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“But ’til I get myself straight, I guess I’ll just have to wait…”

Posted in Uncategorized on July 14, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

During my time here in this corner of the web of ours, I’ve seen many men make many promises to their readers.

 

While the exact promises have varied, the preponderance of them have revolved around two things:

 

Material success and women.

 

 

 

This is not shocking in the least.

 

After all, those two things have been the primary concerns for men throughout human history.

 

Marketing toward those ends is certainly wise, regardless of the morality of the motivation behind it.

 

So I shan’t criticize, if for no other reasons than wisdom, itself, is to be respected; I myself have made certain promises (albeit slightly different than most) regarding women.

 

However, a thought has recently occurred to me that I’ve yet to see anyone explicitly state.

 

 

 

Perhaps this thought has never (at least in the areas I survey) been clearly stated because such an act is unnecessary.

 

But – whether it’s my age or my experience or some combination thereof – I consider very little to be obvious, anymore.

 

Thus, I’ll share it.

 

Like cars, private planes, boats, tailored suits, and other fine goods dangled before the eyes of so many men—

 

Women are a luxury.

 

 

 

Now, this is not to say women can only be afforded by men of serious financial means.

 

Certainly, such a condition helps and – dare I say – unlocks some doors.

 

But it is by no means a requirement for acquiring worthwhile female companionship.

 

Why, then, do I classify women as a luxury?

 

Because women can only be attained by abundance.

 

 

 

Abundance needn’t be material.

 

After all, it’s a well-known trope that deadbeats and ne’er-do-wells often have women latched firmly to their sides.

 

However, those men have an abundance of something.

 

While those particular somethings may vary, the abundance is certainly real – and necessary – to the women they attract.

 

Even women not attracted to those two types of men still require abundance. 

 

An abundance of understanding.

 

An abundance of emotional fortitude.

 

An abundance of patience (ask any man in a long-term relationship).

 

 

 

“Plenty of people have talked about ‘abundance mindset’ so you’re wrong.

 

It’s been stated.”

 

That’s why I qualified my statement with the word “explicitly”.

 

See, abundance mindset has been mentioned, no doubt.

 

Yet, pointing out women are a luxury (along with clarifying what abundance means, at its core) really hasn’t been done.

 

Which is important to do for a few reasons:

 

1} Luxuries aren’t necessities. One can live without the former.

 

2} Luxuries – depending on their scarcity and value – often require much time and effort to attain; rarely do they fall into one’s lap.

 

3} Once attained, luxuries are often costly to maintain. They may improve one’s quality of life immeasurably – thus justifying their costs – but it doesn’t change the fact they’re expensive.

   

 

 

Needless to say, this is why I’m always advocating a man look after himself and his needs first.

 

Because living beyond one’s means is a dangerous course.

 

 

 

 

 

3♦

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“Fly to your tomorrow…”

Posted in Uncategorized on July 7, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

[A reworked and expanded version of this post will appear as a new chapter in the revised edition of ► The Holistic Guide to Suicide ◄]

 

 

My posts have been consistently last minute, I freely admit.

 

(Though I’m proud to say there’s been a post for every week since I’ve begun this year’s project, as promised.)

 

This is not without good reason.

 

I’m trying to move, once more.

 

 

 

See, I moved from Philadelphia a few years ago to Oklahoma.

 

Now I’m moving within the state (for the second time).

 

I’ve become a bit of an itinerant, it appears.

 

Oddly enough, the old me – the one prior to disintegrating into cigarette ashes afloat upon a lake of whiskey – never moved. 

 

Traveled, sure.

 

But never really moved… more than 10 miles from where I was born, to be clear.

 

I felt too tied to friends.

 

Too obligated to family. 

 

Too beholden to jobs.

 

 

 

My mother and grandmother often dissuaded me from relocating.

 

My father didn’t take enough interest in me to counter them.

 

It was only after those two powerful, female influences in my life died – and my grief-stricken dad fled the state in the interim of their respective deaths – did the idea finally cross my mind in any meaningful sense.

 

Upon voicing the prospect to a close friend, he replied:

 

“Go.

 

No one needs you here.”

 

Hearing that made me sympathize with gunshot victims.

 

The words rang in my ears; their impact almost knocked me to the floor.

 

 

 

It took me a bit to recover, but I saw the Truth of his statement.

 

My friends were grown men and women with lives (and sometimes children) of their own.

 

My family was dead or had abandoned me.

 

My fiancé had betrayed me and gone.

 

My job had fired me.

 

I was completely unnecessary. 

 

Without melodrama, I can say honestly:

 

I was a man without a people, a family and – in an almost literal fashion – without a country.

 

 

 

Although I saw the Truth in his words, I would misunderstand that particular Truth.

 

I interpreted the words as a rejection.

 

An abjuration of the ghost I’d become.

 

A banishing of the oft-summoned “Jersey Devil” (the nicknamed I’d acquired years prior).

 

Thus, I crawled into a row home in a Philadelphia ghetto to complete the suicide I’d begun.

 

However, I’d be fortunate enough to reinterpret that enervating statement a year or so later.

 

 

 

While talking with folks online (via my writing on this blog and another), I’d discover I still had things to offer the world.

 

That what my friend had meant (he’d later confirm this) was that the person that needed me most was myself.

 

That my time in the area was over but not the world.

 

That there were other rivers in need of fording; roads to travel; friends to meet; and enemies to harry.

 

Though I’d filled my purpose there, my purpose itself was still extant.

 

 

 

Thus I say to you:

 

If it seems to you that exstence is purposeless, that people are distant and work is little more than a chore for a paycheck:

 

Accept that the fields have gone barren.

 

Then plant new seeds elsewhere.

 

In short:

 

Don’t give up on life; give up on the geography.

 

 

 

So, if the sad conditions I mentioned apply to you, dear reader:

 

Shake the dust from your wings.

 

Stretch them well.

 

And fly onward.

 

With new perspectives will come new meaning.

 

 

 

 

 

2♦

“Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light…”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 30, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Our corner of the web [the ‘sphere] has seen some breathtaking changes over the past 10 years.

 

Growth and evolution.

 

Attrition and stagnation.

 

Along with more than a few points in between.

 

Throughout it all, I confess I’ve inconsistently posted.

 

However, I’ve been consistently thematic.

 

 

 

My ideas, suggestions and viewpoints have changed very little in that time.

 

Perhaps, to some, that’s a negative; a cause for criticism.

 

Admittedly, that can be a sign of intellectual laxity (meaning a type of negligence, in cases such as this).

 

However, given the evidence:

 

I tend to believe my lack of deviation is a positive.

 

After all:

 

When reality behaves as an ally, it’s best not to change sides.

 

 

 

That being said, it’s the reason I write and behave (online) the way I do.

 

I do not view this as entertainment or even a pleasant distraction, but as a cloister of sorts.

 

A place for men to enter to peacefully ponder the world, its works and their (our) place in it.

 

The music acting as a call to our philosophical evensong.

 

And the camaraderie found here to be intellectually and emotionally bolstering.

 

I thank you for joining me.

 

 

 

Two suits down; two to go.

 

If you’ve found my work here of interest, please consider purchasing my ► first ◄ or ► second ◄ book or perhaps donate with PayPal via my email [the contact link is on my main page].

 

I’d be exceptionally grateful. 

 

As a side note, once I finish my move to a new home this summer, I’ll try to release at least one new book by January of 2019.

 

My sincerest best to you all.

 

 

 

 

 

A♥

“Thank you, driver, for getting me here…”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 23, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

This week’s post is brief but the topic is very special to me.

 

Why?

 

Because the card to which this will be attributed is one that I use in my private journal (I assign cards to people I know to maintain anonymity for them) to represent a man I got to know well almost 20 years ago.

 

Not only is he someone I grew to respect immensely but he’s the man that’s easily the most genuinely successful with women I’ve ever personally known.

 

 

 

He ► suffered tragedy and learned ◄ from it.

 

He let it teach him valuable lessons.

 

Not least of which was ► what not to do with women ◄.

 

Yet even those facts – in and of themselves – weren’t the most important lesson he unknowingly taught me.

 

I’ll explain.

 

 

 

Now, I try hard to avoid using terms like “Alpha” and “Beta” but there are times when they are useful shorthand terms.

 

This will be one of them.

 

I agree with Dalrock that women ► don’t necessarily want “Alpha” ◄.

 

(Strong emphasis on “necessarily”.)

 

To put a somewhat pedantic point on it, I believe they want – on the whole – “Greater Beta”.

 

Since music is integral to this blog, I’ll use its enjoyment as a metaphor.

 

 

 

Imagine you’re in your car, driving alone on a dark and quiet highway.

 

To keep yourself company (and perhaps awake), you turn on the stereo.

 

If you’re like most, you’ll want a balance of bass and treble.

 

You’ll have your particular preference concerning the levels, of course.

 

But a blend is still the end result.

 

 

 

Now think of the bass as “good ol’ Beta”. 

 

Keeping the beat; maintaining rhythm; and informing all the band members of the key in which they should be playing.

 

Now think of the treble as “flavor and fire Alpha”.

 

Jumping on and off beat with cymbal and high-hat antics; dancing in and through the key on scorching guitar solos; vocal harmonies charging the chorus with renewed energy.

 

Some will prefer the former.

 

Others will prefer the latter.

 

But the preponderance of listeners will want a blend of the two.

 

Leveled to their taste.

 

And that’s what K♥ taught me.

 

 

 

 

He knew that he didn’t need to be the best.

 

Just the best in her eyes.

 

He understood that being a reliable, decent guy – that had a spine and used it – was far more effective than most realize.

 

He had fun teasing and being playful while never feeling the need to be an asshole.

 

But, most of all, he made powerful use of women wanting him while only rarely actually having sex with them.

 

(He learned their desire for him was the most efficient – in regards to cost/risk/benefit – facet of that particular equation.)

 

I suppose that’s why he married an attractive virgin and has two beautiful children.

 

 

 

So, thanks, ████.

 

I appreciate the ride.

 

And I’ve chosen a much better destination because of you.

 

 

 

 

 

K♥

“…and love the light that brings a smile across your face.”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 16, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Some time ago I wrote of the almost inexplicable ► quality ◄ women possess to bring contentment to a man.

 

I’d like to take a moment to mention a powerful card in the hands of women that is all too underutilized in their dealings with men in this day and age.

 

I’d argue it is – in fact – the most efficacious one they have.

 

More so even than sex.

 

The quality or facet to which I allude is:

 

Appreciativeness.

 

 

 

While sex – and to a lesser extent charm – are the royals in the female hand, the ace is gratitude. 

 

Certainly, it can be a low card if squandered on abusive men.

 

But, barring the constantly mentioned (yet far less actually encountered) brute, appreciation is a high card in the female side of the game.

 

 

 

It takes little to no effort in assessing such to realize simple gratitude earns not merely a high percentage of its offering but exponentially greater rewards than it is as offered.

 

Meaning:

 

The return on being a grateful woman is far more than the appreciation invested.

 

 

 

Simply observe how much women get when expressing minimal (if that) appreciation.

 

Then take note how many – and how vociferously – men throw themselves into anywhere from inconvenience to danger just for a coquettish, softly vocalized “thank you”.

 

This observation alone indicates there is something ingrained in the male psyche to tie oneself up in knots for an internal chemical reward of staggering effectiveness.

 

[As a relevant aside, I believe sex to be weaker – on its own – as:

 

1} Sex is often a manifestation of appreciation and

 

2} Sex becomes less appealing as a reward as age sets in for both genders; sincere appreciation never goes out of style.] 

 

Indeed, when abused (and used intermittently), it is this quality that will have men literally killing – themselves or others – to gain mere scraps of it.

 

However, my intent here is not to be negative.

 

When used with humility, love and genuine concern for a man (and his life, in general) it is this quality that will fire his ambition and have him reaching the ► gates of Heaven ◄, itself.

 

 

 

I’ve known less than a handful of women that understand the True power of this gift of theirs.

 

I was reminded of one when, serendipitously, she contacted me as I was working this post out in my head.

 

During that conversation, she mentioned how she’d do dishes and clean the rental home the morning after parties three male college friends had, to which she was invited.

 

The men would fawn over her for those simple acts.

 

So much so that, later, one of their girlfriends noticed and said, with some vitriol, to her something very much like:

 

“All the guys want you.

 

Even my boyfriend.

 

It doesn’t make sense.”

 

To which she replied:

 

“I listen to men.

 

I enjoy listening to them.

 

It’s only right that I should give back for things they give me.

 

It’s not hard.

 

And if I wanted your boyfriend—

 

I’d take him.

 

 

 

Though perhaps immodest, she wasn’t arrogant.

 

Since she wasn’t wrong on a word of it.

 

 

 

 

 

Q♥

“Staring at the shadows; blowing smoke rings at the moon…”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Not long ago I wrote regarding what I perceived to be ► the common quality ◄ shared by those most successful with women.

 

Thus, I feel it prudent to take a moment to share what I perceive to be the common quality shared by those unsuccessful with women (and how to avoid it).

 

Admittedly, there are many contenders for this dubious title considering the nearly innumerable things women would like in a mate. 

 

But I do believe one among them has a particularly strong case for its claim.

 

 

 

Of the ever increasing number of men who’ve contacted me regarding recent break-ups, the primary shared complaint/comment, either explicitly stated or strongly implied (consciously or unconsciously) has been:

 

“She was my reason for everything.”

 

Permit to state loudly and clearly:

 

I said that very same line.

 

Twice, in fact.

 

However, twice was enough for me to recognize the problem.

 

 

 

Recall, ► women default to fear ◄ so they have evolved to lean heavily toward living vicariously.

 

Through men first, then children.

 

(Since it’s safe and – once the dopamine is wired to respond to such, as it has over thousands of years – rewarding, it’s also entirely ► pragmatic ◄.)

 

This is a significant factor in why so many men are absolutely befuddled and dumbstruck when they see so many women seek men that are – by “civilized” metrics – inferior.

 

What those befuddled men fail to understand is that – to women – men are the car of a roller-coaster.

 

The log in the flume ride (crass pun unintended).

 

Men, to women, are the means of experiencing the dangerous amusement park that is the world.

 

Take away (or replace) the necessity for a male to provide resources for his mate, then entertainment steps up and demands fulfillment.

 

Fail to provide that, and she’ll likely seek another ticket counter.

 

 

 

However, a conundrum arises.

 

How can one be “entertaining” without becoming an organ-grinder’s monkey to every charming female that crosses one’s path?

 

Like so much of what I offer, the answer is simple to state and difficult to enact.

 

► Rediscover your boyishness ◄ and live for yourself.

 

 

 

Yes, I realize it’s a drum I never stop beating.

 

It’s the pedal tone to the song that is this blog, in fact.

 

But it is such for a reason.

 

In this situation, it’s vital to understand that – while nature has seen fit to spare the female a great deal of danger – nature has also atrophied her ability to seek destiny without considerable external input.

 

(Again, pragmatism; why choose when someone will gladly do it for you? Thus absolving self of blame or responsibility.

 

Additionally, think about the societal shift toward slatternly behavior, careerism, et al; none of those things occurred without tremendous and constant media exhortation.)

 

Thus, seeking meaning and direction from women only serves to frustrate and upset them, in very short order.

 

And, critically, not in ways they find enticing.

 

 

 

In short, let women see how interesting/exciting/different the ride is.

 

Move the rope to allow them entry.

 

But always remember, with or without them—

 

The ride goes on.

 

 

 

 

 

J♥

“What an unexpected pleasure.”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2018 by A♠

 

 

A female reader asked:

 

“Please write a gender-relations breakdown of a TV show (or portion of one) you like.”

 

As caddersworld proved, ask and ye shall receive.

 

 

 

Admittedly, I no longer watch the HBO series ‘Game of Thrones’ for a few reasons but I did enjoy it for a time.

 

During that period, a female friend and I spoke weekly regarding it.

 

One of our conversations (I really should’ve recorded and shared them) contained my overwhelmingly powerful love of this scene:

 

 

 

So, ██████, your answer follows.

 

 

 

Here is what I believe important to note:

 

1} Although Lady Stark is of high (noble) birth, the very first man she addresses, she is careful to still call “sir”.

 

2} She is femininely passive yet she is not obsequious.

 

3} She does not act as a mother hen, pecking at the men around her nor does she nag them into aiding her.

 

4} She does not question any man’s honor. Instead, she reminds them of it.

 

5} Tyrion (the dwarf) is confused. As adept as he is at social manipulation, his physical appearance has caused a dearth in his knowledge of women and how they operate (on any level beyond prostitution). Therefore, he cannot predict what is about to happen.

 

6} She does not use her status. Instead, she uses the status of the men in her life.

 

7} She emphasizes her place a loyal daughter, wife and mother.

 

8} She admits, tacitly yet wordlessly, that she is powerless to bring this man to justice. However, she reminds the men around her that they are not powerless.

 

9} She gives a look of reproach at Tyrion when he subtly mocks the 90-year-old man marrying; calling attention to his slight of the addressed man’s liege; giving the man an even more personal reason to involve himself.

 

10} She clearly states that her son was almost killed. Her, and her husband’s, legitimate male heir was placed in dire jeopardy.

 

 

 

I told my female friend:

 

This is a harsh statement, but it is Truth—

 

Soldiers.

 

Firemen.

 

Police.

 

Remember, you are only safe and secure as long there are men that are willing to fight and die to protect you.

 

Take away a man’s desire to defend you, and you are likely lost.

 

 

 

To me, this scene is the perfect demonstration of the use feminine power at its finest.

 

Knowledge of details, social ties, relationship-building, and admission of vulnerability are all strong aspects of femininity

 

Misperceived as weakness by those too myopic to see their mid to long-term strengths.

 

 

 

In fact, though make-believe, I get chills every time I watch it.

 

Because, regardless of the sex of the competitor:

 

I can appreciate a well-played game.

 

 

 

 

 

 

10♥