Archive for March, 2020

“So many fellas run they mouth, and so few of them know…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 31, 2020 by A♠




As I’ve stated before, one of the best pieces of advice a man can receive is:


“Just be yourself”


As previously stated, a lot of flak gets shot at the statement.


And I’ve addressed the fact that I disagree with most of its detractors.


Along with exactly why that is.


Yet, I’ve neglected to mention the benefits of such.




The benefits are threefold:


1} Your odds are much better finding a gal to complement you if you let her know exactly what she should match. If you keep giving someone the wrong combination, you’re a fool to be surprised when they can’t open the safe.


2} As first revealed to me by the inestimable Peter Steele – “It’s better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you’re not.” The more honest a man is about his desires, his goals and his needs, the more likely any woman he finds will be able to meet, support and fulfill them. Don’t believe me? Next time your car breaks down, ask someone to repair your refrigerator. Then call me and let me know how that car of yours is running. The absurd situation I mention is exactly the same as playing relationship Three-card Monte. She can’t find – and fulfill – your needs if you keep her eyes focused in the wrong place.


3} Honesty is the armor of relationships – romantic and otherwise. Sure, it’ll repel some (if you’re me, many, in fact). But that’s a feature, not a bug. Some will leave. Distressing, in the short-run, but nature abhors a vacuum. Someone will come along and fill it. It may take time but, then, anything worth having does.



Now, understand – like pretty much everything I say – this takes work; it’s a hard road to hoe and will come with no small amount of heartache.


But the end result will be sweeter than you’d guess.




“You’re just hanging out in flesh and bone…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 28, 2020 by A♠





On the matter of the “Coronavirus”:


Why are we panicking?


Have you ever been stopped at red traffic light, then have it turn green only to notice the person stopped next to you didn’t go?


Sure you have.


And what did you do?


If you’re like literally everyone else, you didn’t go either.


You assumed that person has knowledge you do not.


Oddly enough, the first human assumption is neither “Maybe I know something they don’t” nor is it “Perhaps they’ve a motivation for their decision that I do not or doesn’t apply to me”.


Governments and societies are no different.


They are simply many people making the same mistakes individuals do – only on a much larger scale.


And, frankly, now that women run most of the world, it’s not really surprising that panic erupts over so small an issue. Small, I say. I’ll discuss why I believe that is below.




Although, that said, I’ll state now that much of this isn’t panic.


It’s hope.


This is the disease everyone wants.


The Left wants it to defeat “Drumph”.


The Right wants it to destroy open borders.


Big business wants it to destroy small business. It’s basically inverse predatory pricing. You force everyone to take massive losses knowing full well you’re the only one that can endure them. Afterwards, you’ll be even stronger by absorbing all the losers’ markets.


Women want it to destroy the workplace – because they realize they’ve been sold a bad bill of goods; that working outside the home is not empowering or liberating. It’s just shitty.


Men want it to destroy the workplace – because they have always known working outside the home is not empowering or liberating. It’s just shitty.


The few men and women that like their jobs want this to destroy their commute. So this let’s them add free time to their day by staying home to do it.


And preppers want it to destroy everything.


As I said:


It’s the disease everyone wants.


It’s intellectual “bug-chasing”.


In short, this is a scam.


And, like all scams, everyone is guilty.


The seller tells someone what they want to hear.


And the buyer agrees to ignore it’s too good to be true.




This began with:


Italy is a fate we must avoid.




We needn’t do much to achieve that result.


Why should we consider Italy an outlier?


They’re the 22nd most densely populated country in the world; the fourth most densely populated on the European continent.


Along with that, comes a few other reasons.


It’s the fifth most popular country for tourists to visit in the world.


According to its 2011 census it had a population of 59,433,744.


In 2018, it had 63.2 million tourists hit its shores.


That’s more visitors from across the globe than inhabitants.


That means more people visited in one year than they had living there.


Their entire country is merely 301,340 km2 (116,350 sq mi).


It’s fifth in the world for life expectancy which means it has the largest senior population in Europe at ~22%.


Also, they have a culture that very much relies on close, personal contact.


Frankly, it’s a miracle that such a thing didn’t happen sooner, and kill a much larger segment of the populace.



What about the numbers in the USA?


As of a 2007 study, there are ~535,000 illegal (“undocumented”) persons in New York City of which 23% are Asian.


Equating to ~134,550 potentially illegal (undocumented) persons that never underwent any type of health screen prior to crossing the US border whatsoever.


If we simply eliminate NY and NJ (whose hardest hit areas are effectively NYC suburbs) the US numbers immediately drop by ~52%.


Would this situation be even remotely concerning if this drop occurred?


I’ve been monitoring the situation for a week and that breakdown has yet to change in any way.


Also, in my monitoring, I notice that they’ve stopped giving details as to the conditions of the infected (especially those that supposedly died from this virus).


In brief, up to that point, everyone under the age of 70 (I spent hours reading them) had significant factors that compromised their health.


The top five compromising factors (in order of severity) are

Cardiovascular Disease
Chronic Respiratory Disease


So did the virus kill them or not?


A cascade effect occurs.


If I have cancer yet get hit by a bus and fail to recover from my injuries, did the cancer kill me or did the bus?


The question of the matter is what’s called “disease-specific mortality”.


And we’ve no solid data as to that number.




Even if we discount that point, among 80+ year olds, six out of seven that get this virus survive.


80% of all infected persons suffer only minor symptoms.


The best guess at disease specific mortality then under the age of 60 is roughly .46% [not accounting for a lack of pre-existing conditions which will actually lower that number]



The claim is that it’s 3% across the board but we’ve nowhere near enough accurate data to assert that.


It’s a shot in the dark from numerous sources of (dubious) reliability.




Regardless, all this is to say:


We’re enduring the results of a conspiracy.


I assert it’s an unconscious one.


Also, a terrible, world-changing virus could very easily exist and do tremendous damage thus warranting the measures we’re suffering – and more!


But this isn’t it.


As an aside:


4,636 people died of the flu (not counting pneumonia) in the USA alone during first 10 weeks of 2020, more than 100 of whom were children/infants [COVID-19, as of this writing, has killed exactly 0 persons aged 0-9 in the USA].


And everyone continued as they always do.



Some sources:


“How Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg sees the current Corona pandemic” (youtube)

“Lungenfacharzt Wolfgang Wodarg spricht jetzt LIVE über die Auswirkungen des Corona Virus Frontal21” (youtube)

Rational skepticism or quackery? — Dr. Wolfgang Wodarg’s take on ‘the corona panic’

Dr Joel Kettner, professor of Community Health Sciences and Surgery at Manitoba University, former Chief Public Health Officer for Manitoba province and Medical Director of the International Centre for Infectious Disease


“It’s been the ruin of many a poor boy and, God, I know I’m one.”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 22, 2020 by A♠





Reader Benm writes:


“Glad to see you’re back, always get good insights from your posts. And truths I should stop avoiding if I’m honest.”


Thanks, Ben.


In reply, I admitted I make the same mistake (avoiding certain truths).


So here’s some elucidation to that confession.




I couldn’t tell you where or when I first heard the phrase.


I’m sure it’s just one of those maxims that’s made the rounds.


Gets bandied about.


Touted with some verve.


Then conveniently forgotten.


I’m no exception.




What maxim is that, the attentive reader asks?


“How you find them is how you lose them.”


Whew, lads, is that the truth that I’ve denied more than once.


No doubt, I’m in good company.


Understand, it’s only human for a man to think he’s special.


To believe he’s found someone that’s willing to break the rules; forgo convention; take risks, all to be with him.


In fact, not only is it human – it’s a tremendous ego boost.


However, that’s yet to be the case.


At least, in my personal experience.




Thus far – sans exception – any gal that’s done such a thing for me has done such a thing to me.


It’s a bag of broken glass, into which I’ve reached more than once, hoping to find the diamond at the bottom.


Only to discover – thus far – there’s none to be had.


See, a man gets so wrapped up in thinking he’s triumphed over the competition – consciously or unconsciously – in the mating game of musical chairs, that he slows to take in the beauty of the song.


Realizing, too late, there’s a few more bars of music to go.


And the other contestants are still going at full speed.




Why do folks – men and women, alike – do this to each other?


I couldn’t really say.


Maybe it’s the need for security.


They’ve got to know they’ve always got someone available to them.


Maybe it’s the need for validation.


They’ve got to know they’ve always got someone desiring them.


Maybe it’s simply a thrill.


I’m sure the reasons for the game are as varied as the personalities of those that play it.




What I can tell you is this:


When it happens to you, the betrayal isn’t the greatest agony.


It’s confirmation that you aren’t remotely special.


That it’s a game you shouldn’t have played.


That you didn’t stop a crime—


You helped commit one.



“Put a bounty on my head, tell my parents that I’m dead and hope to Hell I’m never found…”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 18, 2020 by A♠







If you’re one of many folks that liked or commented on my open letter posted months ago:


Thank you.


Truly and deeply.


You’re the men that keep me writing.




Since I’m technically behind this year and – given circumstances in the world, at the moment – I thought I’d give you all something to read to express my humble gratitude for your loyalty.




The back-story:


Years ago, I met a female private-eye on Twitter.


We’ve had a cordial internet acquaintanceship for years, so when she asked me to help her return to writing (a hobby she used to enjoy a while back) I was happy to help.


Not only because she’s been friendly (and indulgent given my sexist work), but because I enjoyed receiving the opportunity to stretch my creative muscles.


So I posited a story in which we met (we’ve never actually met in person, to this very day) and began a professional relationship.


She showed me hers; I showed her mine.


I can’t share hers, simply because it’s not mine to share.


But I offer mine in hopes you’ll have as much fun reading it as I did writing it.


My best to you all,




Lavender & Brimstone

I tell her, “You know, a woman in a man’s profession winds up there because she feels she has something to prove.”

I say it like I was reciting a weather report that called for rain in Seattle. Both are time-proven, well-worn facts to me.

She’s shooting whiskey so cheap I can smell it from across the table and she’s chasing it with a beer your uncle that’s quit drinking four times now would likely pass up. What is it with women and self-abuse? Regardless, I’m kinda shocked at her reply to my incendiary statement. She’s neither laughing nor pouting – not that I expected a laugh, mind you. Instead, she just stares at me over the rim of her glasses for a heartbeat or two. Her furrowed brow and flashing eyes show me she’s a bit peeved, though. Good. Now I’m on her radar.

“You’re probably right about that”, she replies.

Her words reveal her anger even less than her eyes do. She’s used to dealing with people. Jerks like me, definitely. This confirms my instincts; I chose the right one but I push just an inch more to see if she takes the bait.

I toss “I know I am” out there, keeping it perfectly neutral; in tune with the opener that started all of this.

Actually, I push an inch more because she doesn’t make any sense. No, she’s not speaking in tongues or jabbering in some psychotic fugue state. I mean she doesn’t belong here. And I don’t mean “here” as in this bar, necessarily.
Yeah, the bar is awful. Back when I made serious coin I ate at restaurants with more appealing dumpsters than this joint; what with its cracked, wooden paneling and booths upholstered with pleather slightly less clean than a bus floor. Worse still, the place was old. Not “charmingly antiquated” or “classic”; hobo living on a steam vent old. The basement this bar infests must predate the city that’s forced to admit it surrounds both. I’m sure its wiring was done by H.R. Giger; exposed sockets, fixtures and wires gave it all a ghastly, retro-techno-horror vibe. I suspect someone’s been bribing or blowing the inspections personnel. The funniest part of it all is that an owner somewhere in its sordid history seemed to try to spruce the place up; figurines, framed pictures and posters line the walls. Sadly, they only made the place even more depressing, like looking at a high school yearbook and remembering how svelte you were then or how much more hair you had. However, as I said, I didn’t mean the bar. I meant she didn’t make sense because she was a pretty girl in an ugly world.
Her skin was clear and light; looking as soft as my favorite pillow and as smooth as saxophone solo, not that I’d touched it. She didn’t come to places like this without knowing how to handle grabby hands, I’m dead sure. Her eyes were a blend of light and shade; windows to a soul that couldn’t decide if it belonged north or south of this dismal purgatory in which we found ourselves. Her lips seemed to be the type that, if they smiled, would be like the sun breaking through the clouds above a Saint’s head in a religious painting. Maybe that’s just the Roman Catholic kid in me. Most of all it was the way she carried herself; as if she’s trying to forget she’s a woman yet remains steadfastly determined to fail in the attempt. Senseless.

“So are you here to blow my mind with your insights or was there something else you wanted to discuss?” she asks with a bit feistiness. But just a bit.

“We don’t have to talk for me to blow your mind”, I retort.

I keep it deadpan; let her take it the wrong way. It’ll make the reaction that’s due in a minute that much sweeter. I smirk at the thought.

“Yeah, okay. I think you mentioned you need help finding someone. Still looking?”

The beleaguered tone in that “yeah, okay” tells me she took it exactly the wrong way. Perfect.
I reach under the table, grab the paper shopping bag I brought with me then put it on the table. I make sure to pick my whiskey up, first, of course and sip it; nodding towards the bag. I make sure to push it damn near under her chin, fully across the table. I don’t want her thinking I’m going to paw at her.
For the first time since we met, she seems genuinely intrigued. I can read folks just as well as she can. Plus, I knew this would draw the curious cat out of this particular investigative kitten.

“Open it”, I tell her. More like a spouse giving a gift than an officer barking orders. “You know you want to. Or are you afraid curiosity will kill the cat?”

“I hate cats”, she firmly states. “I like birds.”

I told you this chick made no sense.

Expecting some lascivious take on her revelation – I imagine – she immediately adds “Parrots, specifically.”

“Just open the bag.”, I order with a hint of exasperation.

She does. Her eyes widen damn near the size of the lenses in her glasses. I’m unsure if the cause is the $15,000 in cash or the pistol. Maybe it’s both. Regardless, the reaction is everything I’d hoped it would be.

“I told you we don’t have to talk for me to blow your mind. Now, about my missing friend…”



“They’re neither moral nor majority”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 16, 2020 by A♠




I normally try to avoid trendy topics, but in this instance I’ll make an exception.


Actually, I’ll make an exception within an exception by giving actionable advice.


While most will be pumping even more mind-numbing Netflix and other forms of nigh-on-satanic digital heroin into their nervous systems in the coming weeks, I offer alternatives – because I, unlike them, care about you.




Thus, in the wake of what is now considered a pandemic, permit me to give some (unrequested) actionable advice should quarantines progress in stringency:


1} Unplug your television. You don’t need to break it or perform any expensive, iconoclastic-signaling nonsense such as that, but unplug it. Make it that much harder for you to watch it; render it more difficult for you to turn it on in favor of other – more productive – activities.


2} Go clean out your car and perform basic maintenance. Wherever it’s parked is very likely to be more than six feet from people so you won’t catch anything except the trash collection that’s been proliferating on your floorboards for quite some time.


3} Don’t have a car (or even if you do)? Clean your place. Don’t lie; you live somewhere. Vacuum; wash the windows; sweep; mop. You may be stuck there a while so make confinement that much more pleasant.


4} Do bodyweight exercises; yoga; stretches; walk around your yard (if you have some land). There’s exactly zero reasons you can’t go online and create a complete routine to do three or more times a week for 45 minutes each time.


5} Start writing emails. Contact folks you feel would be good candidates for reconnection or solidify friendships you already have. Germs won’t be transmitted thusly.


6} Learn a few crock pot/slow cooker recipes. If you don’t have one, go buy one while you can. Broke? Try thrift stores. You’ll be amazed how healthy you can eat on very little money and on meager supplies.


7} Make use of 24 hour stores in your area. If you work 9/5, nap if you must, but shop at 0200 regardless. Should you acclimate yourself to a weekly trip, I promise you’ll never go back to your old ways of shopping.


8} If you’re blessed enough to have a family or decent roommates, play board games. Break ’em out and put them to use (Note: not Monopoly, as that’s basically divorce in a box).


9} Hit that pile of “to be read” books you’ve neglected for far too long already. Don’t have one? Search for Project Gutenberg online and download some classics for free. Read them on your phone or tablet. I’ve a beat-up, used Nook that I’ve read everything from Dracula to The Insidious Fu-Manchu – for free, legally.


10} Lastly, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t plug table-top role-playing games. If you trust your friends to not attend a la the Red Death, invite them over and learn one together. PDF’s can be bought online or found free. Many of which use standard playing cards or dice that can be found in the board games you have around the house, too. Just do a bit of research.




That said, here’s things not to do that I have unwisely done in self-imposed exile:


1} Don’t drink enough whiskey to shit blood.


2} Don’t alienate friends and family by ignoring calls and messages.


3} Don’t start indulging your emotional bulimia online by starting a blog and writing incessantly for years for an audience small enough to fit in a high-school auditorium.


[OK, the last of the “don’ts” was a joke since I’ve met some great folks that way but understand it’s still laborious and financially unprofitable.]


Now, don’t say nobody loves you.


Because I just proved I do.


Stay well and healthy,





“Keep him tired; it makes him well. He’s getting better, can’t you tell?”

Posted in Uncategorized on March 10, 2020 by A♠






It’s fairly safe to say I was drunk from 2004 to 2014.


I’m by no means proud of that.


But a fact is a fact.




Yet, my purpose in mentioning it now isn’t to lament, per se.


I’ve confessed to my shame and regret regarding it in previous posts, already.


The aspect of it that’s been unmentioned, thus far, is this:


Sobering was akin to drifting upon the somnolent tides of a coma.


As if moving from one dream into another.


Rather than waking.


And not in purely positive ways.




For 10 years, I didn’t watch television, the news, et al.


If it wasn’t a blog or book, I payed it virtually no attention.


Imagine my surprise at seeing how much everything – my neighborhood, my nation, the world – changed in over what felt like a night of imbecilic self-medication.




While my life was reduced to whiskey and ashes, the good was not the only victim in the conflagration.


Myriad illusions burned away along with it.


And the horrors have been all too clear ever since.


Trigger warnings and self-abasement.


Original sin for some with redemption for none.


A religious movement in the self-delusional guise of secular humanism.


A death cult at the rudder of the global ship.


Navigators seeking the edge of the world to pitch over into oblivion with the goal of soothing a self-loathing that demands company.




Now, I’m still trapped, just like so many.


No better; no different.


Except that, each and every day—


I scratch away a bit more at the exterior wall of my cell.


All while, to the inmates who choose to press close to the walls they share with me and listen to my words, whispering—


Freedom is not as far off as they’d have us believe.



“Forty-thousand men and women every day (Redefine happiness) “

Posted in Uncategorized on March 1, 2020 by A♠




My long, ebon hair against the ivory white of the sink can’t help but catch my attention.


The stark contrast of the colors only increases the shock.


The vague S-shape of the strands act as a morbid Rorschach test; conjuring images of scythe’s sable-black haft.


Then, wiping it out with a paper towel while glancing in the mirror above it, I am forced to notice the ever creeping gray – like gravestones slowly multiplying in a newly made cemetery – filling my (now signature) horseshoe mustache.


The inexorable march of time continues apace.




I have a friend from my youth who eats right, exercises regularly and even bikes to work.


All because he’s abjectly terrified of death (by his own clear, vocalized admission) and seeks to stave it off by any and all possible means.


What else does he do?


He absorbs volumes of modern media – television, comics, film, books, et al.


He works at a well paying job but certainly nothing he’d planned – let alone dreamed – of doing.


He has a master’s degree in creative writing yet he’s not written in 20+ years.


He rarely dates.


He has very few friends.


In brief, to all appearances—


He exists to consume.


No less; no more.




“He who pretends to look on death without fear lies”, Rousseau said.


Doubtless, I am no exception.


I fear it, as any sane man does.


Yet, it’s not quite the same terror that grips him, or most others.


I fear it as most do a lightless stairwell or woods at night.


The unknown – with all its potential horrors – rather than cessation of the present.


Truth be told, I am frightened of eternity; the endless continuance of something or anything – good or bad.


But the close of my time on this earth?


Not so much.




Admittedly, there is so much to see, experience, learn, I couldn’t fit it in three lifetimes let alone one.


But I’ve certainly tried to make the most of my time here.


Another friend once told me more than a decade ago:


“[You’ve] gotten 70 years out of 35.”


I took it as tremendous compliment, since those years have been spent learning.










Now, I couldn’t say exactly why my friend fears death so much.


However, I suspect it’s because he feels as though he’s accomplished nothing.


Made no difference.


That his time will have been as footprints in sand between waves.


I’ll never ask, though.


I could be projecting.


Although, that’s a diminishing – if not vanished – fear for me.




I’ve said before:


A man that places all his value on women and conquering them is to tend a garden that never blooms quite as brightly as it did the day before.


Solipsistic focusing is little different.


Instead, we can invest in our existence insofar as it enables us a greater and wider impact, then affect that which is within our reach – its grasp extends further than we realize, too.


Whether that’s striving to build or simply maintain something beyond the flickering candle that is our respective burning time, is – at its core – irrelevant.


The intention of a painter is not to exercise his fingers and wrists; it is to create something that would not – could not – otherwise exist.


It’s not our hands but the threads we weave into the greater tapestry that shield us from the chill blackness of the eternal night.




All of us, every one, will one day fall to endless sleep.


It can be received as a senseless punishment.


Or as a well earned rest.


The totality of our actions prior is the choice that defines it.