“Yet in the dark, still he screams your name…”
↓
Often I’m asked:
“How can I get her back?”
The men posing the question are always the same.
Hardy stock.
Solid work ethic.
Bright and clever.
Yet, beneath all of the positive attributes, flows an undercurrent of self-doubt.
Whose rushing waters can be seen just behind the eyes if one knows when – and how – to look.
Invariably, the women they wish to recapture are fun girls.
Pretty girls.
Girls that say the right things at the right times.
Girls that keep the party going.
Girls that liven the night.
And ease the harshness of morning’s light- if they stay that long at a visit.
Now, the issue at hand is not that these women are “out of their league” or such.
The issue is that the men in question did not have them in the first place.
These specific women were using them as rebounds, providers, temporary entertainment, distractions, tools for validation, etc.
See, no one – not once – that’s ever had an actual, firmly based relationship has asked me, personally, how to get the woman back.
Because, quite simply, that fellow already knows why they split.
He’s already well-informed as to a reunion’s possibility, or desirability.
Therefore, he either can – or can’t – do it, regardless of assistance.
Lamentably, after all this, each and every man that approaches me with the interrogative presented at the outset of this post receives the same answer:
She’s not coming home.
Because she was never there.
Ω
80-Proof Oinomancy 
May 19, 2015 at 1:29 am
That’s the cruelty of long distance relationships.
You know why they fail. But you don’t completely know how they would have fared, had they not been long distance.
As for your main point – I bet you the amount of men asking how to get her back is proportional to the rise of hook up culture.
Wald
May 19, 2015 at 3:00 am
“You know why they fail. But you don’t completely know how they would have fared, had they not been long distance.”
Very true.
May 19, 2015 at 2:37 am
The moment I read that question, I already knew what the answer would be Ace. I’m not sure if that is because I understood the situation/scenario, or because I understand you. Or is that a distinction without a difference?
May 19, 2015 at 2:53 am
As you say, Donal:
It’s a distinction without a difference.
If, one day, I’m so fortunate as to require a biographer – you’d be the man.
May 19, 2015 at 3:10 am
Ace, it only goes to show that you cannot separate a man from the time he lives in. We are the world, in a way that a mushy-headed slogan-chanter will never understand.
Going back to the central crux of this post:
There is a dark and sublime truth to how this issue, this answer, is really just another question:
“Did I ever have her in the first place?”
Or, otherwise stated:
“Was it real?”
Of course, that is a question that begs yet further, more disturbing questions for those who dare to ask.
May 19, 2015 at 3:16 am
There is a dark and sublime truth to how this issue, this answer, is really just another question:
“Did I ever have her in the first place?”
Or, otherwise stated:
“Was it real?”
Of course, that is a question that begs yet further, more disturbing questions for those who dare to ask.
♠ ♠ ♠
I’ll let another poet give my response:
“I’ve studied now Philosophy and Jurisprudence,
Medicine – and even, alas! Theology –
from end to end with labor keen;
and here, poor fool with all my lore
I stand, no wiser than before.”
― Faust, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
May 19, 2015 at 12:45 pm
Tell these poor men that they need to stop looking for women that help them forget about the world, and instead look for one that will endure with him. One whom will cleave to her beloved underneath the wing of his protection. Under his wing she can whisper soft words of love straight to his heart, warm the food for his soul, and keep the fire of heath and home alight in dark times while he braves the battle with The Beast.
A woman that helps him forget will never do this, because she forgot all of importance before he even met her. Thats how she helps him do the same; by leading him down the dark path, light by the burning of unwanted memories and bridges left behind.
Travel the dark path upwards, instead. It is, many times, less well lit. But the light brings life, will not burn you for drawing too close, and lets you get glimpses the sun towards which you strive.
May 19, 2015 at 12:47 pm
I find a more concise, less poetic way of saying it.
Spurn the women who make you forget about all your burdens. Pursue the women that make you forget about the pain of your burdens; for their love has turned such pains to joy.
May 20, 2015 at 4:41 am
Chad,
Both wordings are very well said.
Nice job, to say the least.
May 19, 2015 at 12:52 pm
Nailed it. This gets to the very heart of the matter.
A woman who breaks it off with a man does so for any number of reasons. But the bottom line is that in these situations, it is over because she has decided that he has served his purpose in her life. That purpose having been fulfilled, there is no reason to continue, so she moves on.
May 19, 2015 at 1:29 pm
Deti, I’m not sure that the point you are making is the same as Ace’s. While it is true that even a committed women can “withdraw”, he is talking of men for whom the women in their lives were never committed. More specifically, they were women who were never the committing type in the first place.
May 19, 2015 at 1:55 pm
I think it ties into the “manic pixie dream girl” phenomenon. Some guys enjoy the time spent with these girls even without sex, as a sort of reaffirming moment where they realize not all women are cold, cynical office-dwelling, ice-queens. Some guys pursue relationships with them in full understanding that these relationships are as fun, light and ready to fly as the girl is. Some guys think they’ve locked her down and, like a woman in a STR with a wealthy Alpha, are deeply hurt when she needs to fly off again.
Even the most outwardly stoic, hardened, top-rank Alpha could accidentally reconnect with more childish illusions and BP thoughts when under the influence of a MPDG. Just like even the coldest, most cynical feminist sees a glimmer of hope in a Manicorn. Then they get hurt because they vulnerably placed themselves in the hands of something far wilder than they were.
Such is life. Some things are only meant to be temporary.
May 25, 2015 at 1:54 pm
Good points, superslaviswife. Bottom line is that there’s an “in” for almost everyone, be it MPDG or otherwise. But just because someone fits your template doesn’t mean you fit theirs.
One: If most men/women met the person of their dreams, my safest average bet would be on failure. Very few people think in terms of “if my ideal date showed up, have I developed myself enough to be ready?” Most of us have not.
1 1/2: The worst thing you could do to many people is give them the person of their dreams. Whole other subject, though.
Two: every template has its shadow side, and that shadow may be in direct conflict with your plans. How many women believe the playa will settle down just because they’re special snowflakes? It’s convenient that they keep telling themselves this thing, but…. we know the real deal. MPDG focus on the “DG” not the “MP” amounts to the same thing.
Either way, target was never there. Chad up above is pretty close to the answer for guys.
June 10, 2015 at 8:49 am
Joe,
The brighter the picture, the darker the negative.
May 25, 2015 at 7:31 pm
[…] Ace’s advice for men this week: “She’s not coming home. Because she was never there.” […]
May 1, 2017 at 10:26 am
The question?
How do I know I never had her anyway, if not for the fact that she’s gone and not coming back?
What signs do I look for in something that at the time seeming to be going swimmingly?
I don’t recall any anyone nearly drowning only to curse the sea, never to return for another swim.
Wald