“He can’t even run his own life, I’ll be damned if he’ll run mine…”






A young man wrote to me saying:


“Twitter seems particularly bad for the ability to work out if someone’s the real deal or not. Plenty of guys about selling themselves very very hard. Some even do it under the guise of humble authenticity.”


Given the plethora of charlatans and snake-oil peddlers our humble corner has attracted, I believe it to be a pertinent (if somewhat tardy) topic.


Additionally, being the man I am, I felt I should share my reply with wider audience to be of more encompassing use.




Let’s look at the major facet that must be addressed before anything else.


If a man is living a hedonistic lifestyle, then the last thing he’s concerned about is sitting down and helping poor saps find the party he has.


Simply because that’s not “fun”.




Sure, it’s rewarding.


Absolutely, it’s important.


Definitely, it’s spiritually refreshing.


But “fun” it most certainly is not.




Now to a convenient list of actionable advice:


1} Mentoring/advising regarding the topics with which the ‘sphere  wrestles demand an honest man recount the myriad failings, errors and outright tragedies that pulled him to wisdom like a particularly recalcitrant donkey to an even heavier burden. If he’s even so much as willing to share those, it’s infinitely more likely he’s – to quote ► Nick B. Steves ◄ “the real deal”.


2} Every artist with even a shred of Truth within himself will admit he “believes the scissors are used more than the eraser”. That means literally everything you see by them has been carefully cut, molded, scripted and hammered vociferously into the shape upon which you now gaze. Ask any musician, filmmaker or author: there’s way more on the cutting room floor than will ever hit the shelves. Thus, if you’re not seeing flaws, then you’re seeing a product – not a person.


3} If a man has hit the level where he can mentor, he’s very often long past the surface appearance where anyone will think he’s worth asking. Who asks 80 year old men how they got their wife of 58 years? No one, that’s who. If you need a pop culture example: look at the original Star Wars. The whole reason Obi Wan was a bad ass was you’d never think of him as such. You’re too busy seeing what time and tide has done to him. That pairing wears down the mountains, themselves; “Alpha” is not immune. [Side note: one of the reasons I knew I was always ahead of the game was he was my favorite in the film and no one else’s).


4} Understand actual, genuine growth and improvement is difficult, time-consuming and a (frequently) depressing endeavor. If it weren’t, everyone would do it. How many people even walk an extra few feet from the car, let alone walk to the store? Exactly. So if anyone tells you that you can accomplish what they have easily, then it’s probable that what they have is a sham. As Jimi Hendrix – arguably one of the greatest rock guitarists of all time – said to a kid that voiced a desire to be able to play like him: “No, you don’t. Because while you were at parties, I was alone in my room practicing. While you were on dates, I was alone in my room practicing.  While you were on road trips with friends,  I was alone in my room practicing.”


5} Lastly (for the time being, at least), whether you believe in Jesus Christ being a divine being or not, realize he changed the entire world with only 12 men following him while he lived. Plus, many of them thought him foolish, mad or downright unreasonable at times and abandoned him in his time of need. Men worthy of following aren’t here to be liked— they’re here to be respected. Follower count is a bad metric. In fact, I lean toward the belief that – if it’s high – they’re likely bullshit. [See point 4]




As always, ► you’re welcome to bet against me ◄ in all of this.


But realize what’s at stake.


And the one card you know I’m holding.









☞ [This particular line is a tongue in cheek joke for long-time readers]

8 Responses to ““He can’t even run his own life, I’ll be damned if he’ll run mine…””

  1. Hey! Where’s all the pussy this actionable advice was supposed to have delivered to my door?!

    This blog is lame!



  2. On a more serious note*

    1) That was a common thing that some of my readers would tell me when I asked them why they followed me. I didn’t think it ‘revolutionary’ at the time to include my failures. A common word they used was genuine.

    2) The worst part about this, is not only is it true, but 10 years later (6 years if you take out highschool), I realize that I’ve much to cut still given the new path I’m on. Back to the drawing board. But this time, I’ll set the foundation just right.

    3) I’m definitely not able to mentor yet. At best I can give cautionary tales. I’m okay with that – I don’t want to be responsible for helping someone else run their own life when mine is but a work in progress!

    4) Some parts of this journey felt easy…until I realized the cost I was unwittingly paying for my “effortless” success. It’s hard to get through the journey with completely clean hands and/or conscience. There’s a reason my Father’s been telling me that to win is to get to old age, for the last 20 years.

    5) I think I care too much about what people think to be a leader for now. Maybe one day I’ll find a cause about which I’ll care more than others’ opinions of me.

    *Marked for sarcasm for more unfamiliar readers


    • Wald,

      It’s my belief that the task of mentoring shouldn’t necessarily be sought out.

      The learner should seek.

      All else is ill omen.

      Hence, the point of this post, really.

      All the best to you and yours,


  3. Sutton Coldfield Says:

    Worth reading (or re-reading) Albert Jay Nock’s masterful “Isaiah’s Job” as well. Speak to the Remnant, not to the Masses.

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