, woohoo)
I know what you mean about gender relations… some days I count myself lucky, seeing the miserable wrecks all around me and hearing their stories about women.
But I’m introspective by nature, and I always feel like some sort of existential/biological failure when I dwell on it. In my head I whine like a mule; couldn’t I at least have a shot before losing my chance?
I flirted with the idea of MGTOW, burying myself in that community for a bit, but I couldn’t fool myself for too long. I was just pretending that my predicament is a choice to make myself feel better.
Then there’s the second part, which is my face. I consider the mirror my enemy, but keep getting told by women that I’m “fine” or “pretty”, and have had numerous instances of what appear to be obvious signs from attractive young women
(“I just changed conditioners, can you come over here and smell my hair?”)
(“I was thinking about you this morning and made you lunch”)
(*putting a hand on my knee* “Let’s sit in my car for a bit and just chill, okay?”)
…who, of course, run for the hills upon disclosure. I refuse to mislead anyone.
Some days, you just have to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
February 23, 2016 at 1:14 pm
Take an icebreaker to cut through irony that thick. Fuck.
Agree about MGTOW, I follow a few YouTube accounts for insight but I think of it mainly as a safe harbour. A guy can withdraw, rebuild and reengage society on his terms. But then, that’s how it ought to be anyway. Some treat it like a cult, a new way for civilization, but without families there IS no civilization.
However, the invisible men withdrawing consent/support/taxes/labour from the BetaBux-marriage side of the ledger is a good way to put a torpedo in that ship.
Re: relationships, as a twice-divorced 50 yo man, estranged kids and all, I can certainly attest that you haven’t missed much there. Guys my age are a bad suicide demographic, completely lost and bewildered. I consider the truth very painful but at least I’m woke. Just shake my head now, the stuff I tolerated as normal and the opportunities I lost.
A decent-looking guy with a good job used to be enough … decades ago. We were late getting that memo.
Any support groups? Maybe a different demographic of women? Ovarian cancer survivors, where fertility not an issue? Seems edgy but maybe talk to a couple of escorts, pros who aren’t shy might be able to offer you some suggestions. Sounds like you can attract ’em but they get skittish. Start with women who aren’t?
Just throwing stuff against the wall here Adam, but the difference between a good day and a bad day is usually what’s going on between the ears at a given moment.
I’m on Twitter @DaBiggestGun if you want to talk in a different forum. Anytime, Brother.
February 25, 2016 at 9:47 am
[…] And a bit more on that theme: “… if you’ll hand me my crayons, I’ll be glad to take your name…”. […]
February 26, 2016 at 10:07 am
Yes. Yes, I need to do this.
Thanks much, Ace.
February 26, 2016 at 1:21 pm
Where have you been, Deti?
April 14, 2016 at 2:24 am
My pleasure, Deti.
Truly glad to help.
March 7, 2016 at 1:47 am
Murdered by his folly. Your thoughtful choice of language is a big reason I keep coming back.
Thanks for the encouragement, Ace. I’ve been preaching at myself for years to forgive…myself. I have some work to do.
April 14, 2016 at 2:24 am
I wish you the very best of luck, Wyowanderer.
And remember to give yourself time to succeed.
The habits of a lifetime cannot be undone in a matter of days.