“Staring at the shadows; blowing smoke rings at the moon…”






Not long ago I wrote regarding what I perceived to be ► the common quality ◄ shared by those most successful with women.


Thus, I feel it prudent to take a moment to share what I perceive to be the common quality shared by those unsuccessful with women (and how to avoid it).


Admittedly, there are many contenders for this dubious title considering the nearly innumerable things women would like in a mate. 


But I do believe one among them has a particularly strong case for its claim.




Of the ever increasing number of men who’ve contacted me regarding recent break-ups, the primary shared complaint/comment, either explicitly stated or strongly implied (consciously or unconsciously) has been:


“She was my reason for everything.”


Permit to state loudly and clearly:


I said that very same line.


Twice, in fact.


However, twice was enough for me to recognize the problem.




Recall, ► women default to fear ◄ so they have evolved to lean heavily toward living vicariously.


Through men first, then children.


(Since it’s safe and – once the dopamine is wired to respond to such, as it has over thousands of years – rewarding, it’s also entirely ► pragmatic ◄.)


This is a significant factor in why so many men are absolutely befuddled and dumbstruck when they see so many women seek men that are – by “civilized” metrics – inferior.


What those befuddled men fail to understand is that – to women – men are the car of a roller-coaster.


The log in the flume ride (crass pun unintended).


Men, to women, are the means of experiencing the dangerous amusement park that is the world.


Take away (or replace) the necessity for a male to provide resources for his mate, then entertainment steps up and demands fulfillment.


Fail to provide that, and she’ll likely seek another ticket counter.




However, a conundrum arises.


How can one be “entertaining” without becoming an organ-grinder’s monkey to every charming female that crosses one’s path?


Like so much of what I offer, the answer is simple to state and difficult to enact.


► Rediscover your boyishness ◄ and live for yourself.




Yes, I realize it’s a drum I never stop beating.


It’s the pedal tone to the song that is this blog, in fact.


But it is such for a reason.


In this situation, it’s vital to understand that – while nature has seen fit to spare the female a great deal of danger – nature has also atrophied her ability to seek destiny without considerable external input.


(Again, pragmatism; why choose when someone will gladly do it for you? Thus absolving self of blame or responsibility.


Additionally, think about the societal shift toward slatternly behavior, careerism, et al; none of those things occurred without tremendous and constant media exhortation.)


Thus, seeking meaning and direction from women only serves to frustrate and upset them, in very short order.


And, critically, not in ways they find enticing.




In short, let women see how interesting/exciting/different the ride is.


Move the rope to allow them entry.


But always remember, with or without them—


The ride goes on.







11 Responses to ““Staring at the shadows; blowing smoke rings at the moon…””

  1. It seems there’s stages to learning this lesson.

    Acknowledging it is one thing.

    Accepting it, another.

    Practicing it, more difficult than that.

    And sometimes…one must learn this lesson multiple times before it sinks in entirely. I suppose I shouldn’t be too down about that part though – some men go their entire lives not knowing what the problem is let alone failing to fix it.


  2. A♠,

    “But always remember, with or without them—
    The ride goes on.”

    Our desire for them is powered by the same testosterone that powers all of our other traits. So they effectively derive their power over our minds … from our testosterone. In the end, it’s always about us.

    So yes, let every man do his thing. Even without a woman in his life he has LOTS of things he could be doing that are nearly as gratifying and make him much more interesting anyway.

    That’s the paradox men need to grasp: take your eyes and mind off Women and they begin to appear in your peripheral vision. The rollercoaster doesn’t care who’s riding it.


  3. Men must not derive their lives’ purpose from a woman, or from women. Men must be fully formed beings first, before seeking women.

  4. Rediscover your boyishness – not seen that before; great post.

    Makes perfect sense – I’ve read many people try to define femininity. For me the word that comes closest to defining it is ‘playfulness’. Boyishness – as you have defined it – is the masculine equivalent.

    • CW,

      Sincere thanks for the kind words.

      As far as your definition of femininity goes—

      I’m strongly inclined to second it.

      All the best to you & yours,


  5. “The log in the flume ride (crass pun unintended).”

    I prefer saying; riding a log flume in a suit made of out eels.

  6. […] Not least of which was ► what not to do with women ◄. […]

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