Archive for the Uncategorized Category

“But I already left you and you’re better off left behind…”

Posted in Uncategorized on September 20, 2018 by A♠

K♦

 

 

 

 

As long-time readers are no doubt aware, my main hobby (among many) is taking the world apart and seeing what makes it spin.

 

While watching a program about feline behavior (research to more thoroughly explain a previously mentioned theory of mine in a future post), the “fight or flight response” was mentioned.

 

It struck me, at that moment, just how often we humans fall prey to that particular instinct.

 

Yet, the frequency, alone, didn’t catch my attention.

 

But how readily we deny it or – almost as foolishly – fail to even notice it.

 

 

 

I’ll take a moment to place a seemingly tangential fact about myself here.

 

I received a bunch of magnetic words to place on the refrigerator from someone a few years back.

 

I selected a few and wrote:

 

we look

think

do!

 

Now, the question that likely arises at this point is:

 

What does all of the above have in common?

 

 

 

It’s crucial to understand one’s own motivations.

 

It’s imperative to recognize if one is moving toward a circumstance.

 

Or away from it (flight).

 

Are you drinking because you enjoy a post-work cocktail?

 

Or hiding in a bottle from the day’s events?

 

Are you chasing your ex because you Truly believe you need her?

 

Or are you afraid you’ll never find anyone else?

 

Are you building model airplanes because you enjoy the task?

 

Or are you ochlophobic and that’s a good way to stay home?

 

 

 

Of course, this isn’t to say every [plastic Fokker DR.I] Dreidecker, drink or dame is a manifestation of fear.

 

I’ve said many times a man should find his path and pursue it.

 

However, it’s vital to honestly assess:

 

If it’s a road onward.

 

Or a well-worn escape route.

 

 

K♦

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“I don’t wanna be saved, I don’t wanna be sober; I want you on my mind…”

Posted in Uncategorized on September 10, 2018 by A♠

Q♦

 

 

 

 

One of the biggest mistakes a man can make is commiserating with a recently separated woman (if the separation was undesirable to her – this qualification is crucial).

 

It’s a common error.

 

Lord knows I’ve made it more than a few times myself.

 

Understandable, of course, from a male perspective since – on the surface – it would appear to be a supportive act.

 

However, look again.

 

 

 

As we cast our gaze back to moments we made that particular error, recall a few things:

 

1} Women communicate via ▶ subtext ◀ far more than they ever do overtly.

 

2} To women, a ▶ sense of humor ◀ is not crafting and executing jokes; it’s a refusal to take life too seriously.

 

3} The ▶ nature of love ◀ from each sex differs significantly.

 

 

 

What needs to be understood is that the ongoing vilification of a (former) lover by the female in question is not an exhortation for the benefit of others.

 

It’s not an alarm.

 

It’s not warning.

 

It is a shedding of skin.

 

 

 

The purpose of the process is not actually to destroy him in the eyes of others.

 

(Not in this exact context, at least.)

 

It’s to disentangle her from the numerous, invisible – yet extraordinarily potent – threads that ▶ bind her to him ◀.

 

Cutting him is cutting the strands tying the two of them.

 

 

 

This is also why women never react well to men who join in on the attacks.

 

In fact, this is the reason women will often turn on those men who do.

 

It’s viewed – by the females in question – as a move to subvert the efforts to such a man’s [the commiserator’s]  benefit.

 

In short:

 

Instead of letting her free herself, he attempts to rebind her.

 

Specifically, to an unrequested and unwanted replacement.

 

 

 

Is the aforementioned vilification just?

 

That’s immaterial to this conversation.

 

She feels the need to break with him.

 

So she does as she must.

 

She always does.

 

And she always will.

 

 

 

Q♦

“Tillin’ my own grave to keep me level…”

Posted in Uncategorized on September 5, 2018 by A♠

J♦

 

 

 

 

Like a traffic-light installed at an intersection after a fatal, multi-car collision, the ‘sphere has – Truth be told – a lamentable and tragic origin.

 

Yet, even then, neither the ‘sphere nor the traffic-light has any real power to stop the speeding travelers from destroying themselves, or each other, in the rush to destinations.

 

(Light is no physical barrier, after all.)

 

Thus, both can only do good if those encountering either heed their measured suggestions.

 

But something has troubled me lately, regarding this fact.

 

 

 

If you’ve been in this section as long as I, you may be aware that the constant push for “self-improvement” has been the most vociferous call raised among the voices collected herein.

 

Now, that – in and of itself – is not what troubles me.

 

What troubles me about that call is, much like many other recommended courses of action, it gets misheard, misused and misunderstood.

 

Sometimes to the point of uselessness and, more rarely but still extant, deleteriousness.

 

I’ll explain.

 

 

 

See, I have frequently seen too many men get caught up in “how much they’ve improved” or perhaps how much they’ve failed to do so.

 

Sometimes posturing with success; sometimes expressing bitter defeat.

 

While I believe it’s a noble goal to improve oneself, I have spent years trying to get men to save themselves first.

 

In short:

 

Climb out of the hole before attempting to scale mountains.

 

 

 

Some may say that climbing out of the hole is self-improvement.

 

I politely disagree.

 

It’s no more self-improvement than a drowning man grasping at flotsam to keep his head above water.

 

Demanding he compare himself to Olympic swimmers, at that desperate moment, may only cause him to embrace the depths.

 

 

 

Therefore, I focus a man’s sight on building healthy, beneficial, relationships with women rather than concern myself with how attractive they are.

 

I advise him to cultivate a worthy circle of ▶ friends ◀ to buoy his spirits and resolve during tough times, rather than be a lone, Alpha wolf.

 

I direct him to get his finances in order and out of debt rather than achieve entrepreneurial success or income independence.

 

I push him to ▶ discover ◀ what he wants, what drives him, what brings him contentment.

 

Competition is excellent and, indeed, crucial in a man’s development.

 

But only when he is well enough to compete.

 

 

 

To be fair, maybe there are more men out there that really need very little.

 

Maybe they’ve the legs to simply leap out of their current situation and hit the ground running.

 

Maybe I’m one who is wrong in all of this.

 

But the ▶ suicide rate ◀ among my brethren speaks too loudly in admonition.

 

 

 

Every drained bottle on the floor.

 

Every used needle in the alley.

 

Every empty chamber in the revolver.

 

All of them crying out:

 

Comparing myself to others is how I got here.

 

And why I’m here no more.

 

 

J♦

“…crawl on hands and knees until you see you’re just like me…”

Posted in Uncategorized on August 29, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine I were to open a jar for you – unasked – when I saw you start to struggle with it.

 

Imagine I took the ratchet away from you – unrequested – and got things running after you had a tough time repairing your car.

 

Would you be grateful?

 

Or would you be mildly perturbed that I didn’t give you a chance to prove that you could do those things yourself?

 

Admittedly, the key words there are “unasked” and “unrequested” but they’re necessary qualifiers for this thought experiment.

 

Did you answer to yourself?

 

My guess is you’d be mildly perturbed.

 

If I’m correct, understand that’s how women feel when they confide in you regarding a current bout of ▶ suffering ◀ they’re enduring and you immediately rush to stem it.

 

 

 

Relatedly, men often push women away when those men are in need/down and out/feeling beat/et al.

 

This is similarly foolish and ▶ self-defeating ◀.

 

Women want agency (during moments such as those, at the very least).

 

So ▶ grant ◀ it to her.

 

 

 

It’s bitterly amusing how many men complain about not finding quality females yet unwittingly rebuff those that appear during dark times.

 

Anecdotal, I confess, but the vast majority of quality women entered my life when I was least worthy (according to, ahem, “conventional wisdom”) to have them.

 

I suspect I’m not alone in this.

 

 

 

Remember, a woman is built for ▶ resilience ◀.

 

So don’t deny her the opportunity to prove she’s got it—

 

In spades.

 

 

 

 

 

10♦

“Let down for no good reason, chose to walk the way I did…”

Posted in Uncategorized on August 20, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

This Friday marks my 46th birthday.

 

Frankly, it’s been a Hell of a ride.

 

Long-time readers know (most of) the story, so I don’t feel a need to repeat myself here.

 

However, I must admit a recent comment by ▶ wald ◀ had me nodding my head – silently and deliberately – given those experiences:

 

“The times in my life I’ve done the most damage to myself, or squandered time I could have used to prepare myself in the event opportunities arose (many came and went), I simply did a whole lot of nothing. Thought there was no point any more.”

 

 

 

At first, it saddened me.

 

I recalled all the things I lost; all I squandered.

 

Yet, I realized, after my life was reduced to whiskey and ashes, I still:

 

Wrote two blogs.

 

Authored two books.

 

A screenplay [it’s a Western, of course].

 

Produced an album.

 

And had more success with women in the decade that followed than the three that preceded it.

 

 

 

I then counted my blessings that this corner of the net brought more quality comrades than even a gregarious fellow such as myself could meet in twice the time.

 

Thanks to those men, I’ve lost 31 lbs since 11 JUN 2018 and have hit the gym 6 days a week for more than a year now.

 

Tomorrow, I’ll mow 1.5 acres of the land I share with friend using a push-mower and then sight two crossbows with a backyard target.

 

 

 

Now, I’m still broke.

 

Still need to lose even more weight.

 

Still need to finish at least two books and a collection of short, horror stories.

 

 

 

That’s the thing about it all.

 

When there’s plenty of daylight, we’re not so worried about the coming night.

 

We’ll dawdle and shuffle.

 

No rush.

 

Or, perhaps worse, keep running in circles; foolishly hoping well-worn ruts in the dirt will somehow shift to reveal the way out.

 

 

 

So it’s funny how loss can sharpen focus.

 

Give a stronger sense of determination.

 

Possibly even prompt him to accomplish more in the dwindling light than he did from dawn to that moment.

 

And help a man understand:

 

Although the sunset is closer than ever—

 

He’s still riding into it.

 

 

 

 

9♦

 

 

“…now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do…”

Posted in Uncategorized on August 16, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

Two years ago, the woman I was seeing had some female friends over my place for drinks and to watch ‘The Princess Bride’.

 

This collection of guests – ranging from 20 to 13 years younger than I (43 at the time) – played sort of a drinking game with it.

 

It had one rule and it was simple:

 

If you quote the film just prior to said quote’s delivery, you had to drink.

 

 

 

It being more of a “girls’ night”, I elected to work on my own projects instead of participating.

 

Although, I couldn’t resist stepping into the viewing area with my Devil’s Cut in hand to categorically state:

 

“Murdered by pirates is good.”

 

I mention all of this because a statement by commenter ▶ myopia ◀ gave me cause to share some observations I’ve made since that night.

 

 

 

Now, I’ll begin by saying the film is a good one.

 

In fact, it’s excellent (compared to what’s pumped out of the Hollywood cesspool, these days, at least.)

 

However, like so much else, it’s mainly been touted for the boy-girl romance (in fairness, that’s the main storyline) and the almost sanctified response:

 

“As you wish.”

 

 

 

Any blogger in our neck of the woods would now make this post about why it’s so terrible/beta/obsequious/uxorious et al.

 

As my regular readers no doubt expect:

 

I won’t be doing that.

 

Instead, I’ll be focusing men’s eyes on what they should be watching, rather than on what they shouldn’t.

 

 

 

Oddly enough, everything prior to the fight is arguably the best part of the film for men:

 

 

 

I’ll begin.

 

1} “I promise I will not kill you until you reach the top” = Notice both the welcoming of confrontation along with an inherent sense of fairness. Inigo clearly makes no vow to forgo killing the masked man; merely to give him a chance to defend himself. Inigo is confident in his abilities and is eager to test them.

 

2} “I swear on the soul of my father… you will reach the top alive.” = Again, no mercy or quarter is offered; merely fairness. Not only is fairness offered, the oath is kept. Also, Inigo has a task to perform and will perform it. But his way. He will fulfill his duty without being an automaton.

 

3} “You seem a decent fellow; I hate to kill you.” = This line and the cordial conversation preceding it demonstrate another admirable male trait: fulfillment of duty is not personal. Inigo does not look to paint the masked man as deserving of death nor does he find things to loath about the masked man to assuage his own conscience. Inigo – and the masked man – understand circumstances are as they are; in another time, another life, they may easily have been good friends.

 

4} Notice how both men compliment one another as the fight rages. Neither feels less of a man for recognizing the other’s skill. If anything, they realize it makes the confrontation that much more meaningful.

 

 

 

The culmination of Inigo’s subplot follows:

 

 

 

1} Notice the banality of evil. Cheating, underhanded tactics and – ultimately – cowardice.

 

2} “Offer me money… power, too, promise me that… offer me everything I ask for.” = Note carefully what’s actually being said here. Inigo realizes these things – in and of themselves – are largely meaningless without peace of mind. A man can attempt escape in such but ▶ they’ll never conceal him from his demons ◀.

 

3} Lastly, realize how anti-climactic it really is. The victory is relatively swift and – compared to other fights featured – lacking in challenge. This speaks volumes better left pondered than explained.

 

 

 

In closing, the film is an excellent love story.

 

Two of them, in fact.

 

[“I love my father so, naturally, I challenge his murderer to a dual.”]

 

I’m just choosing the one less examined.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8♦

“I can tell you’re trouble but I still want a taste…”

Posted in Uncategorized on August 8, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Female reader ► @PDGumshoe ◄ asks:

 

1} What’s the difference between how men and women value physical attractiveness?

 

2} How does that valuation expose people to being hurt? 

 

While the first question has, in some way, shape or form been answered many times by many different bloggers, I’ll answer it regardless.

 

I was asked directly, after all.

 

The difference between how men and women value physical attractiveness is a little more difficult to see, these days, as an increasing number of women struggle to be more mannish in their (witnessed) actions and behaviors.

 

However, like so many façades of modernity, it quickly falls away.

 

 

 

First, let’s mention how each sex generally defines “physical attractiveness” as embodied by their opposite.

 

“Physical attractiveness”, to men, is generally a certain waist to hip ratio, the presence of anatomic symmetry and other fertility/health cues such as clear skin and long, healthy hair.

 

“Physical attractiveness”, to women, is generally indications of strength and durability, i.e. solid musculature, height (for intimidation/dominance purposes) and facial hair to primaly indicate sexual maturity; anatomic symmetry is also important, although still somewhat aesthetic in value.

 

That’s sufficient for our purposes.

 

Now, lets answer the first question posed.

 

 

 

Men, on the whole, primarily value physical attractiveness since it is comprised of – as stated – strong indicators of a specific female’s fertility.

 

This is foremost because, historically, men have both defended and provided for themselves.

 

Thus, by process of elimination, successfully creating progeny is the only Truly basic drive they can’t complete on their own.

 

Therefore, physical attractiveness holds the importance it does.

 

 

 

As for females, now that the state (in modern, Western nations) has defended and provided for women, physical attractiveness – as an aesthetic – has moved up the importance ladder.

 

However, this is temporary (at best) and easily knocked off its rung.

 

In fact, it’s more of an indulgence by high-status, comfortable women than any actual trend within the sex, itself.

 

Rank and file women still default to defender/provider cues, on the whole, since – apart from the flicker of a candle’s flame the wealth and abundance of modernity is in human history – they have been crucial in female survival.

 

As a de facto and/or practical difference:

 

A male’s physical attractiveness is little more than a door to his opportunity.

 

A female’s physical attractiveness is her opportunity. 

 

Onto the second question:

 

“How does that valuation expose people to being hurt?”

 

 

 

This question is – by far – the better of the two and I’m compelled to say it’s one I’ve honestly never seen asked.

 

It’s honestly a bittersweet joy to answer.

 

As for female exposure to harm due to the valuation:

 

It certainly increases her odds of entering a tangled relationship with a narcissist or a man with serious rage issues.

 

But, even then, it’s still largely innocuous as an actual, physical danger.

 

[Anecdotally, I’m a very physically imposing man yet I’ve never once struck a woman beyond her bedroom requests.]

 

Its danger, however, lies more in emotional and temporal damage.

 

A woman may endure more infidelity and waste more time with him than she otherwise would.

 

 

 

Men, on the other hand, suffer immensely from this valuation.

 

It opens more doors to horror than I could possibly type here.

 

(See the title of this post, as it – like all my titles/posts – was carefully chosen.)

 

The more attractive the woman, the more bad behavior a man will tolerate.

 

As an aside, this is also why women believe men like “bitches”.

 

We don’t.

 

We like smoking-hot women.

 

We just put up with their shit more readily (and foolishly), it pains me to say.

 

I could continue describing the pits of suffering into which men would willing jump, but Leo Tolstoy put it best, in his work The Kreutzer Sonata:

 

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”

 

To which I add:

 

…and how eternal it remains.

 

 

 

 

 

7♦