“They’re neither moral nor majority”

9♥

 

 

I normally try to avoid trendy topics, but in this instance I’ll make an exception.

 

Actually, I’ll make an exception within an exception by giving actionable advice.

 

While most will be pumping even more mind-numbing Netflix and other forms of nigh-on-satanic digital heroin into their nervous systems in the coming weeks, I offer alternatives – because I, unlike them, care about you.

 

 

 

Thus, in the wake of what is now considered a pandemic, permit me to give some (unrequested) actionable advice should quarantines progress in stringency:

 

1} Unplug your television. You don’t need to break it or perform any expensive, iconoclastic-signaling nonsense such as that, but unplug it. Make it that much harder for you to watch it; render it more difficult for you to turn it on in favor of other – more productive – activities.

 

2} Go clean out your car and perform basic maintenance. Wherever it’s parked is very likely to be more than six feet from people so you won’t catch anything except the trash collection that’s been proliferating on your floorboards for quite some time.

 

3} Don’t have a car (or even if you do)? Clean your place. Don’t lie; you live somewhere. Vacuum; wash the windows; sweep; mop. You may be stuck there a while so make confinement that much more pleasant.

 

4} Do bodyweight exercises; yoga; stretches; walk around your yard (if you have some land). There’s exactly zero reasons you can’t go online and create a complete routine to do three or more times a week for 45 minutes each time.

 

5} Start writing emails. Contact folks you feel would be good candidates for reconnection or solidify friendships you already have. Germs won’t be transmitted thusly.

 

6} Learn a few crock pot/slow cooker recipes. If you don’t have one, go buy one while you can. Broke? Try thrift stores. You’ll be amazed how healthy you can eat on very little money and on meager supplies.

 

7} Make use of 24 hour stores in your area. If you work 9/5, nap if you must, but shop at 0200 regardless. Should you acclimate yourself to a weekly trip, I promise you’ll never go back to your old ways of shopping.

 

8} If you’re blessed enough to have a family or decent roommates, play board games. Break ’em out and put them to use (Note: not Monopoly, as that’s basically divorce in a box).

 

9} Hit that pile of “to be read” books you’ve neglected for far too long already. Don’t have one? Search for Project Gutenberg online and download some classics for free. Read them on your phone or tablet. I’ve a beat-up, used Nook that I’ve read everything from Dracula to The Insidious Fu-Manchu – for free, legally.

 

10} Lastly, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t plug table-top role-playing games. If you trust your friends to not attend a la the Red Death, invite them over and learn one together. PDF’s can be bought online or found free. Many of which use standard playing cards or dice that can be found in the board games you have around the house, too. Just do a bit of research.

 

 

 

That said, here’s things not to do that I have unwisely done in self-imposed exile:

 

1} Don’t drink enough whiskey to shit blood.

 

2} Don’t alienate friends and family by ignoring calls and messages.

 

3} Don’t start indulging your emotional bulimia online by starting a blog and writing incessantly for years for an audience small enough to fit in a high-school auditorium.

 

[OK, the last of the “don’ts” was a joke since I’ve met some great folks that way but understand it’s still laborious and financially unprofitable.]

 

Now, don’t say nobody loves you.

 

Because I just proved I do.

 

Stay well and healthy,

 

A♠

 

9♥