“To feel the pain that spurs you on…”






A major conflict that has been raging, unnoticed, for nigh on two decades has been:


The Resilience Wars


As this article shows, Caucasian female deaths from alcohol consumption have increased dramatically. 


Many wonder why.


I’m not among them.


I’ve little doubt as to the causes.




I’ll state my conclusion, given the statistics provided and the knowledge I’ve shared here.


First and foremost, understand that, generally speaking:


Women use alcohol as a poison.


Men use alcohol as an anesthetic.


Men use it to escape misery; women use it to wallow in it.


Men try to show how much they can drink without getting drunk.


Women drink to show how drunk they can get.




As I’ve stated previously, women use suffering (subconsciously, at least) to demonstrate resilience.


Note: the article mentions the increase in white women’s rates, specifically. This is due to the simple fact that white men are the most uxorious bunch, out of the races (of men) implicitly provided. Other females have their need to suffer met. Thus, they feel no need self-administer.  I remind you, dear reader, we’re speaking in aggregates in this post.


In fact, more often than not, women’s complaints are (at heart) actually backhanded boasts of how much suffering they can take.




Tangentially: This is the reason they hate it when men try to solve their problems (when women don’t outright request it) —


It denies them the bragging rights.


It’s also why they mutilate themselves, these days, with terrible hair styles, unconventional piercings, obesity, tattoos and the frequent usage of obscenities.  


Since they’ve been denied external suffering, they’ll bring it upon themselves.




This is also why, in a macro sense, the statement “women ruin everything” originated.


1} They join a group

2} Use it as a proxy for the self

3} Test it (= test themselves) by going so far as to actually welcome destructive forces



Before the cry is raised, permit me to say:


Yes, all women are like that. 


The exceptions prove the rule by having had sufficient misery in their upbringing/past.


(Keep in mind, while the need is without exception, the degree to which it is necessary differs tremendously per individual.)


Thus they feel no need to invite more.


This is also why, historically, grandmothers are sought for female advice rather than mothers, sisters, et al. 


They’ve suffered enough so as to not feel the need to poison the well.




As I wrote in my first book:



In fairy tales, the most desirable/marriageable women

had terrible & harsh lives [“childhoods”].

This is not a coincidence but a lesson.



Now, to read my words here as a call to abuse women would be a gross misunderstanding, in every sense.


It should, instead, be read as what it is:


An elucidation of where the long, winding trail of human existence has led us.


And what we need to see in ourselves because of it.






22 Responses to ““To feel the pain that spurs you on…””

  1. Neocolonial Says:

    There is a poignant beauty in all that you write, be it at one and the same time hard or harrowing. It brings me a degree of calm and centeredness in what is, at many times, a world of chaos and consternation.

    God bless.

    • Neocolonial,

      I’m deeply honored.

      Thank you, Truly, for your kind words.

      They, and those like them, keep me writing and sharing it.



  2. Ace, I will try my utmost to match your pithiness in my opinion of this piece:

    You, sir, are a genius.

    I shall have to write a post in reply to this later if time permits.

    • Donal,

      I’m honored and humbled by your words.

      Thank you.


      Please don’t disappear on me because, in the not so distant future, I’d very much like to you write the forward to one of my books.



  3. Another spectacular musical choice. If only Layne had sung it…

    Definitely something to think about. I mean, at first blush, it would seem that women complain ’cause it’s what they do. But to posit that they do it to humblebrag and virtue signal…. that’s a hell of a reframe.

  4. When I was working my steps, at one point, a light went on in my head and I could see where God had and was working in my life, where I never saw it before. Much like that, this post, and your keen delivery have turned on a light in my head. Both the past and the present have been illuminated. Growing up my brother and I, under the tutelage of our Pops, came to see this behavior in our mother. My Pops would say “Your Mom is being a martyr.”

    Only in the extreme was I able to relate that to other females in my life. Now I expect, much like looking back at few conversations in the past week, this will be illustrated in every complaint I hear. Subtle or not.

    Thank you for your incredible insight.

  5. Max Foley Says:

    You’re on a roll lately, Ace. Gotta say that your voice has been missed. I’m out of the house right now but as soon as I can I’ll Paypal you for a copy of your book.

    Hope you’re well.

    • Max,

      Many thanks for the kind words. I also appreciate you saying my “voice has been missed”. With so many clamoring in this corner of the ‘net, I often think I’m easily forgotten. So, again, I appreciate it. If you’d like to order my book from me, the email address is: whiskeyandashes[at]gmail[dot]com

      It’s $7.99 US; please be sure to mention the email address to which you’d like me to deliver the PDF.

      Best wishes to you and yours,


  6. The only thing worse than being a woman needing to suffer is being the foolish man determined to heal it and prevent it. A lonely, futile and frustrating quest.

    Marriages, families and careers hurtling into the abyss like Thelma and Louise.

    Female astronaut, in a diaper, driving across the country to ambush a rival. Husband and kids completely oblivious to the drama.

    Mary Kay Letourneau. Husband and 4 children, forsaken for a 13 year old Samoan kid.

    The Menendez brothers, in prison for life and now happily married.

    Among men, anger and dismay. Among women, a knowing nod and roll of the eyes.

    Women are drowning in uxoriousness (what an excellent word). Smothered in it. We climb the Pedestal and find them dead in a pile of empty wine boxes and pill bottles.

  7. If you’re a dude and this pisses you off, good. That means you’re sane. Part of your purpose on this earth is to survey this feminine tendency to self-destruction, shake your head, and say, “No. This is madness that can only lead to suffering and sorrow. I will not allow it.”

    Faith before fear.

  8. […] reading a post by Ace on the feminine need for pain and suffering — whether externally or internally sourced […]

  9. I was reading this, and was thinking: “Well this sorta makes sense, but I don’t think it’s always true.” And then I realized that the best (most sane) girl I’ve ever met had had huge emotional trauma in the past. Her mom died when she was young. She was sated on pain and thus able to simply enjoy life.

    When you’re right, you’re right.

  10. […] have been meaning to write a follow-up to Ace’s post “To feel the pain that spurs you on” “To feel the pain that spurs you on” for over a week now, but […]

  11. This whole series is awesome.

  12. Hi – we were in contact a few years ago, but emails to amerikan5th@aim.com are bouncing now. Do you have another email I can contact you at?


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