Voices

4♠

 

My computer died this week so, rather than miss a deadline, I decided to post something (even if it isn’t what I’d originally intended). The following is a message I received some time ago and felt it might be worth sharing.

“An observation I have about your writing, especially that clinical, super-objective, research-thesis-like style.

When I read it, I have to force myself to hear you saying the words. Once I do, it all clicks back into place that you’re just a man, a mortal man.

Because if I didn’t know you, (and to be fair, I’m really only beginning to know you), if I couldn’t hear your pronunciation of the words, your meter, I would have difficulty not believing every single thing you wrote at face value. And I mean, everything.

I know I’m not the best example; we already reviewed my levels of gullibility and trust; but when you lay things out in that careful, correct and well-researched manner, it sounds more than professional, it sounds like the words of a Prophet.

Now, God, please forgive me my blasphemy. “

– a regular reader

 

* * *

 

Regular Reader,

I very much appreciate your kind words. However, permit me to point out you haven’t blasphemed. All of the prophets were “just mortal men”. That’s where humanity defeats itself. They expect prophets themselves to be divine. They aren’t; their message is. That tone you hear is Truth. It’s so unfamiliar these days it’s understandable why it would seem almost supernatural. You should believe what I tell you; especially when I take that tone. You’ll come to find you’d likely get to many of my conclusions on your own, regardless, after significant time and effort.

 

Sincerest best wishes,

A♠

 

 

4♠

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“There ain’t no companion like…”

3♠

 

 

 

 

 

While there is more than a little bitterness in the tone of the respondent’s words, I believe her to have a rather solid, accurate picture of the reality I postulated in the previous post.

 

To be clear, this is not to say she has no reason to be bitter.

 

I don’t know her or her situation.

 

My purpose, at this moment, is to point out that male/female-cat/dog is not “good one/bad one”.

 

 

 

Like their counterpart animals, the issue isn’t the nature of them that makes them troublesome or dangerous (simply ask Jackson Galaxy or Cesar Millan) .

 

It’s all (and – barring rare animal brain-maladies – I do mean ALL) in how those that bring the animal in question into their homes and communicate with them.

 

If one’s commands aren’t clear, they won’t be followed.

 

If one’s expectations don’t align with the animals’ well-documented qualities, strengths and weaknesses, then one is in for nothing more than frustration capped with disappointment.

 

If one fails – or refuses – to learn effective means to communicate and necessary maintenance procedures, then one will quickly be without a companion and – instead – have an adversary in one’s living room.

 

 

 

Lastly, it’s best to start off asking the question:

 

“Am I able to keep up the end of this bargain I’ll be entering?”

 

Taking on responsibilities one is completely unprepared to meet (regardless of reason) will make the above tasks exponentially more difficult.

 

Don’t have a cat if you’re allergic to them.

 

Don’t have a dog if you live in a tiny, city apartment.

 

And, most of all, don’t get involved with someone without expecting the level of work it will take to make it worthwhile.

 

 

3♠

“I’m a tiger when I want love…”

2♠

 

 

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. ”

– Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (1973)

 

 

I’ve never read Heinlein’s work (I know, shame on me; I’m not a big science fiction fan).

 

So, I can say with complete honestly, upon reading the quotation above I went immediately to the Internet to learn—

 

How many times he’d been married.

 

To my utter lack of surprise, I discovered he was twice divorced and thrice married.

 

 

 

To those readers that have been with me for years, it should be guessed instantly that I believe he has it all ※ completely backwards ※.

 

Relatedly, I believe it to be no coincidence that my father’s steadfast insistence “Every boy should have a dog” and the ‘sphere’s somewhat cruel insult to women to “Die alone, surrounded by cats” are intertwined more than most in our modern – post-agrarian – world ever suspect.

 

I’ll dive deeper into this particular theory of mine more in later posts but, for now, I’ll state a handful of points:

 

1} Dogs were domesticated since they traded freedom for nutritional stability and security.

 

2} Cats were domesticated only in the sense of living with humans peaceably. They were not – and are not – trained, per se, because their natural inclinations (hunting vermin) served human needs well enough on their own.

 

3} On the whole, women love cats for their low-maintenance and their independent natures.

 

4} On the whole, men love dogs for their loyalty, willingness to obey and generally submissive natures.

 

5} Neither cat nor dog is superior. They each provide value to different humans. Only need dictates worth.

 

 

 

The comments section on this one may or may not quickly alleviate any need for further posts on this topic.

 

If not:

 

“Just say a word and the boys will be right there

with claws at your back to send a chill through the night air”

 

If so:

 

“…well, that’s alright by me”.

 

 

2♠

“Who can we get on the case?… Someone to put you in place.”

A♦

 

 

 

For those readers that have been paying attention, it should be noticed that I’ve reserved the Ace cards for tidbits regarding myself, personally.

 

To continue that particular trend, I’ll share some facts regarding my past with INS/DHS.

 

To whit, although I was fired for “incompetence”, here are the top three things I created/did during my near decade service with my country’s government.

 

1} I wrote a citizenship test that caught applicants trying to cheat their way past the process. Understand that if an applicant has been a “green card” [I-551] holder for ≥ 20 years, then the requirement to speak English is officially waived. This allows them to have translator present during the exam. Now, I quickly realized the translator would feed the applicant answers or outright lie for them, claiming they’d given the correct answer when they did not. Now, there were – at the time – a pool of 100 questions, of which I was permitted to choose only 10. Thus, to beat the cheats, I asked questions that had only English names as answers. I failed so many this way, my bosses told me to stop failing them if they were fed less than three answers.

 

2} When swearing in applicants at the beginning of the process, I gave directions with words but remained perfectly still. Few people realize just how much body language is the primary means of exchanging information. I failed innumerable applicants unable to speak English (and not exempt the requirement) simply by asking “Raise your right hand” prior to my doing so. So many, in fact, that my first-line supervisor stole the technique to speed through his interviews.

 

3} Prior to those techniques, I was a “badge and gun” officer that briefly questioned those entering the USA via aircraft. Bosses and lawyers would pick apart reasons we front-line officers had for stopping them. So, adapting my training to the pedanticism, I invented the phrase “stress-indicative, non-verbal communication” (to laymen, this means “the person in question was acting suspicious”). Thus, giving bullet-proof articulation to my memos. Within a month, all the dedicated officers at my duty station adopted it.

 

 

 

While this isn’t a technique, I feel I should mention:

 

Officers would look forward to me questioning suspects.

 

Why?

 

Because, far more often than not, I’d catch a good one.

 

In fact, one fellow officer [a former border patrol agent] used to get a shit-eating grin on his face when he’d see me and say:

 

“Alright! [Spadille], is here! Time for [an illegal] to get sent home!”

 

 

 

So for all of those claiming to defend Western civilization:

 

I did.

 

As long as they let me.

 

 

A♦

“But I already left you and you’re better off left behind…”

K♦

 

 

 

 

As long-time readers are no doubt aware, my main hobby (among many) is taking the world apart and seeing what makes it spin.

 

While watching a program about feline behavior (research to more thoroughly explain a previously mentioned theory of mine in a future post), the “fight or flight response” was mentioned.

 

It struck me, at that moment, just how often we humans fall prey to that particular instinct.

 

Yet, the frequency, alone, didn’t catch my attention.

 

But how readily we deny it or – almost as foolishly – fail to even notice it.

 

 

 

I’ll take a moment to place a seemingly tangential fact about myself here.

 

I received a bunch of magnetic words to place on the refrigerator from someone a few years back.

 

I selected a few and wrote:

 

we look

think

do!

 

Now, the question that likely arises at this point is:

 

What does all of the above have in common?

 

 

 

It’s crucial to understand one’s own motivations.

 

It’s imperative to recognize if one is moving toward a circumstance.

 

Or away from it (flight).

 

Are you drinking because you enjoy a post-work cocktail?

 

Or hiding in a bottle from the day’s events?

 

Are you chasing your ex because you Truly believe you need her?

 

Or are you afraid you’ll never find anyone else?

 

Are you building model airplanes because you enjoy the task?

 

Or are you ochlophobic and that’s a good way to stay home?

 

 

 

Of course, this isn’t to say every [plastic Fokker DR.I] Dreidecker, drink or dame is a manifestation of fear.

 

I’ve said many times a man should find his path and pursue it.

 

However, it’s vital to honestly assess:

 

If it’s a road onward.

 

Or a well-worn escape route.

 

 

K♦

“I don’t wanna be saved, I don’t wanna be sober; I want you on my mind…”

Q♦

 

 

 

 

One of the biggest mistakes a man can make is commiserating with a recently separated woman (if the separation was undesirable to her – this qualification is crucial).

 

It’s a common error.

 

Lord knows I’ve made it more than a few times myself.

 

Understandable, of course, from a male perspective since – on the surface – it would appear to be a supportive act.

 

However, look again.

 

 

 

As we cast our gaze back to moments we made that particular error, recall a few things:

 

1} Women communicate via ▶ subtext ◀ far more than they ever do overtly.

 

2} To women, a ▶ sense of humor ◀ is not crafting and executing jokes; it’s a refusal to take life too seriously.

 

3} The ▶ nature of love ◀ from each sex differs significantly.

 

 

 

What needs to be understood is that the ongoing vilification of a (former) lover by the female in question is not an exhortation for the benefit of others.

 

It’s not an alarm.

 

It’s not warning.

 

It is a shedding of skin.

 

 

 

The purpose of the process is not actually to destroy him in the eyes of others.

 

(Not in this exact context, at least.)

 

It’s to disentangle her from the numerous, invisible – yet extraordinarily potent – threads that ▶ bind her to him ◀.

 

Cutting him is cutting the strands tying the two of them.

 

 

 

This is also why women never react well to men who join in on the attacks.

 

In fact, this is the reason women will often turn on those men who do.

 

It’s viewed – by the females in question – as a move to subvert the efforts to such a man’s [the commiserator’s]  benefit.

 

In short:

 

Instead of letting her free herself, he attempts to rebind her.

 

Specifically, to an unrequested and unwanted replacement.

 

 

 

Is the aforementioned vilification just?

 

That’s immaterial to this conversation.

 

She feels the need to break with him.

 

So she does as she must.

 

She always does.

 

And she always will.

 

 

 

Q♦

“Tillin’ my own grave to keep me level…”

J♦

 

 

 

 

Like a traffic-light installed at an intersection after a fatal, multi-car collision, the ‘sphere has – Truth be told – a lamentable and tragic origin.

 

Yet, even then, neither the ‘sphere nor the traffic-light has any real power to stop the speeding travelers from destroying themselves, or each other, in the rush to destinations.

 

(Light is no physical barrier, after all.)

 

Thus, both can only do good if those encountering either heed their measured suggestions.

 

But something has troubled me lately, regarding this fact.

 

 

 

If you’ve been in this section as long as I, you may be aware that the constant push for “self-improvement” has been the most vociferous call raised among the voices collected herein.

 

Now, that – in and of itself – is not what troubles me.

 

What troubles me about that call is, much like many other recommended courses of action, it gets misheard, misused and misunderstood.

 

Sometimes to the point of uselessness and, more rarely but still extant, deleteriousness.

 

I’ll explain.

 

 

 

See, I have frequently seen too many men get caught up in “how much they’ve improved” or perhaps how much they’ve failed to do so.

 

Sometimes posturing with success; sometimes expressing bitter defeat.

 

While I believe it’s a noble goal to improve oneself, I have spent years trying to get men to save themselves first.

 

In short:

 

Climb out of the hole before attempting to scale mountains.

 

 

 

Some may say that climbing out of the hole is self-improvement.

 

I politely disagree.

 

It’s no more self-improvement than a drowning man grasping at flotsam to keep his head above water.

 

Demanding he compare himself to Olympic swimmers, at that desperate moment, may only cause him to embrace the depths.

 

 

 

Therefore, I focus a man’s sight on building healthy, beneficial, relationships with women rather than concern myself with how attractive they are.

 

I advise him to cultivate a worthy circle of ▶ friends ◀ to buoy his spirits and resolve during tough times, rather than be a lone, Alpha wolf.

 

I direct him to get his finances in order and out of debt rather than achieve entrepreneurial success or income independence.

 

I push him to ▶ discover ◀ what he wants, what drives him, what brings him contentment.

 

Competition is excellent and, indeed, crucial in a man’s development.

 

But only when he is well enough to compete.

 

 

 

To be fair, maybe there are more men out there that really need very little.

 

Maybe they’ve the legs to simply leap out of their current situation and hit the ground running.

 

Maybe I’m one who is wrong in all of this.

 

But the ▶ suicide rate ◀ among my brethren speaks too loudly in admonition.

 

 

 

Every drained bottle on the floor.

 

Every used needle in the alley.

 

Every empty chamber in the revolver.

 

All of them crying out:

 

Comparing myself to others is how I got here.

 

And why I’m here no more.

 

 

J♦