Archive for the Uncategorized Category

“Thank you, driver, for getting me here…”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 23, 2018 by A♠






This week’s post is brief but the topic is very special to me.




Because the card to which this will be attributed is one that I use in my private journal (I assign cards to people I know to maintain anonymity for them) to represent a man I got to know well almost 20 years ago.


Not only is he someone I grew to respect immensely but he’s the man that’s easily the most genuinely successful with women I’ve ever personally known.




He ► suffered tragedy and learned ◄ from it.


He let it teach him valuable lessons.


Not least of which was ► what not to do with women ◄.


Yet even those facts – in and of themselves – weren’t the most important lesson he unknowingly taught me.


I’ll explain.




Now, I try hard to avoid using terms like “Alpha” and “Beta” but there are times when they are useful shorthand terms.


This will be one of them.


I agree with Dalrock that women ► don’t necessarily want “Alpha” ◄.


(Strong emphasis on “necessarily”.)


To put a somewhat pedantic point on it, I believe they want – on the whole – “Greater Beta”.


Since music is integral to this blog, I’ll use its enjoyment as a metaphor.




Imagine you’re in your car, driving alone on a dark and quiet highway.


To keep yourself company (and perhaps awake), you turn on the stereo.


If you’re like most, you’ll want a balance of bass and treble.


You’ll have your particular preference concerning the levels, of course.


But a blend is still the end result.




Now think of the bass as “good ol’ Beta”. 


Keeping the beat; maintaining rhythm; and informing all the band members of the key in which they should be playing.


Now think of the treble as “flavor and fire Alpha”.


Jumping on and off beat with cymbal and high-hat antics; dancing in and through the key on scorching guitar solos; vocal harmonies charging the chorus with renewed energy.


Some will prefer the former.


Others will prefer the latter.


But the preponderance of listeners will want a blend of the two.


Leveled to their taste.


And that’s what K♥ taught me.





He knew that he didn’t need to be the best.


Just the best in her eyes.


He understood that being a reliable, decent guy – that had a spine and used it – was far more effective than most realize.


He had fun teasing and being playful while never feeling the need to be an asshole.


But, most of all, he made powerful use of women wanting him while only rarely actually having sex with them.


(He learned their desire for him was the most efficient – in regards to cost/risk/benefit – facet of that particular equation.)


I suppose that’s why he married an attractive virgin and has two beautiful children.




So, thanks, ████.


I appreciate the ride.


And I’ve chosen a much better destination because of you.








“…and love the light that brings a smile across your face.”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 16, 2018 by A♠






Some time ago I wrote of the almost inexplicable ► quality ◄ women possess to bring contentment to a man.


I’d like to take a moment to mention a powerful card in the hands of women that is all too underutilized in their dealings with men in this day and age.


I’d argue it is – in fact – the most efficacious one they have.


More so even than sex.


The quality or facet to which I allude is:






While sex – and to a lesser extent charm – are the royals in the female hand, the ace is gratitude. 


Certainly, it can be a low card if squandered on abusive men.


But, barring the constantly mentioned (yet far less actually encountered) brute, appreciation is a high card in the female side of the game.




It takes little to no effort in assessing such to realize simple gratitude earns not merely a high percentage of its offering but exponentially greater rewards than it is as offered.




The return on being a grateful woman is far more than the appreciation invested.




Simply observe how much women get when expressing minimal (if that) appreciation.


Then take note how many – and how vociferously – men throw themselves into anywhere from inconvenience to danger just for a coquettish, softly vocalized “thank you”.


This observation alone indicates there is something ingrained in the male psyche to tie oneself up in knots for an internal chemical reward of staggering effectiveness.


[As a relevant aside, I believe sex to be weaker – on its own – as:


1} Sex is often a manifestation of appreciation and


2} Sex becomes less appealing as a reward as age sets in for both genders; sincere appreciation never goes out of style.] 


Indeed, when abused (and used intermittently), it is this quality that will have men literally killing – themselves or others – to gain mere scraps of it.


However, my intent here is not to be negative.


When used with humility, love and genuine concern for a man (and his life, in general) it is this quality that will fire his ambition and have him reaching the ► gates of Heaven ◄, itself.




I’ve known less than a handful of women that understand the True power of this gift of theirs.


I was reminded of one when, serendipitously, she contacted me as I was working this post out in my head.


During that conversation, she mentioned how she’d do dishes and clean the rental home the morning after parties three male college friends had, to which she was invited.


The men would fawn over her for those simple acts.


So much so that, later, one of their girlfriends noticed and said, with some vitriol, to her something very much like:


“All the guys want you.


Even my boyfriend.


It doesn’t make sense.”


To which she replied:


“I listen to men.


I enjoy listening to them.


It’s only right that I should give back for things they give me.


It’s not hard.


And if I wanted your boyfriend—


I’d take him.




Though perhaps immodest, she wasn’t arrogant.


Since she wasn’t wrong on a word of it.







“Staring at the shadows; blowing smoke rings at the moon…”

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2018 by A♠






Not long ago I wrote regarding what I perceived to be ► the common quality ◄ shared by those most successful with women.


Thus, I feel it prudent to take a moment to share what I perceive to be the common quality shared by those unsuccessful with women (and how to avoid it).


Admittedly, there are many contenders for this dubious title considering the nearly innumerable things women would like in a mate. 


But I do believe one among them has a particularly strong case for its claim.




Of the ever increasing number of men who’ve contacted me regarding recent break-ups, the primary shared complaint/comment, either explicitly stated or strongly implied (consciously or unconsciously) has been:


“She was my reason for everything.”


Permit to state loudly and clearly:


I said that very same line.


Twice, in fact.


However, twice was enough for me to recognize the problem.




Recall, ► women default to fear ◄ so they have evolved to lean heavily toward living vicariously.


Through men first, then children.


(Since it’s safe and – once the dopamine is wired to respond to such, as it has over thousands of years – rewarding, it’s also entirely ► pragmatic ◄.)


This is a significant factor in why so many men are absolutely befuddled and dumbstruck when they see so many women seek men that are – by “civilized” metrics – inferior.


What those befuddled men fail to understand is that – to women – men are the car of a roller-coaster.


The log in the flume ride (crass pun unintended).


Men, to women, are the means of experiencing the dangerous amusement park that is the world.


Take away (or replace) the necessity for a male to provide resources for his mate, then entertainment steps up and demands fulfillment.


Fail to provide that, and she’ll likely seek another ticket counter.




However, a conundrum arises.


How can one be “entertaining” without becoming an organ-grinder’s monkey to every charming female that crosses one’s path?


Like so much of what I offer, the answer is simple to state and difficult to enact.


► Rediscover your boyishness ◄ and live for yourself.




Yes, I realize it’s a drum I never stop beating.


It’s the pedal tone to the song that is this blog, in fact.


But it is such for a reason.


In this situation, it’s vital to understand that – while nature has seen fit to spare the female a great deal of danger – nature has also atrophied her ability to seek destiny without considerable external input.


(Again, pragmatism; why choose when someone will gladly do it for you? Thus absolving self of blame or responsibility.


Additionally, think about the societal shift toward slatternly behavior, careerism, et al; none of those things occurred without tremendous and constant media exhortation.)


Thus, seeking meaning and direction from women only serves to frustrate and upset them, in very short order.


And, critically, not in ways they find enticing.




In short, let women see how interesting/exciting/different the ride is.


Move the rope to allow them entry.


But always remember, with or without them—


The ride goes on.







“What an unexpected pleasure.”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2018 by A♠



A female reader asked:


“Please write a gender-relations breakdown of a TV show (or portion of one) you like.”


As caddersworld proved, ask and ye shall receive.




Admittedly, I no longer watch the HBO series ‘Game of Thrones’ for a few reasons but I did enjoy it for a time.


During that period, a female friend and I spoke weekly regarding it.


One of our conversations (I really should’ve recorded and shared them) contained my overwhelmingly powerful love of this scene:




So, ██████, your answer follows.




Here is what I believe important to note:


1} Although Lady Stark is of high (noble) birth, the very first man she addresses, she is careful to still call “sir”.


2} She is femininely passive yet she is not obsequious.


3} She does not act as a mother hen, pecking at the men around her nor does she nag them into aiding her.


4} She does not question any man’s honor. Instead, she reminds them of it.


5} Tyrion (the dwarf) is confused. As adept as he is at social manipulation, his physical appearance has caused a dearth in his knowledge of women and how they operate (on any level beyond prostitution). Therefore, he cannot predict what is about to happen.


6} She does not use her status. Instead, she uses the status of the men in her life.


7} She emphasizes her place a loyal daughter, wife and mother.


8} She admits, tacitly yet wordlessly, that she is powerless to bring this man to justice. However, she reminds the men around her that they are not powerless.


9} She gives a look of reproach at Tyrion when he subtly mocks the 90-year-old man marrying; calling attention to his slight of the addressed man’s liege; giving the man an even more personal reason to involve himself.


10} She clearly states that her son was almost killed. Her, and her husband’s, legitimate male heir was placed in dire jeopardy.




I told my female friend:


This is a harsh statement, but it is Truth—








Remember, you are only safe and secure as long there are men that are willing to fight and die to protect you.


Take away a man’s desire to defend you, and you are likely lost.




To me, this scene is the perfect demonstration of the use feminine power at its finest.


Knowledge of details, social ties, relationship-building, and admission of vulnerability are all strong aspects of femininity


Misperceived as weakness by those too myopic to see their mid to long-term strengths.




In fact, though make-believe, I get chills every time I watch it.


Because, regardless of the sex of the competitor:


I can appreciate a well-played game.








“I knew the words but I sang them wrong…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 20, 2018 by A♠






Chris Isaak croons softly as the thunder rumbles like far-off artillery or a nearby, angry god.


The cubes of ice rattling in my whiskey glass are old bones; the curling smoke is a parade of ghosts tying themselves in grieving knots.


I think of her fondly.




It’s funny, in a bittersweet way.


Nothing romantic has ever passed between us.


But plenty of intimacy.


Oh, that in spades—


If you’ll pardon the nod to self.




Two souls – older than they should be – aged prematurely by seeing the paws and claws of the beast most only glimpse on screens; acted out by beautiful people that are equally blissful in that particular ignorance.


Not lovers; barely friends, Truth be told, since we’ve never actually met. 


We agree men and women can’t really be friends.


Though we’re certainly friendly.


And intimate.


Definitely that.


Without ever even so much as shake hands.




Even over the raging storm, I can still hear her say:


“Just because biology draws associates together, doesn’t mean we have to give into it.”


She’s 100% right.


Besides, not to imply there’s a chance at anything more but—


I think I prefer what we have.




The thunder crashes again and the cat I’m watching for a few days jumps in my lap.


She claims some of my warmth while sharing some of hers.


Looking up at me, she blinks with deliberate slowness. 


I’m told it’s called a “cat kiss”.


I smirk as the lightning flashes and she closes them tight.




I take another drag, following it with a sip of Devil’s Cut.


Watching the rain run down the windowpanes in a hurry to meet the ground far below.


The red, parched, Oklahoma dirt drinks deep as the world turns us all—


Once more. 







“See the rat race in a new way, like you’re waking up to a new day…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 16, 2018 by A♠





Before I begin, understand that I have, for years, endeavored to show the strengths and weakness of humanity in an honest and (ultimately, I hope) positive fashion.


To read the following post as a hate filled screed is to miss the point entirely which, at the risk of giving away the conclusion, is that our disingenuousness regarding ourselves and our foibles is the most dangerous mistake we – as a species – can make.


In short, to “know thyself” is the path to elevation from our lowly state.


That being said, I’ll answer the request of reader caddersworld:


“I’m intrigued by this though; ‘(It’s why they don’t scale well in modern society but that’s another story.)’


Please could you take a few mins to expand on this (or perhaps point me to where you have written on it before)?”




My explanation in stages:


1} Pragmatism [noun]: a reasonable and logical way of doing things or of thinking about problems that is based on dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories.*


2} Women are ► logical ◄ – they merely have different priorities (and methods to meet them) than men.



3} As I’ve ► stated earlier ◄:


What men fail to grasp, as a whole, is women are the more pragmatic gender.


They’ve no use for rules, honor and other such “niceties”.


As they inhibit chances of survival for the individual.


* (They are “dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories”.)




Sure, those things work for the whole of civilization.


But why bother to build a city when you can do your hair, paint your nails, shave your legs and move into someone’s nice house?




That’s why not.



4A} Enter “modernity” – technological development, democracy and the welfare state.


B} Female priority: reproduce with the best available genetics; pragmatic solution: Machines do much of the work, so eliminate lower status men so as to not pollute the gene pool.


C} Female priority: go for the exception rather than the rule as that’s where possible advantageous biological mutations/changes will probably occur; pragmatic solution: import foreigners, date outlaws, forgo standard men


D} Female priority: acquire resources; pragmatic solution: vote for more public money.


E} Female priority: maximize mate options; pragmatic solution: sabotage other women, hobble lower status male survival efforts, forgo commitment as long as possible.


F} Female priority: feel safe and comforted; pragmatic solution: comfort eat constantly, forgo stressful mental/emotional/intellectual situations and activity.


G} Female priority: suffer at some level; pragmatic solution: harm self, sacrifice oneself publicly for both satisfaction and martyrdom.


H} Female priority: find the toughest mate; pragmatic solution: keep beating males (mentally/physically/emotionally) until one fights back powerfully enough to pass the test.




While it’s easy to criticize these courses of action as deleterious – to say the least – on a longer timeline to both individuals and civilization, as a whole, it’s equally easy to prove they work (from the pragmatic perspective).


Also recall that human needs exist in a hierarchy. 


In the event of a conflict, one will take precedence over the other (on the individual basis).




Women aren’t doing these things because they’re “evil”.


They’re doing these things because these courses of action work and because – over the course of thousands of years – women understand (at a subconscious level, at least) that the female timeline is shorter than the male for biological reasons, thus the speedier the better.


I say all of the above to neither condemn nor defend.


Merely to elucidate.


I trust I’ve succeeded. 







“Lock the front door, oh boy, got to sit down, take a rest on the porch…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 12, 2018 by A♠






Throughout the numerous posts in this blog, I’ve offered and/or advocated many courses of action.


From understanding the importance of being yourself, to exercising, to cleaning one’s environs and to embrace/overcome one’s fear.


All of these, however share an extremely important end goal.


One I believe to be the most important in a man’s life.




Fourteen years ago, I had $64,000 in the bank, a car, a motorcycle, a great apartment, a high paying job and more friends at my reach than most garner in a lifetime.


Six years later the wheel of fortune turned, leaving me with little more than the clothes on my back and enough troubles to require an abacus to count.


So many, in fact, I needed a friend to help me vacate my apartment


When my friend and I stopped by my family’s home to borrow my dad’s truck (which he grudgingly loaned me), my father told my friend:


“[A♠] had it all and he threw it away.”


My friend was stunned into silence, at the time, but remains angry at those words to this day.




He believed my father to be so wrong as to be insulting.


Looking back, I’m sad to say my friend is the one who is wrong.


Yet, as much as that saddens me to confess, there is some comfort.




I believe my father was something worse.


He was right, yes—


But for all the wrong reasons.




See, he didn’t think I fought my fate as hard as I could regarding my dismissal from government service or to keep my girlfriend from leaving.


That couldn’t be further from the Truth.


Regardless, his statement is still correct.


I did “throw it all away”.


However, that’s because I never fully appreciated or even realized that which I had, at the time or earlier.


I was far too busy focusing on what I was missing: steady relationships, job satisfaction, et al.


Instead, I gave into grief and decided to die (albeit slowly).




Sure, I’d lost a tremendous amount but – had I made better choices – I could’ve started a business rather than drink my money away.


I could’ve gotten into even better shape than let myself go.


I could’ve taken a more careful stock of what blessings remained rather than squander them.




Now, I was literally mentally ill (depression), so I’ve lessened the self-assault considerably.


But it’s True that a simple change of focus and framing – along with some positive accounting – may have brought about a much better outcome.


Which leads me to the revelation I implied was imminent earlier in this post.


That most important of end goals?






Chasing happiness usually turns interminable on the hedonic treadmill.


The hunt for material things just creates a bigger toy-box to fill.


And constant, promiscuous sex tends to kill any real chance at love.


Even the pursuit of physical perfection ends in eventual disappointment as age takes merciless hold.


(None of that should be read as condemnation of having ambition and taking good care of one’s health.)




As for self-respect, dignity, a good name and the ability to appreciate one’s state?


Those are paths I’ve yet to see lead me anywhere but wondrous.



“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” 

― John Milton, Paradise Lost