Archive for the Uncategorized Category

“He’s dancing on the breadline…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Regular commenter JD writes:

 

“There is no upper limit to the price we will be expected to pay. Women and society don’t even regard this as a transaction. They tell us what they expect from us and wait to receive it…

 

We have nothing to prove to Women or Society. They’ve been strip-mining us for decades.”

 

While I believe the comment is worthwhile in its entirety, the final line leapt out at me.

 

 

 

Every day, as I move through the world, I see countless folks lost in themselves or some petty dopamine-pumping distraction.

 

Faces glued to phones; each a Narcissus gazing longingly at the luminescent pool of self-congratulation.

 

News outlets and pundits choosing the target of the day for insufficient zealotry or failing to meet some exponentially increasing level of standards they themselves couldn’t reach with a guidebook and a ladder.

 

Each cutting the other down to appear that much taller.

 

It’s a sorry state of affairs, to say the least.

 

Yet, there is a two-pronged, silver lining to this ebony storm-front, should one choose to look carefully.

 

 

 

First, so many demands are placed on men today, they’ve ended up with none (save those they choose to apply to themselves).

 

Think of them as a soldier constantly being given contrary orders.

 

Sure, he can’t win.

 

But neither can he actually lose.

 

Since, either way, he’s following – and failing to follow – instructions. 

 

Causing his commanders no end of frustration as each of them attempts to use him for their purposes.

 

All the while, giving our exemplary soldier less and less reason to re-enlist.

 

And giving him more and more reason to dissuade potential recruits.

 

 

 

Second, having been pushed to so low a status, he becomes (at the individual level, at least) invisible.

 

Resulting in no one really caring about a man’s failures or successes (after perhaps an extremely abbreviated initial moment at discovery).

 

Sure, they may mock or congratulate him for a brief time, but the dopamine junkie will need to move on quickly to keep chasing that particular dragon.

 

Addicted to news feeds and Facebook games; Netflix and internet spats.

 

Not to mention the detractor’s own concern with “winning the rat race”.

 

In fact, one needn’t have the willpower to forgo concern for what others think of him.

 

It’s painfully evident they rarely spare him a thought.

 

 

 

Now, none of this is to say a man shouldn’t have his own standards.

 

Goals.

 

Ambitions.

 

He certainly should.

 

But don’t worry about failing to measure up, now and then.

 

Since most of those that judge you are standing on someone else’s shoulders.

 

 

 

 

 

6♥

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“No way to prepare; impending despair…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Were I compelled to choose the one quality possessed by the preponderance of men I’ve known that were good with women, it wouldn’t take me long to do so.

 

Of the myriad qualities they may share, there’s a sole contender that jumps out at me.

 

That singular trait:

 

Loss

 

Without exception, they had a tremendous heartbreak at some point.

 

Something downright earth-shattering.

 

Usually a vicious betrayal.

 

Although, rarely, a very difficult upbringing may act as a substitute.

 

 

 

The unsuccessful, however, generally share the opposite quality:

 

Ease.

 

This is not to say their lives were without troubles, rather to say they’d been sheltered or generally spared certain harsh realities.

 

(Or discounted such as flukes, when encountered, which is why so many otherwise clever, young men hobble themselves.)

 

 

 

Now, I’m sure my comments could be filled with exceptions on both fronts.

 

But I’d wager they’d still be insufficient to counter the lesson.

 

 

 

See, the loss (while miserable, in and of itself) is the crumbling of a stone blocking the larger path.

 

(That larger path being a wider breadth of success.)

 

It shatters pedestals and illusions of perfection, alike.

 

Leaving a man to deal with what is, rather than what is imagined.

 

Whereas as ease, well—

 

Tilting at windmills gives no useful experience at besting dragons.

 

 

 “He who learns must suffer, and, even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”

 

– Aeschylus

 

 

 

 

 

5♥

“And no one ever wanna know, love ain’t funny; a crime in the wink of an eye…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 21, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

A famous quotation from the film “As Good As It Gets” has made the social rounds from its appearance to today:

 

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?

 

Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.

 

Admittedly, that elicits a knowing chuckle from us and our brethren.

 

And isn’t entirely inaccurate.

 

Yet it does, I’d argue, contain a hidden danger. 

 

 

 

As usual, I’m going counter to conventional (perhaps even ‘sphere) wisdom and say that the danger isn’t that it may offend or upset women.

 

Nor that it may make men look bad for agreeing or failing to agree with it enough.

 

The danger is, in my estimation, that it makes the path of the man who believes it utterly much more treacherous.

 

 

 

Reason is defined as “the capacity for logical, rational, and analytic thought”.

 

Thus, given surface appearances, far too many men fall prey to the trap that women are purely creatures of whim and emotion.

 

And that’s a Hell of a trap.

 

 

 

Realize, logic is simply a process; a “system of reasoning”.

 

And “analytic thought”, for most, really doesn’t amount to anything greater than “cost/benefit analysis”.

 

Thus, just because your decisions don’t make sense to me doesn’t automatically make them illogical.

 

Your needs, goals, and desires differ from mine.

 

Women more so.

 

Simply because they have so many needs/demands, if nothing else.

 

Trust me in this.

 

(If you choose not to trust me, just observe a woman for a while on Facebook or at work and see.)

 

 

 

Also, understand a being needn’t understand logic to employ it.

 

Insects, animals and children use it every moment of the day. 

 

As they’re driven by simple needs, a complex system is unnecessary.

 

“I’m hungry; I’ll eat.”

 

That’s logic.

 

Therein lies the danger.

 

Should a man fail to acknowledge (consciously or unconsciously) the myriad motives a particular female possesses, he’s in for a surprise. 

 

Possibly many.

 

 

 

 

Recall, women are the infinitely more pragmatic sex.

 

(It’s why they don’t scale well in modern society but that’s another story.)

 

There is always a logic.

 

There is always analysis.

 

Ask a woman how much of her day is eaten up by considerations and reconsiderations of actions.

 

(That’s the line that makes my female readers nod assiduously, today.)

 

Inquire as to how many conversations she has weekly seeking guidance, approval or both.

 

For example:

 

Why do so many modern, Western women chase “tingles” (men that sexually arouse them) more than other qualities?

 

Logical answer: That’s the most common unfulfilled (pun unintended) need they have in modern, Western societies.

 

The other things men have historically provided for women are now frequently supplied by government (security, sustenance, et al).

 

It only seems illogical to men because the government hasn’t provided things historically supplied by women for their particular needs.

 

(This is also why women ► frequently damage themselves ◄.)

 

 

 

Also, remember that if a woman breaks up with a man, it was overwhelmingly likely in the works for months – if not years – prior to the event.

 

That’s not a whim, my friend, despite appearances at its moment.

 

That’s analysis.

 

As for what constitutes female logic—

 

Go through this blog and look.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4♥

“Seems like the less I get, the more I have to pay…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

This past weekend found me attending the wedding of a friend in the area.

 

Needless to say, I was honored to be invited and witness the important, joyous occasion.

 

Sadly, I discovered I’m still too fat for my formal clothes (though working on changing that even harder now) and I’m a shamefully lapsed Roman Catholic.

 

But those aren’t the topic of today’s missive.

 

 

 

As I sat listening to the priest’s sermon, I contemplated a word he used with ample frequency.

 

That word?

 

“Sacrifice.”

 

It struck me just how poorly so many (lamentably, this otherwise commendable priest, included) employ it.

 

 

 

See, what it seems to mean – to far too many – is:

 

Loss.

 

But we have a word for that meaning. 

 

[It’s “loss”, by the way.]

 

Sacrifice should mean, more than any other definition it may technically possess:

 

“The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim.”

 

 

 Men are all too often called to “sacrifice” when really what they are being asked [read: ordered] to do is to lose something.

 

Their money.

 

Their time.

 

And, terribly, their very lives.

 

 

 

Now, to read this as saying men should not surrender specific treasured things at certain appropriate times, whether it be in love or war, would be to selfishly misunderstand me.

 

What I am saying, in the interest of clarity, is that – at such instances – something should be gained that is of even greater value in the eyes of the one sacrificing.

 

Anything else is punishment (at best) and theft (at worst).

 

 

 

In short (and to combine it with previous words of mine):

 

Bend the knee judiciously and be certain your sacrifice leads to a greater prize of your estimation.

 

 

 

 

 

3♥

“It’s dark as Hell, and hard to find…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 5, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

The drum I beat loudest, hardest and longest here is for men to learn who they are, embrace it and develop it.

 

But one thing that often becomes a stumbling block is where to begin.

 

Sure, there are myriad articles out there giving solid advice.

 

Start eating well.

 

Begin an exercise routine.

 

Or, the now popular “clean your room”.

 

Admittedly, all of those are excellent suggestions.

 

And I’ve no complaint about any of them.

 

However, I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t offer an alternative.

 

 

 

See, I’m of the mind that – should one find oneself lost and alone in the midst of a dark wood…

 

The first thing that should be done is to retrace one’s steps.

 

How far back?

 

As far as necessary.

 

 

 

No doubt, retreading these tangled thickets and gnarled copses of painful memory and traumatizing experience will induce flashbacks of all too familiar terror.

 

Which is, very likely, why so few self-reflect; choosing instead to simply (stubbornly) press onward.

 

While persistence and perseverance can certainly be admirable qualities, the culmination of such must be a worthwhile achievement.

 

Consider: that method (blithely pressing onward) is quite possibly the reason one crashed through bramble after bramble until firmly centered in the frightening, strange landscape currently occupied.

 

 

 

So, I say stop.

 

Look back.

 

To years or decade past, as needed.

 

Adolescence or boyhood.

 

Where did you lose yourself?

 

Seek and you’ll find.

 

Then walk again.

 

But this time with careful determination.

 

 

 “In a dark wood

 

where the straight road had been lost sight of.

 

How hard it is to say what it was like

 

in the thick of thickets, in a wood so dense

 

and gnarled

 

the very thought of it renews my panic.”

 

– Dante’s Inferno Canto I, Translated by Seamus Heaney

 

 

 

 

 

 

2♥ 

“Behind the curtain, in the pantomime”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 28, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

One of the most touching things a young man seeking my advice has ever said was:

 

“I have some questions on how to deal with women and breakups. 

 

But if you don’t want to answer, I completely understand, since reliving some of yours must be soul-wrenching.”

 

It meant a great deal to me to hear that.

 

In fact, more than most would guess.

 

 

 

Although my writing may often sound clinical and calculated, its origins are quite the opposite.

 

See, the things I post are not cribbed from other sites/men.

 

The lessons I impart aren’t from some divinely inspired teacher’s guide.

 

The theories I present don’t emerge from a sterile, academic environment.

 

I leaned from living. 

 

Good or bad; right or wrong.

 

 

 

For all my flaws, I’ve lived on the front lines of life and engaged with it in all its infinite gore and glory.

 

So, whether you find yourself nodding in agreement or shaking your head in disgust as you read my work:

 

Know that it’s all very real.

 

 

 

On that note, understand that – not only is it tremendous effort to put oneself out there honestly – there’s also little money in it.

 

Thus, if you could see your way clear to buying a copy of my ► first ◄ or ► second  ◄ book, or perhaps donate via PayPal via my email [whiskeyandashes (at) gmail (dot) com], I’d be exceptionally grateful.

 

And understand the closest thing your money will get me to the “high life” will be a bottle of whiskey to have by me as I write more for you.

 

That being said:

 

One suit down; three to go.

 

Thanks for taking the ride with me.

 

 

 

 

 

A♣

“I just don’t understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 19, 2018 by A♠

 

 

 

 

 

Throughout the course of my life, I’ve been called “bitter” and “cynical”.

 

Much of my online oeuvre has led me to be considered “too dark” for more than a few readers.

 

So imagine my shock and surprise when a comment I received read:

 

“MGTOW is the actual chimera recognition of their evil existence on this earth and the freedom to escape the false dream promised and betrayed. Cheers from reality and how it truly is.”

 

 I confess, deluded is something I’ve never been accused of being.

 

Just goes to show that there’s a first time for everything.

 

But this does prompt an important post.

 

 

 

See, I’ve worked hard to avoid discounting any man’s experience.

 

Whether my reality is yours, or vice versa, is irrelevant.

 

As I wrote in ► my first book ◄:

 

Experience is a despot.

 

Meaning:

 

The events of our lives mold and control us almost utterly.

 

Regardless whether we admit – or realize – it.

 

Men date women much like their mothers.

 

Women date men much like their fathers (especially if they didn’t really have one but that’s for another day).

 

 We all recreate our childhood paradigms in adulthood.

 

Yet, our’s is not an unalterable course.

 

 

 

So what I do try to demonstrate is that a change of thought (and subsequent action) can – and often will  – change our experiences.

 

Thus altering our reality.

 

My road into and through Hell taught me just how powerful breaking patterns of behavior and – more importantly thought – is in making life more bearable (if not enjoyable).

 

In fact, dating not one but two Borderline Personality Disordered gals led me to the quick admission that I was the common thread in my horrific fate.

 

And the fact that particular thread needed cutting.

 

After that, I’ve dated plenty of girls that didn’t cheat, steal or mistreat me.

 

Because I knew what traps to avoid.

 

 

 

That being mentioned, I’ve never once said men, women or life itself were perfect.

 

Quite the opposite, if you look through this blog at even a cursory level. 

 

What I have said, at many times and in many ways, is:

 

While experience may be a despot, you are the rightful monarch of your [earthly] existence. 

 

You have the power to make it all worthwhile.

 

And, honestly—

 

That’s almost as good.

 

 

 

 

 

K♣