“I knew the words but I sang them wrong…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 20, 2018 by A♠






Chris Isaak croons softly as the thunder rumbles like far-off artillery or a nearby, angry god.


The cubes of ice rattling in my whiskey glass are old bones; the curling smoke is a parade of ghosts tying themselves in grieving knots.


I think of her fondly.




It’s funny, in a bittersweet way.


Nothing romantic has ever passed between us.


But plenty of intimacy.


Oh, that in spades—


If you’ll pardon the nod to self.




Two souls – older than they should be – aged prematurely by seeing the paws and claws of the beast most only glimpse on screens; acted out by beautiful people that are equally blissful in that particular ignorance.


Not lovers; barely friends, Truth be told, since we’ve never actually met. 


We agree men and women can’t really be friends.


Though we’re certainly friendly.


And intimate.


Definitely that.


Without ever even so much as shake hands.




Even over the raging storm, I can still hear her say:


“Just because biology draws associates together, doesn’t mean we have to give into it.”


She’s 100% right.


Besides, not to imply there’s a chance at anything more but—


I think I prefer what we have.




The thunder crashes again and the cat I’m watching for a few days jumps in my lap.


She claims some of my warmth while sharing some of hers.


Looking up at me, she blinks with deliberate slowness. 


I’m told it’s called a “cat kiss”.


I smirk as the lightning flashes and she closes them tight.




I take another drag, following it with a sip of Devil’s Cut.


Watching the rain run down the windowpanes in a hurry to meet the ground far below.


The red, parched, Oklahoma dirt drinks deep as the world turns us all—


Once more. 








“See the rat race in a new way, like you’re waking up to a new day…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 16, 2018 by A♠





Before I begin, understand that I have, for years, endeavored to show the strengths and weakness of humanity in an honest and (ultimately, I hope) positive fashion.


To read the following post as a hate filled screed is to miss the point entirely which, at the risk of giving away the conclusion, is that our disingenuousness regarding ourselves and our foibles is the most dangerous mistake we – as a species – can make.


In short, to “know thyself” is the path to elevation from our lowly state.


That being said, I’ll answer the request of reader caddersworld:


“I’m intrigued by this though; ‘(It’s why they don’t scale well in modern society but that’s another story.)’


Please could you take a few mins to expand on this (or perhaps point me to where you have written on it before)?”




My explanation in stages:


1} Pragmatism [noun]: a reasonable and logical way of doing things or of thinking about problems that is based on dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories.*


2} Women are ► logical ◄ – they merely have different priorities (and methods to meet them) than men.



3} As I’ve ► stated earlier ◄:


What men fail to grasp, as a whole, is women are the more pragmatic gender.


They’ve no use for rules, honor and other such “niceties”.


As they inhibit chances of survival for the individual.


* (They are “dealing with specific situations instead of on ideas and theories”.)




Sure, those things work for the whole of civilization.


But why bother to build a city when you can do your hair, paint your nails, shave your legs and move into someone’s nice house?




That’s why not.



4A} Enter “modernity” – technological development, democracy and the welfare state.


B} Female priority: reproduce with the best available genetics; pragmatic solution: Machines do much of the work, so eliminate lower status men so as to not pollute the gene pool.


C} Female priority: go for the exception rather than the rule as that’s where possible advantageous biological mutations/changes will probably occur; pragmatic solution: import foreigners, date outlaws, forgo standard men


D} Female priority: acquire resources; pragmatic solution: vote for more public money.


E} Female priority: maximize mate options; pragmatic solution: sabotage other women, hobble lower status male survival efforts, forgo commitment as long as possible.


F} Female priority: feel safe and comforted; pragmatic solution: comfort eat constantly, forgo stressful mental/emotional/intellectual situations and activity.


G} Female priority: suffer at some level; pragmatic solution: harm self, sacrifice oneself publicly for both satisfaction and martyrdom.


H} Female priority: find the toughest mate; pragmatic solution: keep beating males (mentally/physically/emotionally) until one fights back powerfully enough to pass the test.




While it’s easy to criticize these courses of action as deleterious – to say the least – on a longer timeline to both individuals and civilization, as a whole, it’s equally easy to prove they work (from the pragmatic perspective).


Also recall that human needs exist in a hierarchy. 


In the event of a conflict, one will take precedence over the other (on the individual basis).




Women aren’t doing these things because they’re “evil”.


They’re doing these things because these courses of action work and because – over the course of thousands of years – women understand (at a subconscious level, at least) that the female timeline is shorter than the male for biological reasons, thus the speedier the better.


I say all of the above to neither condemn nor defend.


Merely to elucidate.


I trust I’ve succeeded. 







“Lock the front door, oh boy, got to sit down, take a rest on the porch…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 12, 2018 by A♠






Throughout the numerous posts in this blog, I’ve offered and/or advocated many courses of action.


From understanding the importance of being yourself, to exercising, to cleaning one’s environs and to embrace/overcome one’s fear.


All of these, however share an extremely important end goal.


One I believe to be the most important in a man’s life.




Fourteen years ago, I had $64,000 in the bank, a car, a motorcycle, a great apartment, a high paying job and more friends at my reach than most garner in a lifetime.


Six years later the wheel of fortune turned, leaving me with little more than the clothes on my back and enough troubles to require an abacus to count.


So many, in fact, I needed a friend to help me vacate my apartment


When my friend and I stopped by my family’s home to borrow my dad’s truck (which he grudgingly loaned me), my father told my friend:


“[A♠] had it all and he threw it away.”


My friend was stunned into silence, at the time, but remains angry at those words to this day.




He believed my father to be so wrong as to be insulting.


Looking back, I’m sad to say my friend is the one who is wrong.


Yet, as much as that saddens me to confess, there is some comfort.




I believe my father was something worse.


He was right, yes—


But for all the wrong reasons.




See, he didn’t think I fought my fate as hard as I could regarding my dismissal from government service or to keep my girlfriend from leaving.


That couldn’t be further from the Truth.


Regardless, his statement is still correct.


I did “throw it all away”.


However, that’s because I never fully appreciated or even realized that which I had, at the time or earlier.


I was far too busy focusing on what I was missing: steady relationships, job satisfaction, et al.


Instead, I gave into grief and decided to die (albeit slowly).




Sure, I’d lost a tremendous amount but – had I made better choices – I could’ve started a business rather than drink my money away.


I could’ve gotten into even better shape than let myself go.


I could’ve taken a more careful stock of what blessings remained rather than squander them.




Now, I was literally mentally ill (depression), so I’ve lessened the self-assault considerably.


But it’s True that a simple change of focus and framing – along with some positive accounting – may have brought about a much better outcome.


Which leads me to the revelation I implied was imminent earlier in this post.


That most important of end goals?






Chasing happiness usually turns interminable on the hedonic treadmill.


The hunt for material things just creates a bigger toy-box to fill.


And constant, promiscuous sex tends to kill any real chance at love.


Even the pursuit of physical perfection ends in eventual disappointment as age takes merciless hold.


(None of that should be read as condemnation of having ambition and taking good care of one’s health.)




As for self-respect, dignity, a good name and the ability to appreciate one’s state?


Those are paths I’ve yet to see lead me anywhere but wondrous.



“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” 

― John Milton, Paradise Lost








“He’s dancing on the breadline…”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 5, 2018 by A♠






Regular commenter JD writes:


“There is no upper limit to the price we will be expected to pay. Women and society don’t even regard this as a transaction. They tell us what they expect from us and wait to receive it…


We have nothing to prove to Women or Society. They’ve been strip-mining us for decades.”


While I believe the comment is worthwhile in its entirety, the final line leapt out at me.




Every day, as I move through the world, I see countless folks lost in themselves or some petty dopamine-pumping distraction.


Faces glued to phones; each a Narcissus gazing longingly at the luminescent pool of self-congratulation.


News outlets and pundits choosing the target of the day for insufficient zealotry or failing to meet some exponentially increasing level of standards they themselves couldn’t reach with a guidebook and a ladder.


Each cutting the other down to appear that much taller.


It’s a sorry state of affairs, to say the least.


Yet, there is a two-pronged, silver lining to this ebony storm-front, should one choose to look carefully.




First, so many demands are placed on men today, they’ve ended up with none (save those they choose to apply to themselves).


Think of them as a soldier constantly being given contrary orders.


Sure, he can’t win.


But neither can he actually lose.


Since, either way, he’s following – and failing to follow – instructions. 


Causing his commanders no end of frustration as each of them attempts to use him for their purposes.


All the while, giving our exemplary soldier less and less reason to re-enlist.


And giving him more and more reason to dissuade potential recruits.




Second, having been pushed to so low a status, he becomes (at the individual level, at least) invisible.


Resulting in no one really caring about a man’s failures or successes (after perhaps an extremely abbreviated initial moment at discovery).


Sure, they may mock or congratulate him for a brief time, but the dopamine junkie will need to move on quickly to keep chasing that particular dragon.


Addicted to news feeds and Facebook games; Netflix and internet spats.


Not to mention the detractor’s own concern with “winning the rat race”.


In fact, one needn’t have the willpower to forgo concern for what others think of him.


It’s painfully evident they rarely spare him a thought.




Now, none of this is to say a man shouldn’t have his own standards.






He certainly should.


But don’t worry about failing to measure up, now and then.


Since most of those that judge you are standing on someone else’s shoulders.







“No way to prepare; impending despair…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 26, 2018 by A♠






Were I compelled to choose the one quality possessed by the preponderance of men I’ve known that were good with women, it wouldn’t take me long to do so.


Of the myriad qualities they may share, there’s a sole contender that jumps out at me.


That singular trait:




Without exception, they had a tremendous heartbreak at some point.


Something downright earth-shattering.


Usually a vicious betrayal.


Although, rarely, a very difficult upbringing may act as a substitute.




The unsuccessful, however, generally share the opposite quality:




This is not to say their lives were without troubles, rather to say they’d been sheltered or generally spared certain harsh realities.


(Or discounted such as flukes, when encountered, which is why so many otherwise clever, young men hobble themselves.)




Now, I’m sure my comments could be filled with exceptions on both fronts.


But I’d wager they’d still be insufficient to counter the lesson.




See, the loss (while miserable, in and of itself) is the crumbling of a stone blocking the larger path.


(That larger path being a wider breadth of success.)


It shatters pedestals and illusions of perfection, alike.


Leaving a man to deal with what is, rather than what is imagined.


Whereas as ease, well—


Tilting at windmills gives no useful experience at besting dragons.



 “He who learns must suffer, and, even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.”


– Aeschylus







“And no one ever wanna know, love ain’t funny; a crime in the wink of an eye…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 21, 2018 by A♠






A famous quotation from the film “As Good As It Gets” has made the social rounds from its appearance to today:


Receptionist: How do you write women so well?


Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.


Admittedly, that elicits a knowing chuckle from us and our brethren.


And isn’t entirely inaccurate.


Yet it does, I’d argue, contain a hidden danger. 




As usual, I’m going counter to conventional (perhaps even ‘sphere) wisdom and say that the danger isn’t that it may offend or upset women.


Nor that it may make men look bad for agreeing or failing to agree with it enough.


The danger is, in my estimation, that it makes the path of the man who believes it utterly much more treacherous.




Reason is defined as “the capacity for logical, rational, and analytic thought”.


Thus, given surface appearances, far too many men fall prey to the trap that women are purely creatures of whim and emotion.


And that’s a Hell of a trap.




Realize, logic is simply a process; a “system of reasoning”.


And “analytic thought”, for most, really doesn’t amount to anything greater than “cost/benefit analysis”.


Thus, just because your decisions don’t make sense to me doesn’t automatically make them illogical.


Your needs, goals, and desires differ from mine.


Women more so.


Simply because they have so many needs/demands, if nothing else.


Trust me in this.


(If you choose not to trust me, just observe a woman for a while on Facebook or at work and see.)




Also, understand a being needn’t understand logic to employ it.


Insects, animals and children use it every moment of the day. 


As they’re driven by simple needs, a complex system is unnecessary.


“I’m hungry; I’ll eat.”


That’s logic.


Therein lies the danger.


Should a man fail to acknowledge (consciously or unconsciously) the myriad motives a particular female possesses, he’s in for a surprise. 


Possibly many.





Recall, women are the infinitely more pragmatic sex.


(It’s why they don’t scale well in modern society but that’s another story.)


There is always a logic.


There is always analysis.


Ask a woman how much of her day is eaten up by considerations and reconsiderations of actions.


(That’s the line that makes my female readers nod assiduously, today.)


Inquire as to how many conversations she has weekly seeking guidance, approval or both.


For example:


Why do so many modern, Western women chase “tingles” (men that sexually arouse them) more than other qualities?


Logical answer: That’s the most common unfulfilled (pun unintended) need they have in modern, Western societies.


The other things men have historically provided for women are now frequently supplied by government (security, sustenance, et al).


It only seems illogical to men because the government hasn’t provided things historically supplied by women for their particular needs.


(This is also why women ► frequently damage themselves ◄.)




Also, remember that if a woman breaks up with a man, it was overwhelmingly likely in the works for months – if not years – prior to the event.


That’s not a whim, my friend, despite appearances at its moment.


That’s analysis.


As for what constitutes female logic—


Go through this blog and look.








“Seems like the less I get, the more I have to pay…”

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2018 by A♠






This past weekend found me attending the wedding of a friend in the area.


Needless to say, I was honored to be invited and witness the important, joyous occasion.


Sadly, I discovered I’m still too fat for my formal clothes (though working on changing that even harder now) and I’m a shamefully lapsed Roman Catholic.


But those aren’t the topic of today’s missive.




As I sat listening to the priest’s sermon, I contemplated a word he used with ample frequency.


That word?




It struck me just how poorly so many (lamentably, this otherwise commendable priest, included) employ it.




See, what it seems to mean – to far too many – is:




But we have a word for that meaning. 


[It’s “loss”, by the way.]


Sacrifice should mean, more than any other definition it may technically possess:


“The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim.”



 Men are all too often called to “sacrifice” when really what they are being asked [read: ordered] to do is to lose something.


Their money.


Their time.


And, terribly, their very lives.




Now, to read this as saying men should not surrender specific treasured things at certain appropriate times, whether it be in love or war, would be to selfishly misunderstand me.


What I am saying, in the interest of clarity, is that – at such instances – something should be gained that is of even greater value in the eyes of the one sacrificing.


Anything else is punishment (at best) and theft (at worst).




In short (and to combine it with previous words of mine):


Bend the knee judiciously and be certain your sacrifice leads to a greater prize of your estimation.