“What an unexpected pleasure.”



A female reader asked:


“Please write a gender-relations breakdown of a TV show (or portion of one) you like.”


As caddersworld proved, ask and ye shall receive.




Admittedly, I no longer watch the HBO series ‘Game of Thrones’ for a few reasons but I did enjoy it for a time.


During that period, a female friend and I spoke weekly regarding it.


One of our conversations (I really should’ve recorded and shared them) contained my overwhelmingly powerful love of this scene:




So, ██████, your answer follows.




Here is what I believe important to note:


1} Although Lady Stark is of high (noble) birth, the very first man she addresses, she is careful to still call “sir”.


2} She is femininely passive yet she is not obsequious.


3} She does not act as a mother hen, pecking at the men around her nor does she nag them into aiding her.


4} She does not question any man’s honor. Instead, she reminds them of it.


5} Tyrion (the dwarf) is confused. As adept as he is at social manipulation, his physical appearance has caused a dearth in his knowledge of women and how they operate (on any level beyond prostitution). Therefore, he cannot predict what is about to happen.


6} She does not use her status. Instead, she uses the status of the men in her life.


7} She emphasizes her place a loyal daughter, wife and mother.


8} She admits, tacitly yet wordlessly, that she is powerless to bring this man to justice. However, she reminds the men around her that they are not powerless.


9} She gives a look of reproach at Tyrion when he subtly mocks the 90-year-old man marrying; calling attention to his slight of the addressed man’s liege; giving the man an even more personal reason to involve himself.


10} She clearly states that her son was almost killed. Her, and her husband’s, legitimate male heir was placed in dire jeopardy.




I told my female friend:


This is a harsh statement, but it is Truth—








Remember, you are only safe and secure as long there are men that are willing to fight and die to protect you.


Take away a man’s desire to defend you, and you are likely lost.




To me, this scene is the perfect demonstration of the use feminine power at its finest.


Knowledge of details, social ties, relationship-building, and admission of vulnerability are all strong aspects of femininity


Misperceived as weakness by those too myopic to see their mid to long-term strengths.




In fact, though make-believe, I get chills every time I watch it.


Because, regardless of the sex of the competitor:


I can appreciate a well-played game.








9 Responses to ““What an unexpected pleasure.””

  1. A♠,

    “Knowledge of details, social ties, relationship-building, and admission of vulnerability are all strong aspects of femininity”

    This really leapt out at me. There was a time when women were the ones standing guard over the ties of family and community. They wove them, and knew them intimately, like an elaborate lace curtain, and men had no problem working and fighting to preserve this beautiful work.

    Men conduct the business of war and commerce, form their tribes and alliances, rise and fall, with this network seated in the arena.

    Modern woman has gained power but lost influence; she appears to believe that communities and civilizations just happen and don’t need guardians. Her view of men is generally one-dimensional; her view of children and family ties is treated as afterthought, in practice if not in profession; a ‘Phase’ in her life rather than the entire point of it.

    The inevitable tribal clashes that will arise after the full collapse will rekindle the community spirit. Amid the carnage and destruction, an ancient light will shine brightly again.

    • JD,

      That was exactly the line I was hoping would grasp the reader most tightly.

      Well spotted.

      Additionally, I agree with your conclusion.

      In fact, I’ve said many times:

      Things will only change atop a pile of corpses of legendary proportions.

      All the best,


  2. That scene really gave me chills.

    I’d have seized the dwarf as well.

  3. When Ned Stark was executed the family fell under Catelyn Stark’s leadership. Her “flexibility” in terms of loyalty and integrity in dealing with Walder Frey directly led to the events of the Red Wedding.

    Lyanna Stark’s similar flexibility around honor is the foundation for the entire series. Something I’ve said a few times in my life but don’t anymore because the eyerolls are boring: if there were no women in the world, there would be no wars. Bucks only rut when there’s does available.

    • Myopia,

      While I’m not as familiar with the story as yourself, I’ve no doubt your summation is accurate.

      With respect, I don’t believe it invalidates my point (though I don’t necessarily believe that to be your intent).

      As for your closing thought, while we may disagree as to the worthiness of the fact:

      I believe it to be no coincidence that the Roman Catholic Church has survived as long as it has due to a lack of female leadership. Along with other organizations possessing a similar policy.

      As always, many thanks for the comment and all the best to you & yours,


      • Ace, I was confirming your point. It was presented far more astutely than I could have done. I missed a lot of details in that scene before your analysis.

        Agreed about the Catholic Church, although I would say it’s only part of the reason for their 2,000 year survival.

        As to my last thought, this probably says it better…

        …if you remove women from the equation, the importance of money and power evaporate. Men rut for women. Women understand this so completely, their behavior is unconscious about it. They give it as much thought as you do pulling up your fly when you get dressed. Their goal is to find out how far you’re willing to go to win their favor, then to choose from the leaders.

        A couple years ago I took my dad to visit a friend of his. Sitting around the table were five of us; me, my father (mid-80s), his friend (late 70s), the friend’s wife and their son, who was about my age. At some point I asked how the local Jr. hockey team was doing. This is a league of 16-20 year olds which is a feeder league for the NHL–it’s high level hockey. The son stated he didn’t know, that he wouldn’t go to games anymore because his mother was too embarrassing to sit with (she was a big fan). He said whenever there was a fight, she was on her feet frothing and screaming for blood. Keep in mind, this was a woman in her late 70s. I looked at her then back to her son…

        “You know why she does that, right?”
        “It’s like bar fights. Most bar fights happen over women. And most of those are triggered by the women themselves. They’re rating the men. Your mother’s trying to decide which player is her favorite.”

        He looked at her and she just smiled back at him. Likewise, even at her advanced age, she could appreciate a well played game.

    • Myopia,

      Mea culpa. I thought you were confirming it but – to be honest – I’ve been out of sorts for a variety of reasons lately so my reading comprehension is currently somewhat lacking, hence my uncertainty. Also, to confess a weakness, I’m sure my reading comprehension needs work any day of the week! Regardless, thanks again. As far as the experience you relate goes:

      It’s amazing what women will teach a man simply by her behavior, isn’t it? I’ll readily admit: it’s the school that taught me.

      Sincerest best to you and yours,


  4. […] mention all of this because a statement by commenter ▶ myopia ◀ gave me cause to share some observations I’ve made since that […]

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