“No, don’t sink the boat that you built to keep afloat”

3♣

 

 

 

Not long ago, a young man in one of my gaming groups called asking for some guidance (unrelated to RPGs).

 

He’s been dating a young woman recently and, as is to be expected, has developed feelings for her.

 

However, this has brought him an equal amount of stress as it has joy.

 

He now finds himself feeling undeserving of the good time he’s been having.

 

Additionally, he’s frequently struck with the dread of her sudden, inexplicable departure.

 

She’s given no indication of such happening, he readily admits.

 

Yet, he still awaits the other shoe to drop.

 

 

 

My response was two-fold and, in the interest of potentially helping others, I’ll share it below:

 

1} Don’t feel unworthy. Unless she’s with you due to deception or intimidation on your part, then her choices are hers; let her make them. Nothing more need be said.

 

2} As far as awaiting a heartbreaking ending – think of this as being given a green wristband – with no other markings whatsoever- which permits you to be in an amusement park you really like. It grants you the ability to ride the rides, appreciate the sights and generally just enjoy yourself. The sole downside is that you’ve no idea when the staff will ask you to leave; only they know what duration of visit green bands allow. Understand, also, that green wristband applies to pretty much every relationship – from co-workers to spouses. Things can come to an end at any moment or over any length of time. Whether it’s disagreement or death or a million things in between, life is far less within our control than most care to admit.

 

 

 

Thus, try to be grateful for what you get and appreciate it while you’re there.

 

Sure, some rides may be disappointing.

 

Some may be terrifying.

 

Some may be breathtaking.

 

But – for better or worse—

 

None of them will last forever.

3♣

“No horse ever ran as fast as the money that you bet…”

2♣

 

 

 

 

More than seven years ago, I wrote of my vehement dislike of a saying that was making the rounds of the ‘sphere.

 

As time has passed, my work seems just as true – if not more so – now as it did way back then.

 

In fact, like wine, it appears to have aged to a particularly rich vintage.

 

Now that I’m well into my 40’s, I notice with blinding intensity that relationships are very much ruled by fear.

 

To be clear, I make no comment on the good or ill of the fact.

 

Merely that it is so.

 

 

 

When I was in my 20s, I had a male friend that said he had to be married by 30.

 

He was terrified of being alone in his journey after that particular milestone.

 

He, indeed, married by then.

 

And has been incredibly miserable since.

 

“My life has gone from eating ice cream to chewing ice”, were his exact words, when last we spoke.

 

 

 

Additionally, a couple I knew in college have recently reunited.

 

Easily one of – if not the most – dysfunctional relationships either of them had is now rekindled.

 

Perhaps things have changed after decades.

 

It’s certainly possible.

 

But I suspect it’s little more than the fact a half-century looms large before them both and, given the awful dating market for even the young, it beats nothing.

 

 

 

Am I any different?

 

Not emotionally.

 

I’m pushing 50 with few prospects.

 

I’ve just as many reasons to fear as they.

 

If not more.

 

But, as John Wayne said:

 

“Courage is being afraid and saddling up anyway.”

 

I absolutely feel the dread.

 

Yet I refuse to surrender.

 

 

 

Some may say:

 

“So you’re refusing to settle?

 

Like the ‘sphere criticizes countless middle-aged women for doing?”

 

That’s an inaccurate comparison.

 

I’m by no means expecting a 20 year old, nymphomaniac, lingerie model, heiress to the Jim Beam distillery.

 

(Look at the requirements stated by many women [yes, NAWALT but…]; my words aren’t as hyperbolic as you’d believe.)

 

I simply don’t wish to be led into bad decision by a primal instinct.

 

If I did that with every scary situation, I’d be handwriting this from jail due to my masculine inclination to solve everything with violence.

 

 

 

Some may now say:

 

“Ha! If all you say is true, why are women generally more prudish rather than less at late stages of the game?”

 

Easy (no pun intended).

 

Let’s briefly continue with the violence angle.

 

Once I break someone’s nose, they’ve no further reason to fear.

 

In fact, they may even discover they can break my nose.

 

Similarly, once a man has sex, he’s moved from hopeful to sated.

 

He may even discover the sex wasn’t worth the hassle.

 

In short:

 

The promise is more effective than the application.

 

 

 

If it helps, think of it thusly:

 

If you owe the credit card company $500, it’s your problem.

 

If you owe them $50,000, it’s theirs.

 

What are they going to do then?

 

Take back the things you bought with their money anyway?

 

Ok; so it was a free rental.

 

And if it was consumable, they cannot get it back.

 

Will they put you jail?

 

Fraud is a crime; not poor money management.

 

In fact, it’s why they gave you the card in the first place.

 

Hoping you were (slightly) bad with money.

 

 

 

In the end, you pay your bill out of fear.

 

Fear of bad credit.

 

Fear of being seen as a deadbeat.

 

Et al.

 

Of course, I’m certainly not advocating financial malfeasance (or any malfeasance, to be clear).

 

Merely pointing out that – all too often – fear is more powerful than the punishment that can be meted.

 

 

2♣

“Got to keep 100; I’ll say it if I done it, don’t give a fuck ’bout how you feel…”

A♥

 

It’s that time again.

 

The ace card, which means I share a bit about myself.

 

Nothing major, this time.

 

Simply what I’m doing during this situation in which so many of us find ourselves.

 

I live on a little more than two acres in a rural part of the USA, so keep that in mind:

 

1} Shooting – a lot of it, in fact. I set up a range on my property using some old wood, the remnants of a rusty trampoline the previous owners left behind, targets printed by friends at work for free and the empty cans of soda my house-mates and I discard. Admittedly, I’m using a pellet rifle but it’s good practice to keep my skills sharp and hone them further.

 

2} Starting campfires – quite a few of them. Again, I’ve got land and plenty of trees so, instead of watching Netflix or television or endlessly surfing the ‘net, I sit outside. While there, I practice my fire-building skills, watch the fire crackle and gaze at the stars above.

 

3} DDP Yoga – it’s an exercise regimen by a former professional wrestler. It’s for folks of any condition so I’m still at the basic level but it’s a good routine to stay active now that I’ve lost access to my gym.

 

4} The Charles Atlas Bodybuilding Program – I just started this and have no idea how well it works or not but it requires zero equipment and cost me nothing (a friend had the program PDF in his computer archives) so I figure it’s worth a shot.

 

5} Intermittent Fasting – I do the 16/8, meaning seven days a week I don’t eat for 16 hours and then eat only during the remaining 8 hour window. Doesn’t seem to be working as well as I’d like but I’ll give it a little more time then reassess. Regardless, it keeps me from going through supplies as quickly as I otherwise would.

 

6} Reading old books on my used Nook – not much more to say than that. I’m reading less than I should (shooting is too much fun) but I’m doing it, regardless.

 

7} Investigating the Pandemic – recently stopped this. Too few were listening to the facts and it took A LOT of time, so I saw no point. I said all that need be said in a previous post.

 

8} Calling/emailing friends – No man is an island and I’m certainly no exception. I may be an introvert, but I do love people. Scout’s honor.

 

9} Cooking – I’m a mediocre cook at best but I’ll be damned if I eat take-out with any regularity. It’s unhealthy, expensive and I prefer to dine out if not eating at home so paying for take-out just seems senseless to me.

 

10} Writing – Possibly not as much as I should but since I drink and smoke as I do (so I don’t delete everything in a fit of self-loathing and harsh, internal criticism), I’m keeping it to twice a week.

 

Hope all of my dear readers are well,

Charles Spadille

 

 

A♥