“No way to prepare; impending despair…”






Were I compelled to choose the one quality possessed by the preponderance of men I’ve known that were good with women, it wouldn’t take me long to do so.


Of the myriad qualities they may share, there’s a sole contender that jumps out at me.


That singular trait:




Without exception, they had a tremendous heartbreak at some point.


Something downright earth-shattering.


Usually a vicious betrayal.


Although, rarely, a very difficult upbringing may act as a substitute.




The unsuccessful, however, generally share the opposite quality:




This is not to say their lives were without troubles, rather to say they’d been sheltered or generally spared certain harsh realities.


(Or discounted such as flukes, when encountered, which is why so many otherwise clever, young men hobble themselves.)




Now, I’m sure my comments could be filled with exceptions on both fronts.


But I’d wager they’d still be insufficient to counter the lesson.




See, the loss (while miserable, in and of itself) is the crumbling of a stone blocking the larger path.


(That larger path being a wider breadth of success.)


It shatters pedestals and illusions of perfection, alike.


Leaving a man to deal with what is, rather than what is imagined.


Whereas as ease, well—


Tilting at windmills gives no useful experience at besting dragons.



 “He who learns must suffer, and, even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”


– Aeschylus







13 Responses to ““No way to prepare; impending despair…””

  1. Can’t even comment. This is one of those times when a comment just isn’t necessary. I have nothing to add.

  2. A♠,

    “Tilting at windmills gives no useful experience at besting dragons.”

    Dragons in folklore can usually be found attacking – or guarding – the things we value most. The windmill-tilting demographic rarely gets burned but they don’t get the treasure map eitrher.

  3. Loss is the reason I got this far, this advanced in my thinking.

    Sure, I don’t hit 9s and 10s on the daily, but like yourself, I don’t claim to be an expert on that and I’m wise (through experience) enough to realize that such a goal would never fulfill me anyway.

    Loss and my reaction to it. It’s my weakness and my strength.

    More of a strength now that rather than trying to completely avoid the pain I now try to avoid encountering it the same way.

    And now I try to endure it, rather than just distract myself from it. Not well, mind you. But that comes later.


  4. […] 80-Proof Oinomancy, Ace checks in “No way to prepare; impending despair…” He makes the case that the thing men who are good with women have in common is profound […]

  5. tharwolf Says:

    Well, according to this metric my success with women ought to be taking off like a rocket in 3…2…1…

    All joking aside, fantastic article, and thank you for writing it and so many like it.

  6. […] long ago I wrote regarding what I perceived to be ► the common quality ◄ shared by those most successful with […]

  7. […] He ► suffered tragedy and learned ◄ from it. […]

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