“Better lock it in your pocket, takin’ this one to the grave…”






On the heels of ► my last post ◄, circumstances arose which gave me a serious look into female, intra-sex social behavior.








Being a rather gregarious fellow in my daily life, I’ve been friends and acquaintances with quite a number of men and women throughout the course of my life.


I’ve never payed close attention to the female side of things.


Since my interests in them were erotic rather than fraternal.


Thus, it never became a pertinent concern.


However, recent events have – unavoidably – brought female friendships to my necessarily undivided attention.




I confess the rapid series of events which granted me such a stark look may be insufficient to write extensively on the matter.


Yet, I’ll flatter myself saying I tend to do reasonably well drawing conclusions with little information.


The conclusion, in this case is:


Akin to the preponderance of things in a woman’s life, friendships are governed by pragmatism.




This useful – but sometimes flawed – outlook causes female, intra-sex friendships to be ephemeral, in the majority of cases.


They are formed – and dissolved – as necessary.


In short:


They have clearly labeled expiration dates.


Regardless of whether or not women choose to read them.


This is because, consciously or unconsciously, women realize two things:


1} Men fill far more (numerically speaking) needs than women do.


2} What women provide to other women (an ear to bend, emotional support, cheerleading, et al) is significantly easier to replace than men’s contributions to their lives.




This is not to say female, intra-sex friendships are valueless, by any means.


But, all things considered, to the passing window-shopper on the open social market:


The bargain-bin certainly appears to be full of them.







11 Responses to ““Better lock it in your pocket, takin’ this one to the grave…””

  1. A♠,

    Relationships are the historic female stock in trade. As you noted in an early post:


    they’re really not developing them like they used to – everything’s a mile wide and an inch deep. Perhaps in the social media age of the past two decades they simply don’t feel the need to deepen them; everybody is de facto replaceable.

    Which is ridiculous: wherever young women are, that’s where the party starts. That’s where everybody wants to be.

    They needed pragmatism because their lives were always subject to mens’ direction and they could be suddenly uprooted. Now that they have power they never had before I guess they don’t know what to do with it.

    It’s got to be a miserable experience. My own mother had lifelong friends from her teenage years; the husbands were all friends from that time as well. All met in the same town and all have been married for decades.

    By contrast, when my first wife and I separated she not only wrecked my oldest friendship but hers too. Scorched earth.

    Where we’re concerned, sure they need us but most are not ready to concede that until it’s way too late.

    And … we don’t need women who think like that. There’s no clock ticking in our ears and we’re not the ones who wanted war.

    • JD,

      I usually take pieces of comments (yours included) and quote them to show I’ve read and considered the comment in question.

      This one is impossible, however.

      Everything here is absolutely spot on; co-sign 100%.

      Unrelated side-note:

      You said you were “damn glad” I’m posting weekly.

      That meant a tremendous amount to me as I took it deadly seriously.

      All my best,


      • A♠,

        I meant it in all sincerity. Certainly your IRL situation has imposed some chaos upon you and it’s perfectly understandable if a deadline was impossible to meet. But in my opinion this year has seen your best work.

        I can say with some selfishness that it’s been therapeutic for me; speaking as a friend I sincerely hope this project is for you as well.


  2. Ace, pound for pound your posts and the comments in response to them are the best in the ‘sphere. No one else even comes close. Sure there are plenty of good bloggers. But on a word for word basis, you take it to 11.

    • Donal,

      I’m both humbled and honored by such praise.

      Deepest and sincerest thanks.

      Plus, I agree (and have said so many times):

      I’ve the best readers/commenters in the ‘sphere.

      All the best to you,


  3. Don’t forget that for the average modern woman this applies to sisters as well. I knew it did for friends, but I’ve been shocked to learn how much it does to family members. Even a good, virtuous woman will let all familial relationships ag and die if she moves away from home

    • Chad,

      I hadn’t considered family members in the equation (in my defense, I’ve little experience with such a situation) but you raise an excellent point.

      I’ll watch more closely, now that you mention it.

      “Even a good, virtuous woman will let all familial relationships age and die if she moves away from home.”

      Even a good, virtuous woman is still a woman.

      All the best to you & yours,


  4. At some point, if everyone’s replaceable, then you have no friends. No support network.

    Without a man and an estranged family, this makes for a lonely existence that would be all too easy to medicate away – be it SSRIs, other assorted pharmaceuticals, “fruit” by-the-foot*, or likes on Facebook.

    No wonder women today are crazy.

    They weren’t meant for this kind of world.


    *I’m practicing my double entendres here – this one refers to both the sin of gluttony and the sin of lust (or both at the same time 😉 ). That is, either sin may fill you up but neither will leave you satisfied or nourished.

    • Wald,

      “No wonder women today are crazy.

      They weren’t meant for this kind of world.”

      Agreed and I’ve said such more than once.

      Stay well,


  5. This is such a fantastic post. I keep coming back to it, not only to remind myself that female friendships are ephemeral, but for this quote in particular:

    “This is not to say female, intra-sex friendships are valueless, by any means.

    But, all things considered, to the passing window-shopper on the open social market:

    The bargain-bin certainly appears to be full of them.”

    That hits home so hard. I find myself, due to my participation in the 12step community, acquiring a number of female acquaintances. One of whom has become a somewhat close friend. Also, due to my inability to attract young, never married, childless females, and my participation in short-lived sexual relationships that are strictly physical, I have one other close female friendship. I have seen expiration dates pass and be honored. I keep all of this in mind as to not let myself down emotionally in those times. It also reminds me not to put much effort into those particular relationships, rather, to nurture and grow my lasting male friendships.

    I am truly blessed in that department, not only because of my local friendships, but because I can call you, Ace♠, my friend. Thank you kindly for your continued wisdom and friendship.

    • Red,

      I’m tremendously grateful for the kind words but even moreso for the knowledge it’s been a big help to you.

      For the record, I wish you could be there for you more than I have been but, as you know, I’ve got my own struggles.

      Regardless, you know if it gets bad enough – I’m at the other end of phone when the chips are down.

      Stay strong,


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