“You thought you made a man, you better think again…”

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[Since tone and body language are absent via this medium:

 

The following post is a playful jab at @LuckyLothario.

 

Although the advice contained herein is both sincere and serious, I attempt to convey it in a humorous manner.]

 

 

 

One thing I hear with increasing frequency in the ‘sphere is:

 

“I only read blogs with actionable advice”.

 

Well, what is that, exactly?

 

Step by step instructions?

 

1. Bathe.

 

2. Talk to girls.

 

3. Don’t shit your pants if they respond.

 

(Actually, don’t shit your pants, regardless of outcome)

 

et al

 

 

 

Labeled pictures?

 

[EAR = NOT A PLACE FOR PENIS

 

NOSE = NOT A PLACE FOR PENIS

 

VAGINA = PENIS GOES HERE!!!!1111!!!!

 

genital_happy_hour.jpg]

 

 

 

I started this blog for three reasons.

 

1} So, in the future, I could honestly count myself among men that tried to help wake others to the reality of the world that has so assiduously been concealed from them by everyone from media to teachers to parents and preachers.

 

2} Because a metric shit-ton of half-wits with a keyboard and a working Internet connection felt the burning desire to “share the wisdom” they utilized to one time fumble gracelessly in the back of a used Hyundai with a 6. And then sell ebooks. Thus, one more wouldn’t hurt.

 

3} Most of all, the ability to say “I told you so!” to people who didn’t listen the first 2,847 times I said something.

 

 

 

Of course, being the man I am, I felt it better to discuss the larger, broader and deeper issues that confront men of all ages in a style that prompted thought and careful consideration.

 

Rather than write in such a fashion as to explain dealing with women in a manner akin to kanji-scripted 1987 stereo assembly instructions.

 

Fool I was!

 

 

 

That being said, here is some solid, actionable advice.

 

(Although, saying my previous work is not “actionable” is like saying  Taoism, Christianity and Stoicism aren’t “actionable” but, hey, there’s no pussy in any of those.)

 

Some of which is new, some is old but all of it easily implemented:

 

1} Buy a good pair of scissors and keep them in your kitchen. Stop tearing open bags and spilling shit like a baboon. Use tools; they improve life.

 

 

2} Keep a cheap, ugly pair of sunglasses in your car. You won’t want to wear them anywhere but you’ll always have safe driving conditions come unexpected glare. Happens way more than you’d think.

 

 

3} Keep baby wipes in your car. Great for cleaning yourself up after emergency repair, greasy drive-thru meals and sloppy “road head” blow-jobs.

 

 

4} Only date women that love cats. Watch how they treat them. That’s you in three months.

 

 

5} Throw a towel over your headboard. Keeps her from cracking her skull when you get carried away. Plus, things often get messy if you do it right.

 

 

6} Don’t “troll” online. Do it in person in real life. Reactions are infinitely more satisfying that way. Plus, if you reach my level, no one will know when the fuck you’re joking or when you’re serious. (Pro tip = I’m at my most serious when I’m joking.)

 

 

7} Get married before you’re 40. After that, you either lose your drive or women lose their charm. Sometimes both.

 

 

8} Find a girl hot enough that you can maintain an erection with her. Anything more than that is focusing on the wrong attributes. You have to talk with her before and after sex so a personality that doesn’t make you want to jam her in a steamer trunk and mail her to Jakarta (unless you’re already in Jakarta) is vastly important.

 

 

9} If you’re not 100% certain kids/wife are what you want, then don’t get married; buy a dog. When the dog dies, buy a cat. You’ll like them by then, trust me.

 

 

10} Understand that constantly seeking “actionable advice” is literally asking someone else to map out your path in life. So do it sparingly. It’s an adventure; don’t leave the fun parts to everyone else.

 

 

 

Pax.

 

 

 

 

 

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