“Lady Luck never smiles, so lend your love to me awhile…”

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When I started this “one post a week” challenge to myself, I made the comparison to ⁂ gambling ⁂.

 

Specifically:

“Like a deck of cards, some will be worth more than others.
 
Don’t blame the dealer for that (it’s the nature of the game, after all).
 
Since, in the end—
 
It’s up to you to build a winning hand with them.”

 

 
It’s not by accident I did so and that I chose the handle “Ace of Spades”, years ago.

 

Nor that I write books under the pen name “Charles Spadille” [“Spadille” being the French word for “ace of spades”].

 

Life is gambling on so many levels as to be impossible to delineate properly.

 

Thus, with that firmly in mind, while speaking with frequent commenter Wald, I realized I’ve never addressed how to build a winning hand with “friendzoning”.

 

On its surface, being “friendzoned” is agonizing, disheartening and – to most sufferers – inescapable.

 

Yet being the inveterate cardsharp I am, I feel obliged to offer some assistance to men in the situation.

 

 

 

As I’ve been gently ribbed for not providing “actionable advice”, I’ll uncharacteristically provide such:

 

1} Understand your position. You’ve been declared unsuitable mate material. Railing against it or falling to bitterness will only hurt you. The female in question will only gain victim points if you punish her for her choice (which, frankly and fairly, is entirely – and rightly – hers to make).

 

2} Realize she has extended the offer of “friendship”, which actually puts her in a much weaker position (play-wise) than is readily apparent. She has willingly made herself available for reasonable social requests. If she has made the offer honestly, great for both of you. If not, she’s unwittingly sacrificed the game for a single hand. Either way, you’re set up to take the pot, down the road.

 

3} When the offer is presented to you: allow yourself nothing more than mild disappointment. Quickly smile and be grateful. Sincerely, since she’s just revealed her hand.

 

4} A week or two later, invite her out somewhere public. Make sure it’s somewhere she’ll feel safe and can easily excuse herself, should she wish to do so. Continue to invite her every few weeks until she attends or passes three times. If she passes three times, delete her number. In the unlikely event she contacts you after that, very mildly guilt trip her about not being a friend and ditching you so often. Decide if you wish to continue talking to her, since the ball is solidly in your court now.

 

5} If she takes you up on it, treat her like she were a male acquaintance [not a close friend]. Tease her gently; pay for her if and when you feel like it but not a whit more. Most of all, be sure to flirt with women in her presence. Be bolder than usual but don’t overdo it. Go for phone numbers of other women, even if you doubt you’ll get them.

 

 

 
All that said, why do I recommend that course of action?

 

1} It puts preselection to work for the man in question. An unromantically involved woman willing to be seen with him is better than none.

 

2} It forces her hand in the game. She can decide they are Truly friends, help him move on and share a good time out on the town. Or, she can excuse herself from his life, freeing him from further social obligation.

 

3} Lastly, yet not of least importance, it may (just may) cause her to reconsider her position. He certainly isn’t being clingy or cloying; he is taking charge of his situation.

 

 

 

In the event it must be mentioned, I’ll do so:

 

The key factor in all of this is genuine behavior.

 

Do not do this in hopes of winning her.

 

After all, she’s not a prize.

 

She’s an opposing player.

 

And it’s the role she chose.

 

 

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