“God on my side and a gun in my hand, chasing my days down to zero…”

A♠

 

 

 
Well, attentive readers, it’s the ace card.

 

The final, in fact.

 

And you know what that means.

 

 

 

My oath of a post a week is complete.

 

I’m proud to say I did exactly what I said I would.

 

As far as I’m concerned:

 

That’s a serious accomplishment.

 

 

 

See, this section of the ‘net ended up getting a serious rep for being “all hat and no cattle”, as my Texan friends would say.

 

So I do my damnedest to be different.

 

To complicate matters, I don’t skillfully craft crass humor that shocks people into attentiveness.

 

I don’t pen countless portmanteaus in scathing attacks on the status quo.

 

And obviously don’t pay Fiverr workers to crib other blogs then post them to mine.

 

Oddly enough, I’m different because I’m just a man.

 

 

 

I’m just a man that’s made more mistakes than a dyslexic in a speed-reading competition.

 

I’m just a man that had his heart broken so often and savagely that the pieces had to melted down and reforged, rather than glued back together.

 

I’m just a man that makes a serious effort to answer every comment, call and email.

 

A man that helps guys getting out of jail.

 

Guys close to suicide.

 

Guys trying to figure out a world cloaked in deceit and duplicity.

 

Folks told to find the cookie in the corner of round room.

 

 

 

You know, it’s funny.

 

I think I’ve saved more people since they took my badge and gun than I ever did while I had them.

 

Which is even more impressive when I stop to consider these demons are infinitely more dangerous.

 

Most crooks will only rob or, even less likely, kill you.

 

The fiends we fight here will get you to send your own soul to Hell.

 

 

 

No, I didn’t save the world.

 

But I believe I’ve done my part, if not more.

 

Now, I won’t promise another 52 for 2019.

 

But I’ll try my damnedest to do it, nonetheless.

 

 

 

So pour yourself a drink (non-alcoholic, if necessary).

 

And, if you’d be so kind:

 

Toast my health.

 

Drink to the fellow that didn’t stand miles behind the line, barking orders.

 

The fellow that stood shoulder to shoulder with you in the trench.

 

The fellow that looked you in the eye as he blew the whistle to go over the top.

 

And made damn sure he was a step ahead of you charging the enemy so you were absolutely, positively, indisputably certain—

 

You weren’t doing it alone.

 

A♠

“Pay no mind to the battles you’ve won…”

K♠

 

 

Even your losses will become victories.

 

I promise you.

 

Truly.

 

Most in this arena write regarding young men and their desires.

 

I’ve no issue with that fact since young men are in dire need of guidance in any era, especially ours.

 

But I resist confinement of topics.

 

 

 

No boy remains young.

 

No man remains immortal.

 

Everything passes.

 

So permit me, please, to reiterate:

 

Even your losses will become victories.

 

Should you choose to examine things carefully.

 

 

 

The women that rejected you will not haunt your nights decades later.

 

You tried to win them.

 

Their rejections were merely stones in the river, slightly altering its course.

 

They did not cease its flow.

 

The tests you failed taught you lessons.

 

They did not end your education.

 

The suffering you endured did not stop your journey.

 

It simply caused you to watch your step more closely.

 

 

 

I solemnly assure you:

 

Failed efforts – as a man’s life edges ever closer to its end – hurt nowhere near as much as the memory of unmade attempts.

 

No, there is no end to risk and pain in this life.

 

Yet, there needn’t be an end to meaning, either.

 

The oubliette in which you find yourself is cold, dark and claustrophobic.

 

Yet, the fingers bloodied and numbed by scratching at the walls fail to tactilely reveal:

 

The key to escape is in your ensanguined hand.

 

It’s your choice.

 

It always has been.

 

That’s what I’ve telling you—

 

All these years.

 

 

K♠

“I can easily understand how you could easily take my man but you don’t know what he means to me…”

Q♠

 

 

 

 
Women do not think as men do.

 

Their biology – and there subsequent biological destiny – precludes such.

 

I can’t possibly say it any more clearly.

 

Yet it amazes me how many men – when everything boils down – still believe they do.

 

 

 

Sure, those men say otherwise.

 

But they’re lying – to me, themselves or both.

 

Since I’m on the topic, allow me to delineate some things many (most?) men fail to even consider:

 

1} Women can often be solipsistic – fact. But the root of this is a feature, not a bug. Recall that tens of thousands of years of existence bestowed upon them the responsibility of being primary caregivers for infants. Women believe (consciously or subconsciously) the universe revolves around them because – for the aforementioned children – it literally does. Angst, comfort, life, death are all in the babe’s mother’s hands. Thus, believing “it’s all about her” (to a point) is actually a boon in the survival department.

 

2} This previous condition causes women to be staggeringly (to men able to witness such) self-critical. Everything is internalized and (possibly over) analyzed. Most men have no idea how often – and how vociferously – women blame themselves for things that occur. It’s why abusive men are extraordinarily dangerous to reasonably healthy women and why the women are so easily trapped by those men. Ignorant (and I don’t mean that in the pejorative sense) men hear women blaming others but fail to understand that such rants are, more frequently than not, just theater. Those women, alone in the dark, often reduce themselves to pools of self-loathing.

 

3} Men operate under the impression that women weather break-ups with little to no effort; that they navigate the pain and heartache as if that particular duo of anguish is entirely absent. This is true in many cases, yes. But what most men fail to see are the times when the “right” man leaves. Those times are utterly devastating. Keep this brutal, unpleasant and certainly politically incorrect reality in mind: women are far more easily replaced than men. This is not misogyny; it’s basic economics. Men have comparatively few demands. Physical beauty, (relative) youth and an agreeable nature. Anything more is gravy. Women, on the other hand, have innumerable and myriad criteria to be met. Thus, even in a reasonably healthy society, 100% of men would be content with 80% of women while 100% of women would be Truly content with only 20% of men. Alternately phrased in brief: the more requirements a position has, the harder it is to fill it. In light of all of the above, it’s no wonder women constantly act to undermine one another. Even those they sometimes call friends.

 

 
For those readers that still fail to grasp what I’m saying, I’ll make it as easily digestible as I can:

 

Men mainly ask “Does she have nice eyes/tits/legs/[personal preference] , is she sweet and will she not nag me into the grave?”

 

While women ask “Does he have ambition but not so much I’ll never see him, does he have a sense of humor but not act like a clown, will he make me laugh, will he make me cry (I want both but in a good way), will he frustrate me, will he please me (but not too much), will he listen (but not too much), will he be confident but not arrogant, will he be assertive but not domineering, will he be dominant but not abusive, will he fight with me but not physically/emotionally crush me, will he disagree but not belittle me, [ad infinitum]…”

 

 

 

Understand there is nothing wrong with the priorities of either sex.

 

They are what they are for reasons as old – and as enduring – as life itself.

 

And realize: under even the best conditions, which is harder locate?

 

To win?

 

Most of all, to keep?

 

Now, had you such a long list of necessities, how hard, how dirty, how desperately would you fight to meet them?

 

Q♠

“I know I can share it if you want me to; if you’re going my way, I’ll go with you…”

J♠

 

 

 

 

While the negative effects of modernity on men in this day and age are widely discussed, there’s an issue I’m noticing with increasing frequency.

 

It’s certainly come to my attention more in recent months than I’ve seen mentioned in the past few years.

 

That issue is the lack of friends/camaraderie.

 

 

 

As I write this, I find it bitterly amusing, to be perfectly honest.

 

Our section of the internet has offered advice on dating, pick-up, weight-training, money-making along with myriad other endeavors but I truly can’t recall anything being said about simply finding a fellow join you for a beer.

 

I suppose it could simply be taken for granted.

 

Much is, no doubt.

 

But, as I’ve said many times before:

 

I’ve learned – and it was a hard yet worthwhile lesson – to take nothing for granted.

 

Or perhaps counseling men towards building relationships with one another is viewed as a push toward homosexuality.

 

Anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear knows that male friendship is twisted and corrupted in countless films, television programs, books, et al.

 

For some reason, in 21st century pop-culture, the trend is to show men can only fight or fuck one-another.

 

Whether this is by design or simply a vile spontaneity, I don’t care to investigate at the moment.

 

Regardless, a dearth of friends is a pitfall worse than most suspect.

 

 

 

For reasons I’ve discussed in previous posts and in one of my books, I consider the aforementioned state the most dangerous condition afflicting men these days (and that’s saying quite a bit).

 

Thus, I’ll offer my thoughts on how overcome the problem for its sufferers.

 

A} I recommend you read Robert Glover’s ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’. It’s an excellent work on how to start clearly communicating with those in one’s life and drawing healthy boundaries for oneself.

 

B} After reading and practicing the treatment offered therein until you feel comfortable establishing personal boundaries in a reasonable way, read ‘How To Win Friends and Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic for a reason. Be careful not to rush into it, however. Boundaries are critical. Also, reading these in the reverse order will cause/create otherwise easily avoided problems of a potentially large degree. I know; I read them in the reverse [read: bad] order.

 

As far as my own personal suggestions for action go, I offer them now:

 

1} Have a realistic goal. Don’t expect to be best friends after exchanging two sentences. Let things build on their own. On the other hand, don’t enter into every acquaintanceship expecting the other person will be an asshole, betray you or both.

 

2} Understand someone in the formula must move first. Someone must risk being hurt or rebuffed. Most of all, understand that someone must be you. The ‘sphere says expecting women to make the first move is a terrible idea. I add, as far as friendship goes: expecting men to make the first move isn’t much better. Everyone has walls. There are men that read my blog for literally years before even commenting, let alone building a (telephonic/IRL) friendship. Realize that’s with the protection of anonymity and digital barriers. Real life is quintuplely so.

 

3} Do your utmost to balance your openness. Share as appropriate; conceal as appropriate. Few build strong friendships with those who respond purely monosyllabically yet few want to be drenched in emotional vomit by a social bulimic. The first gives nothing for someone to latch onto while the second gives nothing but a mess to wash off.

 

4} Build separate friends groups. One set are drinking buddies; the second are golfing/gaming/fishing/et al pals; third are acquaintances through work, school, et al. Once built, keep them separate. Should one fall apart, you’ve others to keep you sane. If you learn no other lesson in all this – learn this one.

 

5} As a general rule: don’t befriend women. Biology is too powerful a siren-song. If she’s even moderately attractive, it’s likely you’ll want to fuck her, thus fuck it all up. Of course, there are cases where a man can make it work. But it’s far more likely to happen (if healthy) as a fortunate accident rather than through any actual effort.

 

 

Whether you choose to use my suggestions or not:

 

I wish you much success in building a healthy social circle.

 

It’s a castle that provides refuge, respite and resilience beyond measure.

 

 

J♠

“Hoping that he’s bent for more than arguments and failed attempts to fly…”

10♠

 

 

 

 
I share the following email regarding my book ‘The Holistic Guide to Suicide’ because I believe the message says a handful of things that may prompt other men to give my work a chance they may otherwise forgo offering it.

 

My sincerest thanks to the author for his permission to share it in its entirety.

 

Hi Charles,

I appreciate the care you have shown me in sending me your book. Perhaps it would please you to know that I have already read it one and a half times already. There is a lot of useful wisdom found within, and fresh perspectives worth pondering. I will certainly consider its finer details for the foreseeable future, and continue to use it as a reference for navigating personal troubles.

Seeing as you spent a great deal of effort to write this book, I feel it would be fitting to provide some personal feedback, to let you know how I have interpreted your work and share with you my opinion on it, for what it’s worth. Seeing as it would be my pleasure to do so, I have written a somewhat lengthy response:

It is somewhat interesting that I finally decided to purchase and read your book when I did. After all, I first became aware of it about a year or two ago after discovering your blog, which I visit from time to time when I want to some insight into life that I can’t find elsewhere. I believe the reason I decided to finally get your book, was a matter of necessity and courage. In all honesty, I am not a happy person, and this cloud of depression has left me essentially friendless and in limbo in a world that I find increasingly hard to make sense of. I needed outside help, and judging by the quality of your blog (which is unequaled in insight in my humble opinion) your book looked like a promising information source.

Many points you make in the book about how modern life is a combination of comfort and helplessness strongly resonated with me, and your explanation for personal anxiety on a societal level is spot on, in my opinion. Issues surrounding pride, and viewing suicide as a way to maintain honor in the face of social ostracism, hit far too close to home.

My initial hesitancy to read your book, despite its admittedly alluring title, was out of fear I might learn something about myself that could push me over the edge; a concern that reading yet another manual of platitudes would convince me that there really were no genuine coping strategies for suicidal ideation and feelings of worthlessness, thereby exacerbating them to a terminal degree.

I see now that hesitation was misplaced. I believe your coping strategies are both poignant, and valid. Where you mention that over 80+ countries have no death penalty for any crime, reminds us no matter how large our perceived failings, we do not deserve to die for them. More importantly, if suicide is over a question of honor, who in this broken world deserves to be the judge of our own execution, let alone judge ourselves so harshly?

I am no stranger to suicide. I had a close boyhood friend who committed suicide about ten years ago when I was a college freshman. His case was a feeling of shame, inadequacy and depression caused by incurable childhood diabetes, which had progressively worsened his health. His suicide note mentioned he didn’t want to be a burden any longer. How many people feel this way? I certainly do sometimes, as I do not live up to expectations. But you got me thinking for the first time… where do these expectations come from? I know mine are external to myself, from an overbearing father, or jealousy of successful peers..

I had another friend, whose father killed himself by overdosing on pills. His shame of being divorced, separated from his kids, and appearing as a failure, motivated him to take his own life. Yet if he could see the absence his passing left on his son, and its everlasting effects, would he have still done it? You said that suicide is surrender, because it doesn’t solve any of the problems, it just prevents you from seeing them. I think this understanding creates resolve, and determination to do everything we can to change our situations for the better. I will certainly share this advice.

Lastly, as men, I feel we are told it is basically unacceptable to voice feelings of inadequacy out of fear of social ostracism. Yet when we are truly vulnerable, we need comradeship more than anything. Yet as the years go by, my friends have moved or drifted away without explanation, almost as if I’m living in a Twilight Episode and the script is my life. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, only that I once had lots of friends and was happy, and now I have no one to confide in. I so dearly wish to have brotherhood, but I just can’t figure out how to fit in. I wish I still was close with my childhood friends. Their intentional distancing pains me the most, and I don’t know really pushed who away. I bring this up, because you say we need to acknowledge our desperation, yet I feel if I do so, I will be worse of than before because I’ll be ostracized (at the very least privately) for my weakness. Yet for how many have so felt like I’ve been underwater, desperate for an outlet, just to scream at people and beg for an explanation, anything to rectify the situation.

There is much more I could say and discuss about this book, and I would be glad to do so. I will continue to reread it and let its contents digest in my mind, so to speak. If it was wrong of me to reveal too much about myself, I don’t mean to apologize, as apologizing doesn’t justify bad behavior. But I told you what I did because, even though I don’t know you at all, what you write in your book and on your blog, resonates with me, and if anyone could make good things from what I’ve said, it would be you. Thank you for the book, and for your time. I will continue to eagerly follow your blog and try to figure out this thing we call life.

Sincerely,

Jeremy

 

10♠