“I know I can share it if you want me to; if you’re going my way, I’ll go with you…”

J♠

 

 

 

 

While the negative effects of modernity on men in this day and age are widely discussed, there’s an issue I’m noticing with increasing frequency.

 

It’s certainly come to my attention more in recent months than I’ve seen mentioned in the past few years.

 

That issue is the lack of friends/camaraderie.

 

 

 

As I write this, I find it bitterly amusing, to be perfectly honest.

 

Our section of the internet has offered advice on dating, pick-up, weight-training, money-making along with myriad other endeavors but I truly can’t recall anything being said about simply finding a fellow join you for a beer.

 

I suppose it could simply be taken for granted.

 

Much is, no doubt.

 

But, as I’ve said many times before:

 

I’ve learned – and it was a hard yet worthwhile lesson – to take nothing for granted.

 

Or perhaps counseling men towards building relationships with one another is viewed as a push toward homosexuality.

 

Anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear knows that male friendship is twisted and corrupted in countless films, television programs, books, et al.

 

For some reason, in 21st century pop-culture, the trend is to show men can only fight or fuck one-another.

 

Whether this is by design or simply a vile spontaneity, I don’t care to investigate at the moment.

 

Regardless, a dearth of friends is a pitfall worse than most suspect.

 

 

 

For reasons I’ve discussed in previous posts and in one of my books, I consider the aforementioned state the most dangerous condition afflicting men these days (and that’s saying quite a bit).

 

Thus, I’ll offer my thoughts on how overcome the problem for its sufferers.

 

A} I recommend you read Robert Glover’s ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’. It’s an excellent work on how to start clearly communicating with those in one’s life and drawing healthy boundaries for oneself.

 

B} After reading and practicing the treatment offered therein until you feel comfortable establishing personal boundaries in a reasonable way, read ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic for a reason. Be careful not to rush into it, however. Boundaries are critical. Also, reading these in the reverse order will cause/create otherwise easily avoided problems of a potentially large degree. I know; I read them in the reverse [read: bad] order.

 

As far as my own personal suggestions for action go, I offer them now:

 

1} Have a realistic goal. Don’t expect to be best friends after exchanging two sentences. Let things build on their own. On the other hand, don’t enter into every acquaintanceship expecting the other person will be an asshole, betray you or both.

 

2} Understand someone in the formula must move first. Someone must risk being hurt or rebuffed. Most of all, understand that someone must be you. The ‘sphere says expecting women to make the first move is a terrible idea. I add, as far as friendship goes: expecting men to make the first move isn’t much better. Everyone has walls. There are men that read my blog for literally years before even commenting, let alone building a (telephonic/IRL) friendship. Realize that’s with the protection of anonymity and digital barriers. Real life is quintuplely so.

 

3} Do your utmost to balance your openness. Share as appropriate; conceal as appropriate. Few build strong friendships with those who respond purely monosyllabically yet few want to be drenched in emotional vomit by a social bulimic. The first gives nothing for someone to latch onto while the second gives nothing but a mess to wash off.

 

4} Build separate friends groups. One set are drinking buddies; the second are golfing/gaming/fishing/et al pals; third are acquaintances through work, school, et al. Once built, keep them separate. Should one fall apart, you’ve others to keep you sane. If you learn no other lesson in all this – learn this one.

 

5} As a general rule: don’t befriend women. Biology is too powerful a siren-song. If she’s even moderately attractive, it’s likely you’ll want to fuck her, thus fuck it all up. Of course, there are cases where a man can make it work. But it’s far more likely to happen (if healthy) as a fortunate accident rather than through any actual effort.

 

 

Whether you choose to use my suggestions or not:

 

I wish you much success in building a healthy social circle.

 

It’s a castle that provides refuge, respite and resilience beyond measure.

 

 

J♠