“And you break your crown… you point your finger, but there’s no one around”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 24, 2019 by A♠

K♣

 

 


“I can’t believe I did that!”, she says, shocked by her own actions.

 

I smirk.

 

She continues.

 

“You snapped your fingers and, with the same hand, thumbed toward the door and I just… just jumped up and started heading that way.

 

I’ve never done that with any man.”

 

I chuckle as we leave the Goth club, and keep walking toward the car.

 

 

 

A year or so later, another woman puts on a leash, hands it to me, and has me lead her out of the same place.

 

As we exit, I hear some young guy behind me say:

 

“Damn, I wish I were him!”

 

I shake my head and echo the chuckle from 365+ days prior.

 

 

 

Having spent 11 years in and out of the BDSM scene and spending even more studying human behavior, I’m unsurprised.

 

So many men think it’s about money and looks.

 

Plenty of other men think it’s about barking orders, bullying, or intimidation.

 

And a few – the worst of them – think it’s about isolation, condescension and abuse.

 

“Treat women like shit and they’ll beg for more.”

 

To which I say to all of them:

 

Not really.

 

 

 

Sure, one can play to the old tapes running in a particular woman’s head.

 

As I wrote in my first book:

 

A familiar bed of nails will always be chosen over a strange feather mattress.

 

But that’ll be a Pyrrhic victory, at best.

 

Since that power comes with all the negativity that produced it.

 

Yes, she’ll submit.

 

But she’ll be miserable, conflicted and antsy.

 

Exactly as she was when that particular tape was recorded.

 

 

 

I’ve heard of countless men that want to be dominant, in and out of the BDSM scene, pushing women around.

 

Thinking that’s what one or both want.

 

But it’s not.

 

Not quite.

 

See, I learned the best way to get service is to demonstrate the authority to warrant such.

 

To compel submission.

 

Not to force it.

 

Simply put:

 

To raise oneself; not to stomp down another.

 

To provide an ideal to be reached or fostered; not a draconian code.

 

To be a fire that gives light and warmth; not a razing conflagration.

 

 

 

What I’ve said before (that damn few will publicly support) is:

 

Everyone yearns to serve.

 

Women, most of all, but even the most “alpha” man does, too.

 

He serves his mission, whatever it may be.

 

But serve, he does.

 

Thus, I provide folks something to serve.

 

A common goal, in the case of fellow men.

 

A stable and secure emotional foundation, in the case of women.

 

Rarely am I without company.

 

And by rarely, I mean:

 

Never.

 

 

 

The flip side to all of this is:

 

Tyrants get exactly what they enslave.

 

Which becomes bitter fruit; a feast of ashes.

 

Service by unenthusiastic servants.

 

Dissatisfied minions always seeking either an exit to plunge through toward freedom or a dagger to plunge into their master, themselves or both.

 

So these despots keep pressing boots upon necks.

 

Flogging until morale improves.

 

And wonder why the cycle becomes nothing but a downward spiral.

 

A prisoner in the palace as much as those placed in the dungeons below it.

 

 

 

The key out of such was mentioned in the beginning of this post:

 

Live in such a way that she puts on the leash herself and hands it to you.

 

Any other method leaves you both miserably fettered.

 

As the Kemetic proverb states:

 

“The tyrant is only the slave turned inside out.”

 

 

K♣

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“…I guess that she thought that someone was me”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 17, 2019 by A♠

Q♣

 

 

 

 

A recent email I received reads:

My husband led me to your blog… your writing is exquisite and extremely insightful.

I can totally relate to your understanding that men are medicine for women! And it drives me to ask you this question: what’s a female to do when the first medicine she needed was not given to her correctly (lack of fatherly direction and approval), and now she struggles mightily trying to figure out how to get, and take, her medicine properly? How does one repair that damage? Does time ever heal it, like it sometimes does when we’ve been incorrectly dosed by a doctor and we stop that prescription, or is extra intervention always needed? Or maybe… there is no cure?

With sincere appreciation for your insight,
Gwendolyn

 
[To which I reply herein].

 

Gwendolyn,

 

Years ago, a flirtatious, young lady asked me:

 

“What do you look for in a woman?”

 

To which I quickly responded:

 

Daddy issues, if my track record is any indication.

 

I share that piece of my past, not to be flippant but to confess that – while have no daughter, nor sister, nor any actual psychological training – I’ve plenty of experience dealing with women that you tacitly describe.

 

So I ask you to take my words seriously yet with more than a few grains of salt.

 

 

 

First, a female is in a tough position to find a substitute as biology makes such a thing extremely difficult.

 

The preponderance of men will want something quite unfamilial, thus muddying the waters that were intended to wash away the trauma.

 

This is no-one’s fault (which worsens matters), it is simply fact.

 

Still, attempts should be cautiously and carefully made with much older men and, ideally, of some relation (a grandparent, great uncle, et al).

 

Even then, there’s no guarantee of success but it’s at least possible.

 

 

 

Second, time won’t heal it.

 

Not really.

 

This is a cut too deep to mend without stitches.

 

Worse still, seeking male approval in all the wrong places (sexual encounters) only aggravates the wound and draws ever more blood.

 

If a substitute can’t be found, at least watch other females in healthy, non-sexual/romantic relationships with men with a studying eye.

 

Take copious mental notes of the interactions and learn vicariously.

 

Fortunately, women can live and learn vicariously quite well due to biological factors (mostly due to child-bearing but we can discuss this another time, perhaps).

 

 

 

Third, a woman such as that should read-up on the importance of birth order on a person’s (a man’s, in this context) development.

 

It’s extremely likely the healthiest relationships she’ll find will be with men born first amongst siblings.

 

As those men will be far more paternal in their behavior than the others, generally speaking.

 

Thus fulfilling – in a way – two needed roles.

 

 

 

Lastly, I’ll try to cover an important point without devolving into crassness.

 

A woman such as the one you describe should beware.

 

Abusive relationships, faulty D/s dynamics [BDSM kink] and such will all have an almost hypnotic allure to her, as they’ll provide the discipline and structure she’s craved her whole life.

 

This is not to say she should avoid D/s dynamics or strong men necessarily, but she should definitely follow the points I delineated above to tread the path safely.

 

 

 

That’s the best I can offer; I sincerely hope it’s sufficient.

 

And thanks for the compliment.

 

It means more than you’d guess.

 

Warmest regards,

 

Charles Spadille

 

Q♣

“…’til the sun and the whiskey went down.”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 12, 2019 by A♠

J♣

 

 


It’s funny watching the changes that have swept through the ‘sphere over the past decade.

 

It’s almost unrecognizable when seen side by side with its origins.

 

Then, it was men trying to score notches on their bedposts, get a long-term girlfriend or just get more women to show more interest in them.

 

Now it seems to be comprised of an increasing number of crusaders of various cuts for myriad causes.

 

 

 

Truth be told, I’ve no grievance with that significant alteration.

 

Lord knows the world needs men to fight the rot.

 

However, something about it all has irritated me like a burr in the saddle-blanket.

 

Sure, causes need soldiers to champion them.

 

 

 

But I wonder how many of these guys fight the day to day battles that come with no glory but heaps of heartache.

 

How many of these militant would-be-world-changers forgo tipping the waitress who gave awful service?

 

Or silence people that are causing a disturbance in the library or movie theater?

 

Or chastise a contractor that failed to do the job for which he was payed or did it to sub-standard quality?

 

 

 

Realize, letting those things slide isn’t “being nice”.

 

It’s setting the next person up for trouble.

 

(Since those scoundrels got away with it, why would they change?)

 

It’s punishing the folks that perform the tasks mentioned well.

 

(They behaved or worked hard yet got no reward for doing so.)

 

It’s hiding cowardice behind kindness.

 

 

 

Understand, “turn the other cheek” and “judge not lest ye be judged” aren’t about being nice.

 

They’re about forgoing pettiness and avoiding hypocrisy, respectively.

 

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

 

 

Maybe that’s why I’ll take a good, old Western any day over the modern “save the universe” film fare that the masses gobble up by the bushel.

 

Gluttonously devoured since it’s easy to ignore the daily evil that surrounds us if we focus on the largest, most unachievable good we can see.

 

Yet, I’m of the mind that, if every town ran the sons of bitches causing trouble out:

 

The world wouldn’t need saving.

J♣

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I cast my spell of love on you – a woman from a child…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 5, 2019 by A♠

10♣

 

 

 

Over the years (especially at the end of my personal blog elsewhere and the beginning of this one), I’ve mentioned in the comment sections that – in the folly of my youth – I dabbled in Satanism and the practice of magick.

 

I quickly abandoned the former and, with much difficulty, ceased the the latter.

 

(Although, being the honest man I am, the temptation to return to the latter is a constant siren-song.)

 

While both were foolish, I have no regrets doing them as I learned a tremendous amount about many forces of the universe that push and pull us off, on and along the path towards our destinies – both collective and personal.

 

Truths which are as threads through the tapestry of existence.

 

Small, in their own right, yet crucial to the whole of the pattern.

 

 

 

One such Truth is the power of “a year and a day”.

 

It appears in stories and legends regarding the world of the Fae, questing knights, certain Pagan and occult practices and a number of early European traditions.

 

Two examples of those traditions:

 

If a serf had fled – and remained absent – from his lord’s holdings for a year and a day, he was considered a free man.

 

A couple who lived together as husband and wife in Scotland for a year and a day were accorded all the privileges of marriage, whether or not they were wed formally.

 

 

 

But what has any of this to do with us here, at this digital, back-alley tavern?

 

Well, very simply, I’d tell my daughter two things:

 

1} Keep your legs closed. Give a man you love everything but sex. Show your value in 1,000 other ways. If he fails to appreciate those (the greater, more lasting gifts, frankly), then he’s unworthy.

 

2} Grant the relationship a year and day. If he hasn’t proposed by then, politely and gracefully leave him. If he doesn’t know he wants you by then, he’ll only drag you along a very rough road.

 

 

 

Now, in fairness, I’d say something similar to the second point to my son:

 

If you’re not driven by your feelings for her to propose in a year and a day, you will never be.

 

Leave her like a gentleman and seek another.

 

 

 

Some in this smoky, liquor-fueled den may disagree.

 

That’s fine, certainly.

 

But, like the thread of Truth it is:

 

It winds through far more than just my experiences.

 

 

10♣

 

 

 

 

 

“I don’t know what I’m on… now, baby, it’s all gone…”

Posted in Uncategorized on February 25, 2019 by A♠

9♣

 

 

 

 

In response to my previous post, long time reader and valued GenX compatriot JD wrote:

A♠,

To women, some kinds of men (or more directly, some kinds of experiences) are also ‘recreational drugs’, and the current relationship arc is to use them as such and everybody else is basically ‘methadone’ for when it’s time to get off them.

The fabled ‘Carousel’ is a drug spree in a biological sense. When you’ve seen the dead look in the eyes of your former ‘girl next door’ Muse, or an ex-girlfriend … or horror of horrors, a daughter … it’s little different than the numbness in any addict’s eyes.

And methadone isn’t a cure. There is no cure. She can fall off the wagon at any time.

Traditional marriage was like the gold standard – even the lowest peasant received his wages in the money of kings. His reward was paid up front – he got a woman in her prime. The entire society was structured so this fool could be in love, and make all the sacrifices fools in love make, and actually win from it. He had a future to aspire to and a woman who bonded to him and helped him get there.

But we all know how that ended up. That future is canceled for most men before they’re even fully developed. No wonder they ‘power down’ these days … or go the other way and pile up money and status as high as possible. The only ways men have freedom anymore is either have literally nothing to lose or enough to speak freely without losing everything.

As for women as a drug, well … to torture Donne, no man is an island because every man has a peninsula lol. The drugs are laced and the candy has random razor blades in it but they’re a habit we aren’t designed to kick. Most of the misery in mens’ lives is that we are forced to be stronger than we ever aspired to be. One way or another there’s a dragon and it refuses to slay itself.

As Jordan Peterson said, we only get to choose which poison we drink. – JD

 

 

While the comment is excellent in its totality (unsurprising, considering JD’s oeuvre) I strongly (though respectfully, no doubt) disagree with this particular passage:

 

“To women, some kinds of men (or more directly, some kinds of experiences) are also ‘recreational drugs’…”

 

and his exemplification of it with the [Cock] Carousel.

 

 

 

I confess the cause of this may be my poor word choices of “To women…” and “To men…” when it should’ve been “For women…” and “For men…” in the original post, as what the individual man or woman believes is utterly irrelevant.

 

What biology compels (hence “for”) is the paramount drive.

 

Additionally, my quibble may seem pedantic.

 

However, I believe it to be a small yet crucial distinction.

 

I assert:

 

Men are never ‘recreational drugs’ for women.

 

Instead, they are abused or misused prescription drugs for specific, biological conditions.

 

In brief:

 

They [men] are prescribed drugs used recreationally.

 

Like reaching in grandma’s pill-organizer or her sister’s purse and snatching a handful of pharmaceuticals for chemical entertainment, a woman takes a facilitator of female wellness and – by foolhardy misuse – makes it anything but such.

 

 

 

Now, the spirit of what JD wrote coincides with my hypothesis, certainly.

 

Still, I felt it necessary to clarify, as those things he mentioned are – to my mind – proofs of my suspicions, rather than evidence to the contrary.

 

‘Sphere legend Deti explains my meaning flawlessly in a comment on the same post:

This is a great analogy. And apt.

Women need to take medicines. Or, at the very least, it’s a very, very good idea that they take properly prescribed medicine, as directed.

Women need that medicine. They must have it. If they do not receive and take properly prescribed medicine as directed, they will do quite poorly. They will not “die”, at least not right away. But they will not “live” as long.

And we have women abusing “medicine” (men). Most of the time they don’t take the proper prescriptions, instead overdosing on self-prescribed (men) drugs that don’t work for them [The Cock Carousel – A♠]. Or, they get a proper prescription (man), but do not take it (him) as directed. Instead they waste the medicine or do not take it at all.

 

 

 

Told by society at large that everything in her medicine cabinet is the same and only good for a high or low or a twist ’round the bend:

 

It’s no surprise she ignores the labels/warnings on the bottles.

 

No matter how large the print.

 

9♣

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You and I are under-dosed and we’re ready to fall…”

Posted in Uncategorized on February 17, 2019 by A♠

8♣

 

 

Love is a drug.

 

I’ve said this before (obviously, I’m certainly not the first one to do so).

 

Although ⁂ I explained it ⁂ more fully than most ever have, I was still brief.

 

Here, I’ll expound upon it further.

 

 

 

To women, men are medicinal drugs.

 

When her mate is well-chosen (properly prescribed) and treated/received as he is, rather than as she wishes he’d be (taken as directed), men are tremendous aids to female well-being.

 

They help keep women stable, balanced, focused, prosperous and productive.

 

Indeed the exponential increase in female alcoholism, mental illness and terrible outcomes for the children of single mothers over the past few decades all support my statement (and my theory).

 

The reason for this is, over the ages of human development, women have come to need men on multiple, crucial levels.

 

The economic freedom they currently enjoy in the Western world merely fooled them into believing material needs were the sole necessity men historically provided, rather than the plethora they actually do.

 

Yet, to read this as “men always do only good for women” is to completely ignore what I’ve written.

 

I said “as prescribed” and “taken as directed”.

 

Anyone that can pick a newspaper or type into a search engine could easily discover that abuse of prescription drugs (and its subsequent awful consequences) is rampant and lethal.

 

My analogy very much extends to that scenario, also.

 

Do not take it lightly.

 

 

 

To men, women are recreational drugs.

 

Like booze, cigarettes and other such dangerous ⁂ luxuries ⁂:

 

Women take the edge off of life.

 

They give us something to which we can look forward after a long, difficult day.

 

Hell, ask a man who hasn’t gotten laid recently (or has, for comparison) and see how angry, edgy, dour and tense he is.

 

But I bet you already know how that will wash out.

 

Work in a blue collar profession (or even white collar, these days) and see how many men work simply for beer money, the newest video game or some other temporary dopamine hit.

 

Thus, to think comparing women recreational drugs is failing to notice their influence is to misunderstand, at best; idiotic, at worst.

 

Indeed, now that women have largely been removed as a reward for male effort, not coincidentally, male workforce participation has dropped to it lowest point.

 

Ever.

 

Yet, like recreational drugs, to overindulge in women is the path to pain, penury and perdition.

 

 

 

Recall, at the end of the day, a massive purpose of pharmaceuticals is simply pain management.

 

And, for most of us

 

Life is really fucking painful.

 

Therein lies the dangerous conundrum.

 

 

8♣

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh no, I’ve said too much; I haven’t said enough”

Posted in Uncategorized on February 10, 2019 by A♠

7♣

 

 

 

 

In my previous post, I wrote:

 

Women have a tremendous capacity to endure.

 

Not merely endure, actually, but struggle mightily under terrible conditions.

 

(Admittedly, this seems untrue to our modernity-clouded vision, but I assure you it is fact.)

 

If any human being can make a Heaven of Hell, it’d be a woman.

 

 

Of course, I fully expected someone to take me to task on it.

 

 

 

Happily, loyal and long time reader Sean did:

 

I had to take a second after reading this.

 

It’s not that they could make Hell Heaven but would delude themselves into it. “See?! Unlimited hot water for the tub, it’s always warm, never a draft, I can wear yoga pants all the time and I never need to cook. How is it NOT Heaven?”

 

I think a chunk of their resilience is putting the Hamster in overdrive and letting it spin until it becomes an alternator.

That final line [emboldened by me for emphasis] is exactly right.

 

Spot on, in fact.

 

I’ll explain why that is.

 

Before I do, however, I’ll share the full quote to which I was alluding in my original statement, as I believe it will provide a more solid basis for understanding [emphasis in bold].

 

The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.”
~John Milton, Paradise Lost

 

Now, to explain as promised.

 

 

 

One of the few things I will be eternally grateful to Roissy/Heartiste for teaching me is (paraphrased):

 

Irrational self-confidence trumps rational defeatism every time.

 

This is because men (being the natural aggressors) need to make confidence a potent fuel for their engine.

 

Successful execution of action often depends on it.

 

And men are judged by their actions (and the results of such).

 

 

 

Understand, however, that women don’t need that particular self-delusion.

 

It is, in fact, a delusion.

 

A useful one, admittedly, but a self-deception, regardless.

 

 

 

Women, on the other hand, need to be resilient.

 

What would aid that?

 

Deluding oneself about the quality of one’s surroundings certainly would.

 

Focusing on sunshine, smiles and cute animals – or, in broader strokes, the bright sides of current conditions – charge their batteries (to maintain Sean’s analogy).

 

Such a mental realignment would definitely aid in battling depression, despondency and dejection.

 

 

 

Now, I suspect the next counterpoint aimed at me (politely) may be:

 

“But women take it too far!” 

 

I agree.

 

In fact, it was a significant point of that post.

 

Yet, women can’t be fully blamed for that.

 

Plenty of men are arrogant braggarts because folks in their life fed the delusions to a detrimental point.

 

The only difference here is that female delusions are simply catered to (on the whole) far more than men’s.

 

If for no other reason than men shrug and ignore them rather than suffer for disabusing them of their feminine notions.

 

Just as women often reward male braggarts by feeding their egos and filling their beds, men reward women – in a sense – for their intentional denialism.

 

“It’s queer how out of touch with truth women are. They live in a world of their own, and there has never been anything like it, and never can be. It’s too beautiful altogether, and if they were to set it up it would go to pieces before the first sunset. Some confounded fact we men have been living contentedly with ever since the day of creation would start up and knock the whole thing over.”

~ Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

 

7♣