“I just don’t understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes…”

 

 

 

 

 

Throughout the course of my life, I’ve been called “bitter” and “cynical”.

 

Much of my online oeuvre has led me to be considered “too dark” for more than a few readers.

 

So imagine my shock and surprise when a comment I received read:

 

“MGTOW is the actual chimera recognition of their evil existence on this earth and the freedom to escape the false dream promised and betrayed. Cheers from reality and how it truly is.”

 

 I confess, deluded is something I’ve never been accused of being.

 

Just goes to show that there’s a first time for everything.

 

But this does prompt an important post.

 

 

 

See, I’ve worked hard to avoid discounting any man’s experience.

 

Whether my reality is yours, or vice versa, is irrelevant.

 

As I wrote in ► my first book ◄:

 

Experience is a despot.

 

Meaning:

 

The events of our lives mold and control us almost utterly.

 

Regardless whether we admit – or realize – it.

 

Men date women much like their mothers.

 

Women date men much like their fathers (especially if they didn’t really have one but that’s for another day).

 

 We all recreate our childhood paradigms in adulthood.

 

Yet, our’s is not an unalterable course.

 

 

 

So what I do try to demonstrate is that a change of thought (and subsequent action) can – and often will  – change our experiences.

 

Thus altering our reality.

 

My road into and through Hell taught me just how powerful breaking patterns of behavior and – more importantly thought – is in making life more bearable (if not enjoyable).

 

In fact, dating not one but two Borderline Personality Disordered gals led me to the quick admission that I was the common thread in my horrific fate.

 

And the fact that particular thread needed cutting.

 

After that, I’ve dated plenty of girls that didn’t cheat, steal or mistreat me.

 

Because I knew what traps to avoid.

 

 

 

That being mentioned, I’ve never once said men, women or life itself were perfect.

 

Quite the opposite, if you look through this blog at even a cursory level. 

 

What I have said, at many times and in many ways, is:

 

While experience may be a despot, you are the rightful monarch of your [earthly] existence. 

 

You have the power to make it all worthwhile.

 

And, honestly—

 

That’s almost as good.

 

 

 

 

 

K♣

12 Responses to ““I just don’t understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes…””

  1. # 1: I want to change the world

    # 2: Change yourself and the world changes with you.

    # 1: ….that’s more work than I’m looking for.

  2. Women aren’t evil. They’re just … Women. Like a Siberian tiger, they’re beautiful and also dangerous if you don’t know how to handle them … and pitifully few Men are properly instructed before they get mauled.

    So I don’t blame John for feeling the way he does, about Women and even about God. Our understanding of either usually comes at a high cost after years of being fed the wrong instructions.

    In John Bunyan’s ‘Pilgrim’s Progress’ he speaks of many struggles, tests and even combat on the road to Heaven. None of this sweet baby Jesus stuff is going to cut it anymore; as you’ve previously stated, the West has collapsed. A time for peace, a time for War.

    King Solomon despite his wife-collection fetish had a lot to say about the nature of Women. Not the only wise man who failed to follow his own sage advice. Proverbs never spoke so loudly to me as after I had lost a family or two.

    Noah and his clan survived the destruction of the entire world. The first thing he did upon landing was plant a vineyard, harvest it, make wine and get thoroughly shit-faced, presumably for a long time. Who could blame him?

    But he also built an altar. He remembered the blessing that brought them through. He re-founded the world.

    We, in our own small ways, are tasked to do the same.

    Our illusions, were OUR illusions. Reality came to call and it didn’t bring us good news. We were wrong, about most everything. We were in great peril and didn’t know it. That sucks. But the Truth can’t make you free until you receive it – accept it – internalize it – and implement it.

    The Wisdom of the Serpent has been given to us, and it isn’t optional. The bronze snake has been lifted up on the pole. There it is, and you don’t get to pretend it isn’t there. That time is over, and frankly good riddance.

    • Excellent comment.

    • JD,

      “So I don’t blame John for feeling the way he does, about Women and even about God.”

      This is very important to me, so I feel I must address it:

      I don’t blame him, either.

      It’s the reason I neither linked the comment or attributed it to him.

      I did, as mentioned, feel it prompted a larger point.

      At a personal level, John is walking through the fire as we all have here.

      At his pace.

      I don’t fault that, either.

      Regarding John Bunyan, this quote of his springs to mind:

      “Then I saw that there was a way to hell, even from the gates of heaven.”

      While I could go on about your entire comment, this portion really grabbed me:

      “Noah and his clan survived the destruction of the entire world. The first thing he did upon landing was plant a vineyard, harvest it, make wine and get thoroughly shit-faced, presumably for a long time. Who could blame him?

      But he also built an altar. He remembered the blessing that brought them through. He re-founded the world.”

      I could be wrong, but I get the sense Joe Katzman liked that portion, too.

      Not sure why I believe that but I do.

      All the best,

      A♠

  3. After some thought after the big conversation, I had come to the conclusion that the biggest reason I had more success with women than ever before, was not due to “actionable” advice I sought, but rather the fact that after each difficult break up, through the pain, I desperate sought out lessons. Replayed the whole thing in my head. Everything I said. Everything I did.

    Tried to see lessons I could learn…anything so that what befell me would NEVER happen again. It was the best I could do to keep sane at times, was hold on to that idea.

    And with each new girlfriend, I immediately applied whatever lessons I had learned to sometimes immediate effect.

    I realized that my lesson learning had skipped a generation. There was a gap in my knowledge. The reason? I didn’t actual go through a break up. I had so much else going on that it never felt like one to me. In my head she was always mine and I was always hers. It wasn’t until December 2017, that I actually began to deal with it.

    It wasn’t, however, until March 2018, that the pain I felt pushed me to see the both what I did well and the error of my ways. In some ways, I always knew – but I never truly wanted to admit how terrible of a person I was [despite being good at being a man].

    This realization has brought me some piece.

    So to rephrase what you said, to show that I understand [I think]:

    “Experience is a despot. But you can make him a King”

    Wald

  4. “Men date women much like their mothers.”

    This line made me chuckle because my mother’s greatest complaint is that I have not been able to find someone like her…

  5. […] time ago, I briefly, vaguely, touched on the impact one’s parents has on future mate […]

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