“No, she ain’t comin’ back ’cause there’s nothin’ left to come back to…”

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One of the worst disservices done over the last 30 or so years to young men is this:

 

Advocating – or, at the very least, tacitly encouraging – clinginess and cloying behavior.

 

Pushing – either overtly or subtly – young men to surfeit women on indulgences and deference.

 

Presenting constant sharing, endless conversation and ceaseless, vocalized consideration as effective relationship strategies.

 

While the list of injustices dished out to men over the past century is lengthy, I believe the above to be damn near the top of the list.

 

Which, one should understand, is no small accomplishment of infamy.

 

 

 

Accordingly, the ‘sphere has strongly recommended (for a decade or more, at this point) that men should avoid being clingy.

 

Advice such as “grow a spine”, “be cocky” and “practice amused mastery” has been passed around so quickly and often it could double as a centrifuge.

 

Now, I agree with all of those recommendations (although to varying degrees, depending on the specific fellow seeking my advice).

 

However, my stance on this blog – from its inception – is that a man should learn the physics of the world and build the engine to drive him to his exact specifications.

 

Meaning:

 

A line or tactic may work for me but it may not work for you.

 

Understanding the reasons why lines or tactics work allows them to originate from and be tailored to suit the man in need.

 

Thus, I wouldn’t be the man I am if I didn’t mark the cards so my boys can get an edge in this particular hand.

 

 

 

Although we’re told to avoid it, what – in fact – is wrong with being a clingy man?

 

Well, as everything concerning women:

 

It’s not the action itself that helps or hinders, but what it says at a deeper level.

 

And clinginess is a man deeply broadcasting a semaphore message in massive, brilliant lights that could be seen from orbit.

 

That message is:

 

“I’m afraid of the world and I need a tremendous amount of help to navigate it.”

 

Women look to men for guidance, assurance and courage.

 

Clinginess signals an utter dearth of all three.

 

So, if there’s a worse message to send a woman, I’ve yet to read it.

 

 

 

Of course, like almost everything concerning men and women, what’s true for one is false for the other.

 

Women (unless they fuel up and drive frantically off into crazytown) are helped by being clingy.

 

Why?

 

Because it signals exactly the things I said it does.

 

And that attracts men.

 

It lets men feel needed (which is far better than being wanted, but that’s a topic for another day).

 

In fact, it allows men to feel as though their primal function is being fulfilled.

 

Not to mention it can gently sub-communicate loyalty, depending on its expression.

 

 

 

Fellas, it’s fine to feel frightened, confused and lonely.

 

Those are perfectly normal, human emotions.

 

Just don’t expect a ⁂ cruise ship ⁂ – as opposed to the Coast Guard – to answer your distress call.

 

 

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