“She stabs her dolls and she buries them 6 feet deep…“

Posted in Uncategorized on June 12, 2020 by A♠







Sex sells.


It’s everywhere.


With good reason, I grant you, but its omnipresence is tiresome considering so few seem to truly understand its actual complexity.




Yes, we all know where “babies come from”.


The ‘sphere has discussed its bonding power (to a twisted point).


And the power it has over men, specifically, has often been addressed, although at a mostly surface level.


Before we go further, permit me to say:


I realize using the “number rating system” for female attractiveness is a bit gauche; I’ll employ it here for clarity at one point, regardless.


Since, let’s be honest, men (and even women) fully grasp and follow it easily.




Now, I’ll cover a few things that I believe have been far too unspoken in these parts.


1} There are two separate but equal paths to power: sex and violence. Each is given to a gender as a means to their particular ends. The promise – and judicious use – of both is crucial to success. All art and literature circle those fraternal twins in awe and obeisance for those very reasons.


2} When sex occurs, both parties think themselves conquerors. Both may be correct but one always, definitely is. Motivations to that moment matter and decide the victor, especially if there’s only one. Ideally, both are predator and prey. This, sadly, is not always the case.


3} Victory in the sexual realm has a cost. Both parties surrender something; a price is paid. Only the currency differs. Women lose value to the next man in their lives; men lose the uniqueness that the next woman offers (at the very least).


4} Casual sex is as much a ludicrous fallacy as casual violence. Both take significant, long term tolls on the mental health of the perpetrator. Dehumanization of others stems from both and dehumanizing others increases the individuals loneliness by orders of magnitude.




The following is a bit too much to make a bullet point, so I’ll try to elucidate it outside the preceding list.


I’ve a few thoughts.


I’m unsure how many sexual conquistadors would agree but I’ll posit it nonetheless.


The hottest women (≥8) are bad in bed.


They labor (or, more accurately given context, fail to labor) under the impression that their attractiveness is enough to carry them through a sexual encounter.


[NAXALT, of course]


Their belief is patently untrue.


A distant, aloof lover is no lover, at all.




I’ve found – in my comparatively limited experience to countless (online) Lotharios – ideal is sex is had with a 6-7 (an occasional 8 may be an exception).


Such women are attractive enough to generate arousal but not so hot as to feel arrogant in their desirability.


Thus, they make for eager yet appealing lovers.




Lastly, I’ll address a topic near to me:


“Crazy girls fuck best.”


Whew, boy do they.


Why is that?


They’ve so little self-worth that they’ll gladly debase themselves in any way necessary to be the victor in the sexual act.


They think themselves nothing so they believe there’s nothing to lose.


What’s the problem with that, a man may ask?


You’ll find out in short order, my friend.


I promise you.


Because, as one of the solipsistic gender:


If she thinks so lowly of herself—


You’re so far beneath her as to be underground.



“How do I figure out this mess that’s me?“

Posted in Uncategorized on June 9, 2020 by A♠




In 2004, I attached my laptop to my television using an “s” video cable; I attached my stereo to my laptop with a “y” adapter.


This had the internet and all my digital music running through both my stereo and my television (which I didn’t watch, really, beyond videos I’d acquired).


Every friend I had that saw it was blown away.


I was complimented by their reactions but did nothing more.


Imagine my crushing disappointment when – a decade later – I’m working for minimum wage in a Target selling Roku and “smart” televisions.




Also in 2004, I was playing D&D with friends whereupon – during a break – I mentioned a hugely successful television program could be low-fantasy so long as it:


1} Featured the unexpected deaths of protagonists.


2} Had the majority of its budget spent on costumes rather than effects since it’s atmosphere that keeps people engaged with such things.


Imagine my complete lack of surprise and utter sense of loss when Game of Thrones became a global phenomenon.




Three years ago I had the idea to start a video series called “The Dad You Never Had”; meant to aid the innumerable young men that would relate to the title more than words could express.


Imagine my self-criticism when I heard of “Dad, how do I…?” and its success.




This year, I split with the only woman I’d ever dated that kept the majority of promises she made me.


I did so in the hopes that we’d each be able to move in healthier, more positive directions.


Such has manifested for neither of us.




I recently took up gardening – in the midst of all of the chaos – to find purpose while acquiring a new skill.


Only to find everything dead and rotting despite my best efforts.




Increasingly, my friends have been calling me to bemoan the state of things.


I suppose with expectations I’d give them comforting encouragement.


My only response is:


Load your rifle.


It’s the only option now.




Every morning I make my bed.


Every day I focus on the few and little things within my control.


Every night I hear the black dog baying; calling forth my every error, misstep and failure.


An all too familiar cycle.




Ironically, I have myriad messages and memories that prove I’ve helped plenty of men move on to better places in life.


Lately, I find myself wishing—


I could be one of them.



“Hungry for love and it’s feeding time…“

Posted in Uncategorized on May 22, 2020 by A♠





I’ve responded – more than once – to my female critics that, for all of my criticisms leveled at women, I am easily one of the (if not the #1) most compassionate voices towards them in the ‘sphere.


In fact, I’ve even taken flak from men for being so.


Yet I stand my ground.




Understand, I see no point in making enemies where such need not be made.


My goal, in fact, has always been to bring both parties back into harmony (insofar as such is possible).


The reason for my attitude?


The benefits are palpable, being the largest factor.


The other only slightly smaller reason?


Since the Silent Generation in America (people born in the 1930s), men and women have been fed lies.


Sure, they were fewer and further between at the outset.


But, as time moved on, the trough was filled with increasing alacrity and quantity by a glut of deception.




What am I saying here?


That both men and women have been malnourished for decades.


Merely by different means.


Men have been starved.


While women have been given candy, cake, and all sorts of saccharine desserts.


Now, it may seem – at a brief glance – that women have been treated well.


Look again.


A child permitted nothing but ice cream and chocolate is not significantly healthier than one fed scraps and leftovers.


Both will end up deprived, ill and pushed that much closer to an early grave.


Only the symptoms of sickness will differ.




Atrophy versus obesity.


Vitamin deficiency versus diabetes.


Both unsated.


Both constantly craving that which is missing.


Both dying from want.


In short:


The cure isn’t to swap plates.


It’s to change, then balance, what’s on them.




“Can’t close the closet on a shoe-box full of bones”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 9, 2020 by A♠






Perhaps it’s my generation (Gen-X).


Perhaps it’s the fact I had a controlling and overbearing mother and a disinterested father.


Perhaps it’s some combination of the two.


Or maybe it’s simply a weakness within myself, but – for the longest time – I never felt anything I had was really mine.


Regardless of the reason, I always felt my things belonged to my family and I just was begrudgingly permitted to use them.


Even if I paid for them with money I earned and they’d nothing to do with the purchase.




Now, certainly losing everything I couldn’t fit in a duffel-bag upon my fleeing Philadelphia westward was my fault, in the end.


But the fact I never felt truly in possession of my possessions contributed greatly to my error.


Why do I share this extremely shameful facet of my past with you?


For the same reason I share many of my successes and failures:


In the hope it’s useful to someone.


Which brings me to the observation I wish to offer.




I’m not a fan of the word “deserve”.


In many contexts, these days, it conveys (or breeds) a sense of entitlement, ingratitude and possibly selfishness.


Instead, I’ve adopted the term “worthy”.


I don’t deserve nice things.


However, I am worthy of them.


Whether it be time spent at the gym, a better pair of shoes, a cleaner home, et al, I don’t deserve it.


I am worthy of it.


Should, of course, I put forth the effort to acquire such.


In brief, it’s a concept I discussed in my book The Holistic Guide to Suicide:


A person is worthy of investment in themselves.




All too often in the modern world, men believe (via subtext or inculcation) they’re inherently unworthy of pretty much everything but the scraps offered them.


This is extremely destructive and – to my mind – a tremendous cause of self-loathing and depression.


In fact, it prevents them from any type of significant improvement – mental, spiritual or physical.


It’s one thing to think oneself undeserving.


It’s another entirely to imagine oneself unworthy of the fruit of one’s own efforts.


What you build with your blood, sweat and tears is yours, my friends.


Let no one tell you otherwise.


Your efforts crafted your creations and your worthiness, both.




Now, it’s possible you think me engaging in needless semantics.


Maybe I am.


Yet, I’d argue:


Framing is everything.


And the person that has no choice but to live forever in your frame—


Is you.




“…still we close our eyes. Not again.”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 1, 2020 by A♠





Although I generally try to keep this blog steered away from current events while focusing on issues I believe to be more lasting, I felt it necessary to share a portion of the vast amount of research I’ve done regarding the COVID-19 subject.
This is not a coherent post, in and of itself.


Rather, a collection of data which I leave to you, dear reader, to utilize in forming your own conclusions.



To begin:
Docked in NYC, literally the hardest hit area in the USA: “…admit patients within a ONE-HOUR traveling radius from the ship” Treated ~120 patients (COVID & nonCOVID; had room for 500) from 30 MAR to 17 APR; 50 already discharged. Set to leave.

Roads are ostensibly empty (compared to traffic 6 months ago), yet they couldn’t fill the beds even permitting up to an hour drive time in what’s classified as the US epicenter.



In just a few weeks:

Record 30 million people lost their jobs
Billionaires grew $308 billion richer

This is after billionaire wealth grew 200 times faster than median American wealth in the prior three decades

Intended or not, this is the solidification of corporatocracy (as I stated earlier).




Gyms closed

Parks closed

Take out permissible and encouraged

Must stay indoors (severely limited physical activity)



Harvard gets ~$9,000,000 while saying we need to take precautions until 2022










Some studies











US death reporting guidance


From page 2

“In cases where a definite diagnosis of COVID–19 cannot be made, but it is suspected or likely … it is acceptable to report COVID–19 on a death certificate as ‘probable’ or ‘presumed’.”

Money for numbers






“No, don’t sink the boat that you built to keep afloat”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2020 by A♠





Not long ago, a young man in one of my gaming groups called asking for some guidance (unrelated to RPGs).


He’s been dating a young woman recently and, as is to be expected, has developed feelings for her.


However, this has brought him an equal amount of stress as it has joy.


He now finds himself feeling undeserving of the good time he’s been having.


Additionally, he’s frequently struck with the dread of her sudden, inexplicable departure.


She’s given no indication of such happening, he readily admits.


Yet, he still awaits the other shoe to drop.




My response was two-fold and, in the interest of potentially helping others, I’ll share it below:


1} Don’t feel unworthy. Unless she’s with you due to deception or intimidation on your part, then her choices are hers; let her make them. Nothing more need be said.


2} As far as awaiting a heartbreaking ending – think of this as being given a green wristband – with no other markings whatsoever- which permits you to be in an amusement park you really like. It grants you the ability to ride the rides, appreciate the sights and generally just enjoy yourself. The sole downside is that you’ve no idea when the staff will ask you to leave; only they know what duration of visit green bands allow. Understand, also, that green wristband applies to pretty much every relationship – from co-workers to spouses. Things can come to an end at any moment or over any length of time. Whether it’s disagreement or death or a million things in between, life is far less within our control than most care to admit.




Thus, try to be grateful for what you get and appreciate it while you’re there.


Sure, some rides may be disappointing.


Some may be terrifying.


Some may be breathtaking.


But – for better or worse—


None of them will last forever.


“No horse ever ran as fast as the money that you bet…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 12, 2020 by A♠






More than seven years ago, I wrote of my vehement dislike of a saying that was making the rounds of the ‘sphere.


As time has passed, my work seems just as true – if not more so – now as it did way back then.


In fact, like wine, it appears to have aged to a particularly rich vintage.


Now that I’m well into my 40’s, I notice with blinding intensity that relationships are very much ruled by fear.


To be clear, I make no comment on the good or ill of the fact.


Merely that it is so.




When I was in my 20s, I had a male friend that said he had to be married by 30.


He was terrified of being alone in his journey after that particular milestone.


He, indeed, married by then.


And has been incredibly miserable since.


“My life has gone from eating ice cream to chewing ice”, were his exact words, when last we spoke.




Additionally, a couple I knew in college have recently reunited.


Easily one of – if not the most – dysfunctional relationships either of them had is now rekindled.


Perhaps things have changed after decades.


It’s certainly possible.


But I suspect it’s little more than the fact a half-century looms large before them both and, given the awful dating market for even the young, it beats nothing.




Am I any different?


Not emotionally.


I’m pushing 50 with few prospects.


I’ve just as many reasons to fear as they.


If not more.


But, as John Wayne said:


“Courage is being afraid and saddling up anyway.”


I absolutely feel the dread.


Yet I refuse to surrender.




Some may say:


“So you’re refusing to settle?


Like the ‘sphere criticizes countless middle-aged women for doing?”


That’s an inaccurate comparison.


I’m by no means expecting a 20 year old, nymphomaniac, lingerie model, heiress to the Jim Beam distillery.


(Look at the requirements stated by many women [yes, NAWALT but…]; my words aren’t as hyperbolic as you’d believe.)


I simply don’t wish to be led into bad decision by a primal instinct.


If I did that with every scary situation, I’d be handwriting this from jail due to my masculine inclination to solve everything with violence.




Some may now say:


“Ha! If all you say is true, why are women generally more prudish rather than less at late stages of the game?”


Easy (no pun intended).


Let’s briefly continue with the violence angle.


Once I break someone’s nose, they’ve no further reason to fear.


In fact, they may even discover they can break my nose.


Similarly, once a man has sex, he’s moved from hopeful to sated.


He may even discover the sex wasn’t worth the hassle.


In short:


The promise is more effective than the application.




If it helps, think of it thusly:


If you owe the credit card company $500, it’s your problem.


If you owe them $50,000, it’s theirs.


What are they going to do then?


Take back the things you bought with their money anyway?


Ok; so it was a free rental.


And if it was consumable, they cannot get it back.


Will they put you jail?


Fraud is a crime; not poor money management.


In fact, it’s why they gave you the card in the first place.


Hoping you were (slightly) bad with money.




In the end, you pay your bill out of fear.


Fear of bad credit.


Fear of being seen as a deadbeat.


Et al.


Of course, I’m certainly not advocating financial malfeasance (or any malfeasance, to be clear).


Merely pointing out that – all too often – fear is more powerful than the punishment that can be meted.




“Got to keep 100; I’ll say it if I done it, don’t give a fuck ’bout how you feel…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 7, 2020 by A♠



It’s that time again.


The ace card, which means I share a bit about myself.


Nothing major, this time.


Simply what I’m doing during this situation in which so many of us find ourselves.


I live on a little more than two acres in a rural part of the USA, so keep that in mind:


1} Shooting – a lot of it, in fact. I set up a range on my property using some old wood, the remnants of a rusty trampoline the previous owners left behind, targets printed by friends at work for free and the empty cans of soda my house-mates and I discard. Admittedly, I’m using a pellet rifle but it’s good practice to keep my skills sharp and hone them further.


2} Starting campfires – quite a few of them. Again, I’ve got land and plenty of trees so, instead of watching Netflix or television or endlessly surfing the ‘net, I sit outside. While there, I practice my fire-building skills, watch the fire crackle and gaze at the stars above.


3} DDP Yoga – it’s an exercise regimen by a former professional wrestler. It’s for folks of any condition so I’m still at the basic level but it’s a good routine to stay active now that I’ve lost access to my gym.


4} The Charles Atlas Bodybuilding Program – I just started this and have no idea how well it works or not but it requires zero equipment and cost me nothing (a friend had the program PDF in his computer archives) so I figure it’s worth a shot.


5} Intermittent Fasting – I do the 16/8, meaning seven days a week I don’t eat for 16 hours and then eat only during the remaining 8 hour window. Doesn’t seem to be working as well as I’d like but I’ll give it a little more time then reassess. Regardless, it keeps me from going through supplies as quickly as I otherwise would.


6} Reading old books on my used Nook – not much more to say than that. I’m reading less than I should (shooting is too much fun) but I’m doing it, regardless.


7} Investigating the Pandemic – recently stopped this. Too few were listening to the facts and it took A LOT of time, so I saw no point. I said all that need be said in a previous post.


8} Calling/emailing friends – No man is an island and I’m certainly no exception. I may be an introvert, but I do love people. Scout’s honor.


9} Cooking – I’m a mediocre cook at best but I’ll be damned if I eat take-out with any regularity. It’s unhealthy, expensive and I prefer to dine out if not eating at home so paying for take-out just seems senseless to me.


10} Writing – Possibly not as much as I should but since I drink and smoke as I do (so I don’t delete everything in a fit of self-loathing and harsh, internal criticism), I’m keeping it to twice a week.


Hope all of my dear readers are well,

Charles Spadille




“So many fellas run they mouth, and so few of them know…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2020 by A♠




As I’ve stated before, one of the best pieces of advice a man can receive is:


“Just be yourself”


As previously stated, a lot of flak gets shot at the statement.


And I’ve addressed the fact that I disagree with most of its detractors.


Along with exactly why that is.


Yet, I’ve neglected to mention the benefits of such.




The benefits are threefold:


1} Your odds are much better finding a gal to complement you if you let her know exactly what she should match. If you keep giving someone the wrong combination, you’re a fool to be surprised when they can’t open the safe.


2} As first revealed to me by the inestimable Peter Steele – “It’s better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you’re not.” The more honest a man is about his desires, his goals and his needs, the more likely any woman he finds will be able to meet, support and fulfill them. Don’t believe me? Next time your car breaks down, ask someone to repair your refrigerator. Then call me and let me know how that car of yours is running. The absurd situation I mention is exactly the same as playing relationship Three-card Monte. She can’t find – and fulfill – your needs if you keep her eyes focused in the wrong place.


3} Honesty is the armor of relationships – romantic and otherwise. Sure, it’ll repel some (if you’re me, many, in fact). But that’s a feature, not a bug. Some will leave. Distressing, in the short-run, but nature abhors a vacuum. Someone will come along and fill it. It may take time but, then, anything worth having does.



Now, understand – like pretty much everything I say – this takes work; it’s a hard road to hoe and will come with no small amount of heartache.


But the end result will be sweeter than you’d guess.




“You’re just hanging out in flesh and bone…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 28, 2020 by A♠





On the matter of the “Coronavirus”:


Why are we panicking?


Have you ever been stopped at red traffic light, then have it turn green only to notice the person stopped next to you didn’t go?


Sure you have.


And what did you do?


If you’re like literally everyone else, you didn’t go either.


You assumed that person has knowledge you do not.


Oddly enough, the first human assumption is neither “Maybe I know something they don’t” nor is it “Perhaps they’ve a motivation for their decision that I do not or doesn’t apply to me”.


Governments and societies are no different.


They are simply many people making the same mistakes individuals do – only on a much larger scale.


And, frankly, now that women run most of the world, it’s not really surprising that panic erupts over so small an issue. Small, I say. I’ll discuss why I believe that is below.




Although, that said, I’ll state now that much of this isn’t panic.


It’s hope.


This is the disease everyone wants.


The Left wants it to defeat “Drumph”.


The Right wants it to destroy open borders.


Big business wants it to destroy small business. It’s basically inverse predatory pricing. You force everyone to take massive losses knowing full well you’re the only one that can endure them. Afterwards, you’ll be even stronger by absorbing all the losers’ markets.


Women want it to destroy the workplace – because they realize they’ve been sold a bad bill of goods; that working outside the home is not empowering or liberating. It’s just shitty.


Men want it to destroy the workplace – because they have always known working outside the home is not empowering or liberating. It’s just shitty.


The few men and women that like their jobs want this to destroy their commute. So this let’s them add free time to their day by staying home to do it.


And preppers want it to destroy everything.


As I said:


It’s the disease everyone wants.


It’s intellectual “bug-chasing”.


In short, this is a scam.


And, like all scams, everyone is guilty.


The seller tells someone what they want to hear.


And the buyer agrees to ignore it’s too good to be true.




This began with:


Italy is a fate we must avoid.




We needn’t do much to achieve that result.


Why should we consider Italy an outlier?


They’re the 22nd most densely populated country in the world; the fourth most densely populated on the European continent.


Along with that, comes a few other reasons.


It’s the fifth most popular country for tourists to visit in the world.


According to its 2011 census it had a population of 59,433,744.


In 2018, it had 63.2 million tourists hit its shores.


That’s more visitors from across the globe than inhabitants.


That means more people visited in one year than they had living there.


Their entire country is merely 301,340 km2 (116,350 sq mi).


It’s fifth in the world for life expectancy which means it has the largest senior population in Europe at ~22%.


Also, they have a culture that very much relies on close, personal contact.


Frankly, it’s a miracle that such a thing didn’t happen sooner, and kill a much larger segment of the populace.



What about the numbers in the USA?


As of a 2007 study, there are ~535,000 illegal (“undocumented”) persons in New York City of which 23% are Asian.


Equating to ~134,550 potentially illegal (undocumented) persons that never underwent any type of health screen prior to crossing the US border whatsoever.


If we simply eliminate NY and NJ (whose hardest hit areas are effectively NYC suburbs) the US numbers immediately drop by ~52%.


Would this situation be even remotely concerning if this drop occurred?


I’ve been monitoring the situation for a week and that breakdown has yet to change in any way.


Also, in my monitoring, I notice that they’ve stopped giving details as to the conditions of the infected (especially those that supposedly died from this virus).


In brief, up to that point, everyone under the age of 70 (I spent hours reading them) had significant factors that compromised their health.


The top five compromising factors (in order of severity) are

Cardiovascular Disease
Chronic Respiratory Disease


So did the virus kill them or not?


A cascade effect occurs.


If I have cancer yet get hit by a bus and fail to recover from my injuries, did the cancer kill me or did the bus?


The question of the matter is what’s called “disease-specific mortality”.


And we’ve no solid data as to that number.




Even if we discount that point, among 80+ year olds, six out of seven that get this virus survive.


80% of all infected persons suffer only minor symptoms.


The best guess at disease specific mortality then under the age of 60 is roughly .46% [not accounting for a lack of pre-existing conditions which will actually lower that number]



The claim is that it’s 3% across the board but we’ve nowhere near enough accurate data to assert that.


It’s a shot in the dark from numerous sources of (dubious) reliability.




Regardless, all this is to say:


We’re enduring the results of a conspiracy.


I assert it’s an unconscious one.


Also, a terrible, world-changing virus could very easily exist and do tremendous damage thus warranting the measures we’re suffering – and more!


But this isn’t it.


As an aside:


4,636 people died of the flu (not counting pneumonia) in the USA alone during first 10 weeks of 2020, more than 100 of whom were children/infants [COVID-19, as of this writing, has killed exactly 0 persons aged 0-9 in the USA].


And everyone continued as they always do.



Some sources:






“How Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg sees the current Corona pandemic” (youtube)

“Lungenfacharzt Wolfgang Wodarg spricht jetzt LIVE über die Auswirkungen des Corona Virus Frontal21” (youtube)

Rational skepticism or quackery? — Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg’s take on ‘the corona panic’

Dr Joel Kettner, professor of Community Health Sciences and Surgery at Manitoba University, former Chief Public Health Officer for Manitoba province and Medical Director of the International Centre for Infectious Disease