“Let down for no good reason, chose to walk the way I did…”

 

 

 

 

 

This Friday marks my 46th birthday.

 

Frankly, it’s been a Hell of a ride.

 

Long-time readers know (most of) the story, so I don’t feel a need to repeat myself here.

 

However, I must admit a recent comment by ▶ wald ◀ had me nodding my head – silently and deliberately – given those experiences:

 

“The times in my life I’ve done the most damage to myself, or squandered time I could have used to prepare myself in the event opportunities arose (many came and went), I simply did a whole lot of nothing. Thought there was no point any more.”

 

 

 

At first, it saddened me.

 

I recalled all the things I lost; all I squandered.

 

Yet, I realized, after my life was reduced to whiskey and ashes, I still:

 

Wrote two blogs.

 

Authored two books.

 

A screenplay [it’s a Western, of course].

 

Produced an album.

 

And had more success with women in the decade that followed than the three that preceded it.

 

 

 

I then counted my blessings that this corner of the net brought more quality comrades than even a gregarious fellow such as myself could meet in twice the time.

 

Thanks to those men, I’ve lost 31 lbs since 11 JUN 2018 and have hit the gym 6 days a week for more than a year now.

 

Tomorrow, I’ll mow 1.5 acres of the land I share with friend using a push-mower and then sight two crossbows with a backyard target.

 

 

 

Now, I’m still broke.

 

Still need to lose even more weight.

 

Still need to finish at least two books and a collection of short, horror stories.

 

 

 

That’s the thing about it all.

 

When there’s plenty of daylight, we’re not so worried about the coming night.

 

We’ll dawdle and shuffle.

 

No rush.

 

Or, perhaps worse, keep running in circles; foolishly hoping well-worn ruts in the dirt will somehow shift to reveal the way out.

 

 

 

So it’s funny how loss can sharpen focus.

 

Give a stronger sense of determination.

 

Possibly even prompt him to accomplish more in the dwindling light than he did from dawn to that moment.

 

And help a man understand:

 

Although the sunset is closer than ever—

 

He’s still riding into it.

 

 

 

 

9♦

 

 

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8 Responses to ““Let down for no good reason, chose to walk the way I did…””

  1. A♠,

    No doubt if some legislature ever abolished the ‘last minute’ most peoples’ lives would grind to a halt.

    Nobody knows when their own personal ‘last minute’ is, of course. Some Twitter sage noted recently that expecting to be at a certain point by a certain age is an insidious trap.

    Well, we were liberated from THAT trap at least …

    Isn’t it ironic how we used to think we were on a track to somewhere, and when Life knocked us off-track we thought we’d lost so much?

    All we lost were certain dreams, assumptions and goals. We fell off a long black train and, lying in the ditch, saw it for the first time as it sped by.

    My life went in circles because my choices resulted in one foot being nailed to the track for a couple of decades. No matter which way I went if that train came along I was gonna lose SOMETHING.

    More like Red than Andy Dufresne I suppose. I just put that hard-time face on until I finally got through the front gate. And like Red, everybody expected me to follow the ‘normal’ path when I was free to choose again.

    Meh. “Normal’ is something you might retire to, not something you do until retirement.

  2. Every now and then, I remember that I have all the time in the world*.

    Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

    Wald

    https://80proofoinomancy.wordpress.com/2014/01/19/i-have-all-the-time-in-the-world-to-make-you-mine/

  3. Ace, since you wrote a western screenplay (I’d like to read it some day, or better, see it in a theatre), I have a book recommendation for you…

  4. Link glitch? The book is “Empire of the Summer Moon: Quanah Parker and the Rise and Fall of the Comanches” by S.C. Gwynne.

    • Seems to be working, atm, at my end of things. If you can’t see it at yours, please let me know and I’ll be glad to simply repost them as a comment of my own, then check if that resolves the issue.

  5. There’s a big blank space for the 9:21 post. You can just delete it and the 9:23 if you wish, I only wanted to mention the book.

    Aside from eating-drinking-sleeping, I have daydreaming in second place for the most important thing we can do with our lives. The institutions of the West are set up to deprive people of the time to “waste time” with their own imaginations.

    • Myopia,

      “Aside from eating-drinking-sleeping, I have daydreaming in second place for the most important thing we can do with our lives. The institutions of the West are set up to deprive people of the time to “waste time” with their own imaginations.”

      Agreed 100%

      As a side note, a few days ago I emailed my screenplay to the address that is linked to your comments.

      All the best to you & yours,

      A♠

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