“No, she ain’t comin’ back ’cause there’s nothin’ left to come back to…”

Posted in Uncategorized on January 21, 2019 by A♠

4♣

 

 

 

One of the worst disservices done over the last 30 or so years to young men is this:

 

Advocating – or, at the very least, tacitly encouraging – clinginess and cloying behavior.

 

Pushing – either overtly or subtly – young men to surfeit women on indulgences and deference.

 

Presenting constant sharing, endless conversation and ceaseless, vocalized consideration as effective relationship strategies.

 

While the list of injustices dished out to men over the past century is lengthy, I believe the above to be damn near the top of the list.

 

Which, one should understand, is no small accomplishment of infamy.

 

 

 

Accordingly, the ‘sphere has strongly recommended (for a decade or more, at this point) that men should avoid being clingy.

 

Advice such as “grow a spine”, “be cocky” and “practice amused mastery” has been passed around so quickly and often it could double as a centrifuge.

 

Now, I agree with all of those recommendations (although to varying degrees, depending on the specific fellow seeking my advice).

 

However, my stance on this blog – from its inception – is that a man should learn the physics of the world and build the engine to drive him to his exact specifications.

 

Meaning:

 

A line or tactic may work for me but it may not work for you.

 

Understanding the reasons why lines or tactics work allows them to originate from and be tailored to suit the man in need.

 

Thus, I wouldn’t be the man I am if I didn’t mark the cards so my boys can get an edge in this particular hand.

 

 

 

Although we’re told to avoid it, what – in fact – is wrong with being a clingy man?

 

Well, as everything concerning women:

 

It’s not the action itself that helps or hinders, but what it says at a deeper level.

 

And clinginess is a man deeply broadcasting a semaphore message in massive, brilliant lights that could be seen from orbit.

 

That message is:

 

“I’m afraid of the world and I need a tremendous amount of help to navigate it.”

 

Women look to men for guidance, assurance and courage.

 

Clinginess signals an utter dearth of all three.

 

So, if there’s a worse message to send a woman, I’ve yet to read it.

 

 

 

Of course, like almost everything concerning men and women, what’s true for one is false for the other.

 

Women (unless they fuel up and drive frantically off into crazytown) are helped by being clingy.

 

Why?

 

Because it signals exactly the things I said it does.

 

And that attracts men.

 

It lets men feel needed (which is far better than being wanted, but that’s a topic for another day).

 

In fact, it allows men to feel as though their primal function is being fulfilled.

 

Not to mention it can gently sub-communicate loyalty, depending on its expression.

 

 

 

Fellas, it’s fine to feel frightened, confused and lonely.

 

Those are perfectly normal, human emotions.

 

Just don’t expect a ⁂ cruise ship ⁂ – as opposed to the Coast Guard – to answer your distress call.

 

 

4♣

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“A smile is just a frown turned upside-down…”

Posted in Uncategorized on January 12, 2019 by A♠

3♣

 

 
“Toxic masculinity.”

 

If you’ve been in these parts of the ‘net for even a moderate amount of time, then you’ve heard that phrase.

 

Ostensibly, it’s a condemnation of male qualities which are deemed negative by certain segments of modern society.

 

What are the qualities in particular that are demonized [rightly or wrongly] by the phrase in question?

 

In brief: imposition of will, self-assuredness, boldness and, most of all, anger.

 

Among them, keep anger in the forefront of your mind, dear reader, for this conversation.

 

 

 

To a cursory inspection, the list seems a somewhat reasonable delineation of behaviors in need of curtailing.

 

Under other circumstances – the development of a specific child or dangerous adult – I might be open to such efforts (so long as it was utilized temporarily only and in aid of clearly targeted, finite treatment).

 

However, at a societal level, I see it for what it is:

 

An egregious power play disguised as peacekeeping.

 

Barring all the eventual benefits that result from the expression of listed qualities – civilization first among them – I’ll point out exactly why squelching male wrath is a grab for control.

 

Simply put:

 

Women are rewarded for their tears (by men).

 

Men are rewarded for their rage (by women).

 

That pairing dwells at such a deeply ingrained level that it’s a herculean task to avoid acting contrarily.

 

 

 

Even the most “red pilled” man will have a hard-wired response to give a woman what she wants when the waterworks begin to flow.

 

Even the most die hard feminist will try to sooth male anger (in person) as a knee-jerk reaction.

 

And dopamine will reward both parties heartily for their efforts.

 

Thus, the control granted the respective sexes by such is both powerful and nigh on undeniable.

 

I’d argue, in fact, they’re the most efficacious tools we possess.

 

 

 

Yes, I realize some individuals are able to avoid those diktats but, far more often than not, it’s only due to conscious effort or mental illness.

 

Nature has made the demand; she’ll not be denied lightly.

 

Additionally, some may say women are only doing it because they fear those men and want to feel safe.

 

Which I counter by saying:

 

Some types of safety are ⁂ entirely undesirable ⁂.

 

And this is one of them.

 

3♣

“She loved him yesterday; yesterday’s over, I said okay, that’s all right…”

Posted in Uncategorized on January 5, 2019 by A♠

2♣

 

 

 

 

When I wrote my first post of 2018, I closed it with the following lines:

 

“Like a deck of cards, some will be worth more than others.

Don’t blame the dealer for that (it’s the nature of the game, after all).

Since, in the end—

It’s up to you to build a winning hand with them.”

 

I mention this now, in my first post of 2019 , because there’s something that should be mentioned – or cautioned, if one prefers – regarding those words.

 

Were I to summarize it in one word, my choice would be:

 

Timing.

 

 

 

Understand that life, being the poker game it is, involves many hands played, rather than just the one countless folks may believe it to be.

 

Certainly, a person has only so many cards (resources) at one time.

 

That’s not being disputed.

 

But as life moves forward, what those resources are and how they align to either serve or hinder (or perhaps both) that person changes as the person in question does.

 

Thus, it’s best to focus on the hand one is playing rather than the hands prior or potentially future.

 

Allowing oneself to not only be trapped by paradigms formed in childhood can be deleterious enough.

 

However, playing to those paradigms is both retarded [literal definition; not pejorative] and very possibly disastrous as the years go onward.

 

 

 

Less so, yet still a snare to avoid, is trying to achieve victory with resources no longer present or unlikely to arrive.

 

Disappointment at best, squandered time and means leading to failure at worst, are the outcomes awaiting the unwary there.

 

 

 

To close using the analogy with which I began:

 

Don’t try to win using cards no longer in your hand.

 

Understand that hand is – for better or worse – over.

 

Don’t try to build “four of a kind” at 40 because you had three kings when you were 19.

 

Don’t attempt to go for a “straight” because, when you were 25, you were so close you could taste it.

 

Your cards (finances/abilities/talents) have changed.

 

Whether they’re better or worse is – to a significant extent – a matter of perspective.

 

 

 

So take careful stock of what’s currently before you.

 

Let what is – not what was nor (to a lesser extent) what will be – dictate your strategy.

 

And play to the best of what you’ve been dealt.

 

 

2♣

“God on my side and a gun in my hand, chasing my days down to zero…”

Posted in Uncategorized on December 23, 2018 by A♠

A♠

 

 

 
Well, attentive readers, it’s the ace card.

 

The final, in fact.

 

And you know what that means.

 

 

 

My oath of a post a week is complete.

 

I’m proud to say I did exactly what I said I would.

 

As far as I’m concerned:

 

That’s a serious accomplishment.

 

 

 

See, this section of the ‘net ended up getting a serious rep for being “all hat and no cattle”, as my Texan friends would say.

 

So I do my damnedest to be different.

 

To complicate matters, I don’t skillfully craft crass humor that shocks people into attentiveness.

 

I don’t pen countless portmanteaus in scathing attacks on the status quo.

 

And obviously don’t pay Fiverr workers to crib other blogs then post them to mine.

 

Oddly enough, I’m different because I’m just a man.

 

 

 

I’m just a man that’s made more mistakes than a dyslexic in a speed-reading competition.

 

I’m just a man that had his heart broken so often and savagely that the pieces had to melted down and reforged, rather than glued back together.

 

I’m just a man that makes a serious effort to answer every comment, call and email.

 

A man that helps guys getting out of jail.

 

Guys close to suicide.

 

Guys trying to figure out a world cloaked in deceit and duplicity.

 

Folks told to find the cookie in the corner of round room.

 

 

 

You know, it’s funny.

 

I think I’ve saved more people since they took my badge and gun than I ever did while I had them.

 

Which is even more impressive when I stop to consider these demons are infinitely more dangerous.

 

Most crooks will only rob or, even less likely, kill you.

 

The fiends we fight here will get you to send your own soul to Hell.

 

 

 

No, I didn’t save the world.

 

But I believe I’ve done my part, if not more.

 

Now, I won’t promise another 52 for 2019.

 

But I’ll try my damnedest to do it, nonetheless.

 

 

 

So pour yourself a drink (non-alcoholic, if necessary).

 

And, if you’d be so kind:

 

Toast my health.

 

Drink to the fellow that didn’t stand miles behind the line, barking orders.

 

The fellow that stood shoulder to shoulder with you in the trench.

 

The fellow that looked you in the eye as he blew the whistle to go over the top.

 

And made damn sure he was a step ahead of you charging the enemy so you were absolutely, positively, indisputably certain—

 

You weren’t doing it alone.

 

A♠

“Pay no mind to the battles you’ve won…”

Posted in Uncategorized on December 16, 2018 by A♠

K♠

 

 


Even your losses will become victories.

 

I promise you.

 

Truly.

 

Most in this arena write regarding young men and their desires.

 

I’ve no issue with that fact since young men are in dire need of guidance in any era, especially ours.

 

But I resist confinement of topics.

 

 

 

No boy remains young.

 

No man remains immortal.

 

Everything passes.

 

So permit me, please, to reiterate:

 

Even your losses will become victories.

 

Should you choose to examine things carefully.

 

 

 

The women that rejected you will not haunt your nights decades later.

 

You tried to win them.

 

Their rejections were merely stones in the river, slightly altering its course.

 

They did not cease its flow.

 

The tests you failed taught you lessons.

 

They did not end your education.

 

The suffering you endured did not stop your journey.

 

It simply caused you to watch your step more closely.

 

 

 

I solemnly assure you:

 

Failed efforts – as a man’s life edges ever closer to its end – hurt nowhere near as much as the memory of unmade attempts.

 

No, there is no end to risk and pain in this life.

 

Yet, there needn’t be an end to meaning, either.

 

The oubliette in which you find yourself is cold, dark and claustrophobic.

 

Yet, the fingers bloodied and numbed by scratching at the walls fail to tactilely reveal:

 

The key to escape is in your ensanguined hand.

 

It’s your choice.

 

It always has been.

 

That’s what I’ve telling you—

 

All these years.

 

 

K♠

“I can easily understand how you could easily take my man but you don’t know what he means to me…”

Posted in Uncategorized on December 13, 2018 by A♠

Q♠

 

 

 

 
Women do not think as men do.

 

Their biology – and there subsequent biological destiny – precludes such.

 

I can’t possibly say it any more clearly.

 

Yet it amazes me how many men – when everything boils down – still believe they do.

 

 

 

Sure, those men say otherwise.

 

But they’re lying – to me, themselves or both.

 

Since I’m on the topic, allow me to delineate some things many (most?) men fail to even consider:

 

1} Women can often be solipsistic – fact. But the root of this is a feature, not a bug. Recall that tens of thousands of years of existence bestowed upon them the responsibility of being primary caregivers for infants. Women believe (consciously or subconsciously) the universe revolves around them because – for the aforementioned children – it literally does. Angst, comfort, life, death are all in the babe’s mother’s hands. Thus, believing “it’s all about her” (to a point) is actually a boon in the survival department.

 

2} This previous condition causes women to be staggeringly (to men able to witness such) self-critical. Everything is internalized and (possibly over) analyzed. Most men have no idea how often – and how vociferously – women blame themselves for things that occur. It’s why abusive men are extraordinarily dangerous to reasonably healthy women and why the women are so easily trapped by those men. Ignorant (and I don’t mean that in the pejorative sense) men hear women blaming others but fail to understand that such rants are, more frequently than not, just theater. Those women, alone in the dark, often reduce themselves to pools of self-loathing.

 

3} Men operate under the impression that women weather break-ups with little to no effort; that they navigate the pain and heartache as if that particular duo of anguish is entirely absent. This is true in many cases, yes. But what most men fail to see are the times when the “right” man leaves. Those times are utterly devastating. Keep this brutal, unpleasant and certainly politically incorrect reality in mind: women are far more easily replaced than men. This is not misogyny; it’s basic economics. Men have comparatively few demands. Physical beauty, (relative) youth and an agreeable nature. Anything more is gravy. Women, on the other hand, have innumerable and myriad criteria to be met. Thus, even in a reasonably healthy society, 100% of men would be content with 80% of women while 100% of women would be Truly content with only 20% of men. Alternately phrased in brief: the more requirements a position has, the harder it is to fill it. In light of all of the above, it’s no wonder women constantly act to undermine one another. Even those they sometimes call friends.

 

 
For those readers that still fail to grasp what I’m saying, I’ll make it as easily digestible as I can:

 

Men mainly ask “Does she have nice eyes/tits/legs/[personal preference] , is she sweet and will she not nag me into the grave?”

 

While women ask “Does he have ambition but not so much I’ll never see him, does he have a sense of humor but not act like a clown, will he make me laugh, will he make me cry (I want both but in a good way), will he frustrate me, will he please me (but not too much), will he listen (but not too much), will he be confident but not arrogant, will he be assertive but not domineering, will he be dominant but not abusive, will he fight with me but not physically/emotionally crush me, will he disagree but not belittle me, [ad infinitum]…”

 

 

 

Understand there is nothing wrong with the priorities of either sex.

 

They are what they are for reasons as old – and as enduring – as life itself.

 

And realize: under even the best conditions, which is harder locate?

 

To win?

 

Most of all, to keep?

 

Now, had you such a long list of necessities, how hard, how dirty, how desperately would you fight to meet them?

 

Q♠

“I know I can share it if you want me to; if you’re going my way, I’ll go with you…”

Posted in Uncategorized on December 8, 2018 by A♠

J♠

 

 

 

 

While the negative effects of modernity on men in this day and age are widely discussed, there’s an issue I’m noticing with increasing frequency.

 

It’s certainly come to my attention more in recent months than I’ve seen mentioned in the past few years.

 

That issue is the lack of friends/camaraderie.

 

 

 

As I write this, I find it bitterly amusing, to be perfectly honest.

 

Our section of the internet has offered advice on dating, pick-up, weight-training, money-making along with myriad other endeavors but I truly can’t recall anything being said about simply finding a fellow join you for a beer.

 

I suppose it could simply be taken for granted.

 

Much is, no doubt.

 

But, as I’ve said many times before:

 

I’ve learned – and it was a hard yet worthwhile lesson – to take nothing for granted.

 

Or perhaps counseling men towards building relationships with one another is viewed as a push toward homosexuality.

 

Anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear knows that male friendship is twisted and corrupted in countless films, television programs, books, et al.

 

For some reason, in 21st century pop-culture, the trend is to show men can only fight or fuck one-another.

 

Whether this is by design or simply a vile spontaneity, I don’t care to investigate at the moment.

 

Regardless, a dearth of friends is a pitfall worse than most suspect.

 

 

 

For reasons I’ve discussed in previous posts and in one of my books, I consider the aforementioned state the most dangerous condition afflicting men these days (and that’s saying quite a bit).

 

Thus, I’ll offer my thoughts on how overcome the problem for its sufferers.

 

A} I recommend you read Robert Glover’s ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’. It’s an excellent work on how to start clearly communicating with those in one’s life and drawing healthy boundaries for oneself.

 

B} After reading and practicing the treatment offered therein until you feel comfortable establishing personal boundaries in a reasonable way, read ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic for a reason. Be careful not to rush into it, however. Boundaries are critical. Also, reading these in the reverse order will cause/create otherwise easily avoided problems of a potentially large degree. I know; I read them in the reverse [read: bad] order.

 

As far as my own personal suggestions for action go, I offer them now:

 

1} Have a realistic goal. Don’t expect to be best friends after exchanging two sentences. Let things build on their own. On the other hand, don’t enter into every acquaintanceship expecting the other person will be an asshole, betray you or both.

 

2} Understand someone in the formula must move first. Someone must risk being hurt or rebuffed. Most of all, understand that someone must be you. The ‘sphere says expecting women to make the first move is a terrible idea. I add, as far as friendship goes: expecting men to make the first move isn’t much better. Everyone has walls. There are men that read my blog for literally years before even commenting, let alone building a (telephonic/IRL) friendship. Realize that’s with the protection of anonymity and digital barriers. Real life is quintuplely so.

 

3} Do your utmost to balance your openness. Share as appropriate; conceal as appropriate. Few build strong friendships with those who respond purely monosyllabically yet few want to be drenched in emotional vomit by a social bulimic. The first gives nothing for someone to latch onto while the second gives nothing but a mess to wash off.

 

4} Build separate friends groups. One set are drinking buddies; the second are golfing/gaming/fishing/et al pals; third are acquaintances through work, school, et al. Once built, keep them separate. Should one fall apart, you’ve others to keep you sane. If you learn no other lesson in all this – learn this one.

 

5} As a general rule: don’t befriend women. Biology is too powerful a siren-song. If she’s even moderately attractive, it’s likely you’ll want to fuck her, thus fuck it all up. Of course, there are cases where a man can make it work. But it’s far more likely to happen (if healthy) as a fortunate accident rather than through any actual effort.

 

 

Whether you choose to use my suggestions or not:

 

I wish you much success in building a healthy social circle.

 

It’s a castle that provides refuge, respite and resilience beyond measure.

 

 

J♠