“No horse ever ran as fast as the money that you bet…”

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More than seven years ago, I wrote of my vehement dislike of a saying that was making the rounds of the ‘sphere.

 

As time has passed, my work seems just as true – if not more so – now as it did way back then.

 

In fact, like wine, it appears to have aged to a particularly rich vintage.

 

Now that I’m well into my 40’s, I notice with blinding intensity that relationships are very much ruled by fear.

 

To be clear, I make no comment on the good or ill of the fact.

 

Merely that it is so.

 

 

 

When I was in my 20s, I had a male friend that said he had to be married by 30.

 

He was terrified of being alone in his journey after that particular milestone.

 

He, indeed, married by then.

 

And has been incredibly miserable since.

 

“My life has gone from eating ice cream to chewing ice”, were his exact words, when last we spoke.

 

 

 

Additionally, a couple I knew in college have recently reunited.

 

Easily one of – if not the most – dysfunctional relationships either of them had is now rekindled.

 

Perhaps things have changed after decades.

 

It’s certainly possible.

 

But I suspect it’s little more than the fact a half-century looms large before them both and, given the awful dating market for even the young, it beats nothing.

 

 

 

Am I any different?

 

Not emotionally.

 

I’m pushing 50 with few prospects.

 

I’ve just as many reasons to fear as they.

 

If not more.

 

But, as John Wayne said:

 

“Courage is being afraid and saddling up anyway.”

 

I absolutely feel the dread.

 

Yet I refuse to surrender.

 

 

 

Some may say:

 

“So you’re refusing to settle?

 

Like the ‘sphere criticizes countless middle-aged women for doing?”

 

That’s an inaccurate comparison.

 

I’m by no means expecting a 20 year old, nymphomaniac, lingerie model, heiress to the Jim Beam distillery.

 

(Look at the requirements stated by many women [yes, NAWALT but…]; my words aren’t as hyperbolic as you’d believe.)

 

I simply don’t wish to be led into bad decision by a primal instinct.

 

If I did that with every scary situation, I’d be handwriting this from jail due to my masculine inclination to solve everything with violence.

 

 

 

Some may now say:

 

“Ha! If all you say is true, why are women generally more prudish rather than less at late stages of the game?”

 

Easy (no pun intended).

 

Let’s briefly continue with the violence angle.

 

Once I break someone’s nose, they’ve no further reason to fear.

 

In fact, they may even discover they can break my nose.

 

Similarly, once a man has sex, he’s moved from hopeful to sated.

 

He may even discover the sex wasn’t worth the hassle.

 

In short:

 

The promise is more effective than the application.

 

 

 

If it helps, think of it thusly:

 

If you owe the credit card company $500, it’s your problem.

 

If you owe them $50,000, it’s theirs.

 

What are they going to do then?

 

Take back the things you bought with their money anyway?

 

Ok; so it was a free rental.

 

And if it was consumable, they cannot get it back.

 

Will they put you jail?

 

Fraud is a crime; not poor money management.

 

In fact, it’s why they gave you the card in the first place.

 

Hoping you were (slightly) bad with money.

 

 

 

In the end, you pay your bill out of fear.

 

Fear of bad credit.

 

Fear of being seen as a deadbeat.

 

Et al.

 

Of course, I’m certainly not advocating financial malfeasance (or any malfeasance, to be clear).

 

Merely pointing out that – all too often – fear is more powerful than the punishment that can be meted.

 

 

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