“Through the storm, through the night, lead me on to the light…”

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Our corner of the web [the ‘sphere] has seen some breathtaking changes over the past 10 years.

 

Growth and evolution.

 

Attrition and stagnation.

 

Along with more than a few points in between.

 

Throughout it all, I confess I’ve inconsistently posted.

 

However, I’ve been consistently thematic.

 

 

 

My ideas, suggestions and viewpoints have changed very little in that time.

 

Perhaps, to some, that’s a negative; a cause for criticism.

 

Admittedly, that can be a sign of intellectual laxity (meaning a type of negligence, in cases such as this).

 

However, given the evidence:

 

I tend to believe my lack of deviation is a positive.

 

After all:

 

When reality behaves as an ally, it’s best not to change sides.

 

 

 

That being said, it’s the reason I write and behave (online) the way I do.

 

I do not view this as entertainment or even a pleasant distraction, but as a cloister of sorts.

 

A place for men to enter to peacefully ponder the world, its works and their (our) place in it.

 

The music acting as a call to our philosophical evensong.

 

And the camaraderie found here to be intellectually and emotionally bolstering.

 

I thank you for joining me.

 

 

 

Two suits down; two to go.

 

If you’ve found my work here of interest, please consider purchasing my ► first ◄ or ► second ◄ book or perhaps donate with PayPal via my email [the contact link is on my main page].

 

I’d be exceptionally grateful. 

 

As a side note, once I finish my move to a new home this summer, I’ll try to release at least one new book by January of 2019.

 

My sincerest best to you all.

 

 

 

 

 

A♥

“Thank you, driver, for getting me here…”

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This week’s post is brief but the topic is very special to me.

 

Why?

 

Because the card to which this will be attributed is one that I use in my private journal (I assign cards to people I know to maintain anonymity for them) to represent a man I got to know well almost 20 years ago.

 

Not only is he someone I grew to respect immensely but he’s the man that’s easily the most genuinely successful with women I’ve ever personally known.

 

 

 

He ► suffered tragedy and learned ◄ from it.

 

He let it teach him valuable lessons.

 

Not least of which was ► what not to do with women ◄.

 

Yet even those facts – in and of themselves – weren’t the most important lesson he unknowingly taught me.

 

I’ll explain.

 

 

 

Now, I try hard to avoid using terms like “Alpha” and “Beta” but there are times when they are useful shorthand terms.

 

This will be one of them.

 

I agree with Dalrock that women ► don’t necessarily want “Alpha” ◄.

 

(Strong emphasis on “necessarily”.)

 

To put a somewhat pedantic point on it, I believe they want – on the whole – “Greater Beta”.

 

Since music is integral to this blog, I’ll use its enjoyment as a metaphor.

 

 

 

Imagine you’re in your car, driving alone on a dark and quiet highway.

 

To keep yourself company (and perhaps awake), you turn on the stereo.

 

If you’re like most, you’ll want a balance of bass and treble.

 

You’ll have your particular preference concerning the levels, of course.

 

But a blend is still the end result.

 

 

 

Now think of the bass as “good ol’ Beta”. 

 

Keeping the beat; maintaining rhythm; and informing all the band members of the key in which they should be playing.

 

Now think of the treble as “flavor and fire Alpha”.

 

Jumping on and off beat with cymbal and high-hat antics; dancing in and through the key on scorching guitar solos; vocal harmonies charging the chorus with renewed energy.

 

Some will prefer the former.

 

Others will prefer the latter.

 

But the preponderance of listeners will want a blend of the two.

 

Leveled to their taste.

 

And that’s what K♥ taught me.

 

 

 

 

He knew that he didn’t need to be the best.

 

Just the best in her eyes.

 

He understood that being a reliable, decent guy – that had a spine and used it – was far more effective than most realize.

 

He had fun teasing and being playful while never feeling the need to be an asshole.

 

But, most of all, he made powerful use of women wanting him while only rarely actually having sex with them.

 

(He learned their desire for him was the most efficient – in regards to cost/risk/benefit – facet of that particular equation.)

 

I suppose that’s why he married an attractive virgin and has two beautiful children.

 

 

 

So, thanks, ████.

 

I appreciate the ride.

 

And I’ve chosen a much better destination because of you.

 

 

 

 

 

K♥

“…and love the light that brings a smile across your face.”

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Some time ago I wrote of the almost inexplicable ► quality ◄ women possess to bring contentment to a man.

 

I’d like to take a moment to mention a powerful card in the hands of women that is all too underutilized in their dealings with men in this day and age.

 

I’d argue it is – in fact – the most efficacious one they have.

 

More so even than sex.

 

The quality or facet to which I allude is:

 

Appreciativeness.

 

 

 

While sex – and to a lesser extent charm – are the royals in the female hand, the ace is gratitude. 

 

Certainly, it can be a low card if squandered on abusive men.

 

But, barring the constantly mentioned (yet far less actually encountered) brute, appreciation is a high card in the female side of the game.

 

 

 

It takes little to no effort in assessing such to realize simple gratitude earns not merely a high percentage of its offering but exponentially greater rewards than it is as offered.

 

Meaning:

 

The return on being a grateful woman is far more than the appreciation invested.

 

 

 

Simply observe how much women get when expressing minimal (if that) appreciation.

 

Then take note how many – and how vociferously – men throw themselves into anywhere from inconvenience to danger just for a coquettish, softly vocalized “thank you”.

 

This observation alone indicates there is something ingrained in the male psyche to tie oneself up in knots for an internal chemical reward of staggering effectiveness.

 

[As a relevant aside, I believe sex to be weaker – on its own – as:

 

1} Sex is often a manifestation of appreciation and

 

2} Sex becomes less appealing as a reward as age sets in for both genders; sincere appreciation never goes out of style.] 

 

Indeed, when abused (and used intermittently), it is this quality that will have men literally killing – themselves or others – to gain mere scraps of it.

 

However, my intent here is not to be negative.

 

When used with humility, love and genuine concern for a man (and his life, in general) it is this quality that will fire his ambition and have him reaching the ► gates of Heaven ◄, itself.

 

 

 

I’ve known less than a handful of women that understand the True power of this gift of theirs.

 

I was reminded of one when, serendipitously, she contacted me as I was working this post out in my head.

 

During that conversation, she mentioned how she’d do dishes and clean the rental home the morning after parties three male college friends had, to which she was invited.

 

The men would fawn over her for those simple acts.

 

So much so that, later, one of their girlfriends noticed and said, with some vitriol, to her something very much like:

 

“All the guys want you.

 

Even my boyfriend.

 

It doesn’t make sense.”

 

To which she replied:

 

“I listen to men.

 

I enjoy listening to them.

 

It’s only right that I should give back for things they give me.

 

It’s not hard.

 

And if I wanted your boyfriend—

 

I’d take him.“

 

 

 

Though perhaps immodest, she wasn’t arrogant.

 

Since she wasn’t wrong on a word of it.

 

 

 

 

 

Q♥

“Staring at the shadows; blowing smoke rings at the moon…”

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Not long ago I wrote regarding what I perceived to be ► the common quality ◄ shared by those most successful with women.

 

Thus, I feel it prudent to take a moment to share what I perceive to be the common quality shared by those unsuccessful with women (and how to avoid it).

 

Admittedly, there are many contenders for this dubious title considering the nearly innumerable things women would like in a mate. 

 

But I do believe one among them has a particularly strong case for its claim.

 

 

 

Of the ever increasing number of men who’ve contacted me regarding recent break-ups, the primary shared complaint/comment, either explicitly stated or strongly implied (consciously or unconsciously) has been:

 

“She was my reason for everything.”

 

Permit to state loudly and clearly:

 

I said that very same line.

 

Twice, in fact.

 

However, twice was enough for me to recognize the problem.

 

 

 

Recall, ► women default to fear ◄ so they have evolved to lean heavily toward living vicariously.

 

Through men first, then children.

 

(Since it’s safe and – once the dopamine is wired to respond to such, as it has over thousands of years – rewarding, it’s also entirely ► pragmatic ◄.)

 

This is a significant factor in why so many men are absolutely befuddled and dumbstruck when they see so many women seek men that are – by “civilized” metrics – inferior.

 

What those befuddled men fail to understand is that – to women – men are the car of a roller-coaster.

 

The log in the flume ride (crass pun unintended).

 

Men, to women, are the means of experiencing the dangerous amusement park that is the world.

 

Take away (or replace) the necessity for a male to provide resources for his mate, then entertainment steps up and demands fulfillment.

 

Fail to provide that, and she’ll likely seek another ticket counter.

 

 

 

However, a conundrum arises.

 

How can one be “entertaining” without becoming an organ-grinder’s monkey to every charming female that crosses one’s path?

 

Like so much of what I offer, the answer is simple to state and difficult to enact.

 

► Rediscover your boyishness ◄ and live for yourself.

 

 

 

Yes, I realize it’s a drum I never stop beating.

 

It’s the pedal tone to the song that is this blog, in fact.

 

But it is such for a reason.

 

In this situation, it’s vital to understand that – while nature has seen fit to spare the female a great deal of danger – nature has also atrophied her ability to seek destiny without considerable external input.

 

(Again, pragmatism; why choose when someone will gladly do it for you? Thus absolving self of blame or responsibility.

 

Additionally, think about the societal shift toward slatternly behavior, careerism, et al; none of those things occurred without tremendous and constant media exhortation.)

 

Thus, seeking meaning and direction from women only serves to frustrate and upset them, in very short order.

 

And, critically, not in ways they find enticing.

 

 

 

In short, let women see how interesting/exciting/different the ride is.

 

Move the rope to allow them entry.

 

But always remember, with or without them—

 

The ride goes on.

 

 

 

 

 

J♥