Archive for May, 2018

“What an unexpected pleasure.”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2018 by A♠

 

 

A female reader asked:

 

“Please write a gender-relations breakdown of a TV show (or portion of one) you like.”

 

As caddersworld proved, ask and ye shall receive.

 

 

 

Admittedly, I no longer watch the HBO series ‘Game of Thrones’ for a few reasons but I did enjoy it for a time.

 

During that period, a female friend and I spoke weekly regarding it.

 

One of our conversations (I really should’ve recorded and shared them) contained my overwhelmingly powerful love of this scene:

 

 

 

So, ██████, your answer follows.

 

 

 

Here is what I believe important to note:

 

1} Although Lady Stark is of high (noble) birth, the very first man she addresses, she is careful to still call “sir”.

 

2} She is femininely passive yet she is not obsequious.

 

3} She does not act as a mother hen, pecking at the men around her nor does she nag them into aiding her.

 

4} She does not question any man’s honor. Instead, she reminds them of it.

 

5} Tyrion (the dwarf) is confused. As adept as he is at social manipulation, his physical appearance has caused a dearth in his knowledge of women and how they operate (on any level beyond prostitution). Therefore, he cannot predict what is about to happen.

 

6} She does not use her status. Instead, she uses the status of the men in her life.

 

7} She emphasizes her place a loyal daughter, wife and mother.

 

8} She admits, tacitly yet wordlessly, that she is powerless to bring this man to justice. However, she reminds the men around her that they are not powerless.

 

9} She gives a look of reproach at Tyrion when he subtly mocks the 90-year-old man marrying; calling attention to his slight of the addressed man’s liege; giving the man an even more personal reason to involve himself.

 

10} She clearly states that her son was almost killed. Her, and her husband’s, legitimate male heir was placed in dire jeopardy.

 

 

 

I told my female friend:

 

This is a harsh statement, but it is Truth—

 

Soldiers.

 

Firemen.

 

Police.

 

Remember, you are only safe and secure as long there are men that are willing to fight and die to protect you.

 

Take away a man’s desire to defend you, and you are likely lost.

 

 

 

To me, this scene is the perfect demonstration of the use feminine power at its finest.

 

Knowledge of details, social ties, relationship-building, and admission of vulnerability are all strong aspects of femininity

 

Misperceived as weakness by those too myopic to see their mid to long-term strengths.

 

 

 

In fact, though make-believe, I get chills every time I watch it.

 

Because, regardless of the sex of the competitor:

 

I can appreciate a well-played game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

10♥

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“I knew the words but I sang them wrong…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 20, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Chris Isaak croons softly as the thunder rumbles like far-off artillery or a nearby, angry god.

 

The cubes of ice rattling in my whiskey glass are old bones; the curling smoke is a parade of ghosts tying themselves in grieving knots.

 

I think of her fondly.

 

 

 

It’s funny, in a bittersweet way.

 

Nothing romantic has ever passed between us.

 

But plenty of intimacy.

 

Oh, that in spades—

 

If you’ll pardon the nod to self.

 

 

 

Two souls – older than they should be – aged prematurely by seeing the paws and claws of the beast most only glimpse on screens; acted out by beautiful people that are equally blissful in that particular ignorance.

 

Not lovers; barely friends, Truth be told, since we’ve never actually met. 

 

We agree men and women can’t really be friends.

 

Though we’re certainly friendly.

 

And intimate.

 

Definitely that.

 

Without ever even so much as shake hands.

 

 

 

Even over the raging storm, I can still hear her say:

 

“Just because biology draws associates together, doesn’t mean we have to give into it.”

 

She’s 100% right.

 

Besides, not to imply there’s a chance at anything more but—

 

I think I prefer what we have.

 

 

 

The thunder crashes again and the cat I’m watching for a few days jumps in my lap.

 

She claims some of my warmth while sharing some of hers.

 

Looking up at me, she blinks with deliberate slowness. 

 

I’m told it’s called a “cat kiss”.

 

I smirk as the lightning flashes and she closes them tight.

 

 

 

I take another drag, following it with a sip of Devil’s Cut.

 

Watching the rain run down the windowpanes in a hurry to meet the ground far below.

 

The red, parched, Oklahoma dirt drinks deep as the world turns us all—

 

Once more. 

 

 

 

 

 

9♥

“See the rat race in a new way, like you’re waking up to a new day…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 16, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

Before I begin, understand that I have, for years, endeavored to show the strengths and weakness of humanity in an honest and (ultimately, I hope) positive fashion.

 

To read the following post as a hate filled screed is to miss the point entirely which, at the risk of giving away the conclusion, is that our disingenuousness regarding ourselves and our foibles is the most dangerous mistake we – as a species – can make.

 

In short, to “know thyself” is the path to elevation from our lowly state.

 

That being said, I’ll answer the request of reader caddersworld:

 

“I’m intrigued by this though; ‘(It’s why they don’t scale well in modern society but that’s another story.)’

 

Please could you take a few mins to expand on this (or perhaps point me to where you have written on it before)?”

 

 

 

My explanation in stages:

 

1} Pragmatism [noun]: a reasonable and logical way of doing things or of thinking about problems that is based on dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories.*

 

2} Women are ► logical ◄ – they merely have different priorities (and methods to meet them) than men.

 

 

3} As I’ve ► stated earlier ◄:

 

What men fail to grasp, as a whole, is women are the more pragmatic gender.

 

They’ve no use for rules, honor and other such “niceties”.

 

As they inhibit chances of survival for the individual.

 

* (They are “dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories”.)

 

 

 

Sure, those things work for the whole of civilization.

 

But why bother to build a city when you can do your hair, paint your nails, shave your legs and move into someone’s nice house?

 

Pragmatism.

 

That’s why not.

 

 

4A} Enter “modernity” – technological development, democracy and the welfare state.

 

B} Female priority: reproduce with the best available genetics; pragmatic solution: Machines do much of the work, so eliminate lower status men so as to not pollute the gene pool.

 

C} Female priority: go for the exception rather than the rule as that’s where possible advantageous biological mutations/changes will probably occur; pragmatic solution: import foreigners, date outlaws, forgo standard men

 

D} Female priority: acquire resources; pragmatic solution: vote for more public money.

 

E} Female priority: maximize mate options; pragmatic solution: sabotage other women, hobble lower status male survival efforts, forgo commitment as long as possible.

 

F} Female priority: feel safe and comforted; pragmatic solution: comfort eat constantly, forgo stressful mental/emotional/intellectual situations and activity.

 

G} Female priority: suffer at some level; pragmatic solution: harm self, sacrifice oneself publicly for both satisfaction and martyrdom.

 

H} Female priority: find the toughest mate; pragmatic solution: keep beating males (mentally/physically/emotionally) until one fights back powerfully enough to pass the test.

 

 

 

While it’s easy to criticize these courses of action as deleterious – to say the least – on a longer timeline to both individuals and civilization, as a whole, it’s equally easy to prove they work (from the pragmatic perspective).

 

Also recall that human needs exist in a hierarchy. 

 

In the event of a conflict, one will take precedence over the other (on the individual basis).

 

 

 

Women aren’t doing these things because they’re “evil”.

 

They’re doing these things because these courses of action work and because – over the course of thousands of years – women understand (at a subconscious level, at least) that the female timeline is shorter than the male for biological reasons, thus the speedier the better.

 

I say all of the above to neither condemn nor defend.

 

Merely to elucidate.

 

I trust I’ve succeeded. 

 

 

 

 

 

8♥

“Lock the front door, oh boy, got to sit down, take a rest on the porch…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 12, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Throughout the numerous posts in this blog, I’ve offered and/or advocated many courses of action.

 

From understanding the importance of being yourself, to exercising, to cleaning one’s environs and to embrace/overcome one’s fear.

 

All of these, however share an extremely important end goal.

 

One I believe to be the most important in a man’s life.

 

 

 

Fourteen years ago, I had $64,000 in the bank, a car, a motorcycle, a great apartment, a high paying job and more friends at my reach than most garner in a lifetime.

 

Six years later the wheel of fortune turned, leaving me with little more than the clothes on my back and enough troubles to require an abacus to count.

 

So many, in fact, I needed a friend to help me vacate my apartment

 

When my friend and I stopped by my family’s home to borrow my dad’s truck (which he grudgingly loaned me), my father told my friend:

 

“[A♠] had it all and he threw it away.”

 

My friend was stunned into silence, at the time, but remains angry at those words to this day.

 

 

 

He believed my father to be so wrong as to be insulting.

 

Looking back, I’m sad to say my friend is the one who is wrong.

 

Yet, as much as that saddens me to confess, there is some comfort.

 

 

 

I believe my father was something worse.

 

He was right, yes—

 

But for all the wrong reasons.

 

 

 

See, he didn’t think I fought my fate as hard as I could regarding my dismissal from government service or to keep my girlfriend from leaving.

 

That couldn’t be further from the Truth.

 

Regardless, his statement is still correct.

 

I did “throw it all away”.

 

However, that’s because I never fully appreciated or even realized that which I had, at the time or earlier.

 

I was far too busy focusing on what I was missing: steady relationships, job satisfaction, et al.

 

Instead, I gave into grief and decided to die (albeit slowly).

 

 

 

Sure, I’d lost a tremendous amount but – had I made better choices – I could’ve started a business rather than drink my money away.

 

I could’ve gotten into even better shape than let myself go.

 

I could’ve taken a more careful stock of what blessings remained rather than squander them.

 

 

 

Now, I was literally mentally ill (depression), so I’ve lessened the self-assault considerably.

 

But it’s True that a simple change of focus and framing – along with some positive accounting – may have brought about a much better outcome.

 

Which leads me to the revelation I implied was imminent earlier in this post.

 

That most important of end goals?

 

Contentment.

 

 

 

Chasing happiness usually turns interminable on the hedonic treadmill.

 

The hunt for material things just creates a bigger toy-box to fill.

 

And constant, promiscuous sex tends to kill any real chance at love.

 

Even the pursuit of physical perfection ends in eventual disappointment as age takes merciless hold.

 

(None of that should be read as condemnation of having ambition and taking good care of one’s health.)

 

 

 

As for self-respect, dignity, a good name and the ability to appreciate one’s state?

 

Those are paths I’ve yet to see lead me anywhere but wondrous.

 

 

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” 

― John Milton, Paradise Lost

 

 

 

 

 

 

7♥

“He’s dancing on the breadline…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Regular commenter JD writes:

 

“There is no upper limit to the price we will be expected to pay. Women and society don’t even regard this as a transaction. They tell us what they expect from us and wait to receive it…

 

We have nothing to prove to Women or Society. They’ve been strip-mining us for decades.”

 

While I believe the comment is worthwhile in its entirety, the final line leapt out at me.

 

 

 

Every day, as I move through the world, I see countless folks lost in themselves or some petty dopamine-pumping distraction.

 

Faces glued to phones; each a Narcissus gazing longingly at the luminescent pool of self-congratulation.

 

News outlets and pundits choosing the target of the day for insufficient zealotry or failing to meet some exponentially increasing level of standards they themselves couldn’t reach with a guidebook and a ladder.

 

Each cutting the other down to appear that much taller.

 

It’s a sorry state of affairs, to say the least.

 

Yet, there is a two-pronged, silver lining to this ebony storm-front, should one choose to look carefully.

 

 

 

First, so many demands are placed on men today, they’ve ended up with none (save those they choose to apply to themselves).

 

Think of them as a soldier constantly being given contrary orders.

 

Sure, he can’t win.

 

But neither can he actually lose.

 

Since, either way, he’s following – and failing to follow – instructions. 

 

Causing his commanders no end of frustration as each of them attempts to use him for their purposes.

 

All the while, giving our exemplary soldier less and less reason to re-enlist.

 

And giving him more and more reason to dissuade potential recruits.

 

 

 

Second, having been pushed to so low a status, he becomes (at the individual level, at least) invisible.

 

Resulting in no one really caring about a man’s failures or successes (after perhaps an extremely abbreviated initial moment at discovery).

 

Sure, they may mock or congratulate him for a brief time, but the dopamine junkie will need to move on quickly to keep chasing that particular dragon.

 

Addicted to news feeds and Facebook games; Netflix and internet spats.

 

Not to mention the detractor’s own concern with “winning the rat race”.

 

In fact, one needn’t have the willpower to forgo concern for what others think of him.

 

It’s painfully evident they rarely spare him a thought.

 

 

 

Now, none of this is to say a man shouldn’t have his own standards.

 

Goals.

 

Ambitions.

 

He certainly should.

 

But don’t worry about failing to measure up, now and then.

 

Since most of those that judge you are standing on someone else’s shoulders.

 

 

 

 

 

6♥