“Let down for no good reason, chose to walk the way I did…”

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This Friday marks my 46th birthday.

 

Frankly, it’s been a Hell of a ride.

 

Long-time readers know (most of) the story, so I don’t feel a need to repeat myself here.

 

However, I must admit a recent comment by ▶ wald ◀ had me nodding my head – silently and deliberately – given those experiences:

 

“The times in my life I’ve done the most damage to myself, or squandered time I could have used to prepare myself in the event opportunities arose (many came and went), I simply did a whole lot of nothing. Thought there was no point any more.”

 

 

 

At first, it saddened me.

 

I recalled all the things I lost; all I squandered.

 

Yet, I realized, after my life was reduced to whiskey and ashes, I still:

 

Wrote two blogs.

 

Authored two books.

 

A screenplay [it’s a Western, of course].

 

Produced an album.

 

And had more success with women in the decade that followed than the three that preceded it.

 

 

 

I then counted my blessings that this corner of the net brought more quality comrades than even a gregarious fellow such as myself could meet in twice the time.

 

Thanks to those men, I’ve lost 31 lbs since 11 JUN 2018 and have hit the gym 6 days a week for more than a year now.

 

Tomorrow, I’ll mow 1.5 acres of the land I share with friend using a push-mower and then sight two crossbows with a backyard target.

 

 

 

Now, I’m still broke.

 

Still need to lose even more weight.

 

Still need to finish at least two books and a collection of short, horror stories.

 

 

 

That’s the thing about it all.

 

When there’s plenty of daylight, we’re not so worried about the coming night.

 

We’ll dawdle and shuffle.

 

No rush.

 

Or, perhaps worse, keep running in circles; foolishly hoping well-worn ruts in the dirt will somehow shift to reveal the way out.

 

 

 

So it’s funny how loss can sharpen focus.

 

Give a stronger sense of determination.

 

Possibly even prompt him to accomplish more in the dwindling light than he did from dawn to that moment.

 

And help a man understand:

 

Although the sunset is closer than ever—

 

He’s still riding into it.

 

 

 

 

9♦