“Thank you, driver, for getting me here…”






This week’s post is brief but the topic is very special to me.




Because the card to which this will be attributed is one that I use in my private journal (I assign cards to people I know to maintain anonymity for them) to represent a man I got to know well almost 20 years ago.


Not only is he someone I grew to respect immensely but he’s the man that’s easily the most genuinely successful with women I’ve ever personally known.




He ► suffered tragedy and learned ◄ from it.


He let it teach him valuable lessons.


Not least of which was ► what not to do with women ◄.


Yet even those facts – in and of themselves – weren’t the most important lesson he unknowingly taught me.


I’ll explain.




Now, I try hard to avoid using terms like “Alpha” and “Beta” but there are times when they are useful shorthand terms.


This will be one of them.


I agree with Dalrock that women ► don’t necessarily want “Alpha” ◄.


(Strong emphasis on “necessarily”.)


To put a somewhat pedantic point on it, I believe they want – on the whole – “Greater Beta”.


Since music is integral to this blog, I’ll use its enjoyment as a metaphor.




Imagine you’re in your car, driving alone on a dark and quiet highway.


To keep yourself company (and perhaps awake), you turn on the stereo.


If you’re like most, you’ll want a balance of bass and treble.


You’ll have your particular preference concerning the levels, of course.


But a blend is still the end result.




Now think of the bass as “good ol’ Beta”. 


Keeping the beat; maintaining rhythm; and informing all the band members of the key in which they should be playing.


Now think of the treble as “flavor and fire Alpha”.


Jumping on and off beat with cymbal and high-hat antics; dancing in and through the key on scorching guitar solos; vocal harmonies charging the chorus with renewed energy.


Some will prefer the former.


Others will prefer the latter.


But the preponderance of listeners will want a blend of the two.


Leveled to their taste.


And that’s what K♥ taught me.





He knew that he didn’t need to be the best.


Just the best in her eyes.


He understood that being a reliable, decent guy – that had a spine and used it – was far more effective than most realize.


He had fun teasing and being playful while never feeling the need to be an asshole.


But, most of all, he made powerful use of women wanting him while only rarely actually having sex with them.


(He learned their desire for him was the most efficient – in regards to cost/risk/benefit – facet of that particular equation.)


I suppose that’s why he married an attractive virgin and has two beautiful children.




So, thanks, ████.


I appreciate the ride.


And I’ve chosen a much better destination because of you.







10 Responses to ““Thank you, driver, for getting me here…””

  1. I know it’s not about me

    But it could be

    Truly, with love, from the trenches
    – Chad

  2. Solid, solid advice Ace. I’ve argued much the same before. Albeit without the success.

    Glad it has helped you in your life.

    • Donal,

      Thanks very much.

      It’s certainly helped.

      And, as far as your “arguing… without the success”:

      Most honest preachers fair poorly in the Fallen world.

      My best to you & yours,


  3. His story gives more hope to most men who come to this corner of the internet than the preponderance of “If you go balls deep into my method, you too can be alfalfa like me!”


  4. mommaslittlebird Says:

    A good man, and a great inspiration.
    It makes me smile knowing someone out there is living the dream.

  5. A reliable, decent guy with a backbone who can – and does – walk away from the table. Even if sex, the customary trump card, is on the table. Playful and fun without lacking boundaries.

    He’s probably got more than one woman kicking herself for losing her shot with him. Too many guys ready to chuck it all for the chance to get to the goodies.

    That’s the right man to learn from.

    • JD,

      “He’s probably got more than one woman kicking herself for losing her shot with him. Too many guys ready to chuck it all for the chance to get to the goodies.”

      While I’ve no solid evidence, I’d still wager you’re right.

      Stay well,


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