“Can’t close the closet on a shoe-box full of bones”

5♣

 

 

 

 

Perhaps it’s my generation (Gen-X).

 

Perhaps it’s the fact I had a controlling and overbearing mother and a disinterested father.

 

Perhaps it’s some combination of the two.

 

Or maybe it’s simply a weakness within myself, but – for the longest time – I never felt anything I had was really mine.

 

Regardless of the reason, I always felt my things belonged to my family and I just was begrudgingly permitted to use them.

 

Even if I paid for them with money I earned and they’d nothing to do with the purchase.

 

 

 

Now, certainly losing everything I couldn’t fit in a duffel-bag upon my fleeing Philadelphia westward was my fault, in the end.

 

But the fact I never felt truly in possession of my possessions contributed greatly to my error.

 

Why do I share this extremely shameful facet of my past with you?

 

For the same reason I share many of my successes and failures:

 

In the hope it’s useful to someone.

 

Which brings me to the observation I wish to offer.

 

 

 

I’m not a fan of the word “deserve”.

 

In many contexts, these days, it conveys (or breeds) a sense of entitlement, ingratitude and possibly selfishness.

 

Instead, I’ve adopted the term “worthy”.

 

I don’t deserve nice things.

 

However, I am worthy of them.

 

Whether it be time spent at the gym, a better pair of shoes, a cleaner home, et al, I don’t deserve it.

 

I am worthy of it.

 

Should, of course, I put forth the effort to acquire such.

 

In brief, it’s a concept I discussed in my book The Holistic Guide to Suicide:

 

A person is worthy of investment in themselves.

 

 

 

All too often in the modern world, men believe (via subtext or inculcation) they’re inherently unworthy of pretty much everything but the scraps offered them.

 

This is extremely destructive and – to my mind – a tremendous cause of self-loathing and depression.

 

In fact, it prevents them from any type of significant improvement – mental, spiritual or physical.

 

It’s one thing to think oneself undeserving.

 

It’s another entirely to imagine oneself unworthy of the fruit of one’s own efforts.

 

What you build with your blood, sweat and tears is yours, my friends.

 

Let no one tell you otherwise.

 

Your efforts crafted your creations and your worthiness, both.

 

 

 

Now, it’s possible you think me engaging in needless semantics.

 

Maybe I am.

 

Yet, I’d argue:

 

Framing is everything.

 

And the person that has no choice but to live forever in your frame—

 

Is you.

 

 

5♣