“That’s why I cut you just to heal you.”






Since I’m unemployable, I do odds and ends jobs.


Thus, I find myself working manual labor for a military attorney in some extremely rural town in Oklahoma.


He’s a great guy.


We get along.


And he’s one of the few that doesn’t look at me like a total fuck-up, degenerate (what with my long hair and Motörhead facial topiary).


Smart man.


That one thing, if nothing else, brings him a windfall.




See, he’s 44 and dating a 20 year old.


Thus, it comes to pass that I – an overweight, former (well, mostly former) drunk, writer – sitting in his deceased mother’s recliner, walk him through how to handle her.


Don’t let her drag you into drama, I say.


Let her sweat your absence.


If you doubt whether or not you should respond to a message:


Always choose silence. 




I give the aforementioned directions between bites of mass-produced cherry pie and sips of 2% milk.


All the while, the 20 year old ingenue that looked at me as though she got whiff of dog shit when she met me—


Begs for his attention and binds herself to him with ever stronger ties. 




See, one of the hardest things for “Nice Guys” to understand is this:


Healthy women like to suffer.




It’s a feature; not a bug.


If they didn’t, humanity would’ve died out, long ago.


[Birthing, being what it is, and kids being pains while breast-feeding, and all.


Chalk yet another one up for the Book of Genesis.]




Brother, it’s no coincidence that “cutting” and women’s lib ended up on the same commuter train into town.


If you won’t hurt them, someone else else will.


And if no-one else will (boyfriend, dad, et al)—


They’ll fucking do it themselves.








21 Responses to ““That’s why I cut you just to heal you.””

  1. […] “That’s why I cut you just to heal you.” […]

  2. I’m sitting here thinking, “I want to “Like” this post”, but I don’t flipping like it. It doesn’t make it false. Honestly, I think you’re right and it is pain that keeps us in line and when we are in line . . . we are happy.

  3. Glad to see you back, amigo.

    “They’ll fucking do it themselves.” – Drama is a multi-billion-dollar 24/7 industry now. Teaching men how to bring it is the Next Big Thing; the Roosh Meet-up dustup will just increase the market.

    I’m starting to think the fabled 50’s and early 60’s were actually a low point in male-female relations. When the pied pipers of Feminism (don’t need no man) and soap opera culture (broad daylight chick porn) came along there were a lot of moving vans showing up in the cul-de-sacs. Can’t blame that all on the Boomers, much as I would like to.

    Good on you for mentoring this guy. I stand by my assertion that this is the most important knowledge a man can have. Alphabet soup behind a man’s name just makes him a bigger target without it.

    Siegfried & Roy had their white tiger, we have women. Beautiful + deadly = if you get complacent the results are similar.

    Game on.

  4. When your partner jokes that “he doesn’t want to slap you” and you just reply with “yes, you do” and it makes you feel better… there’s no denying that it has some appeal.

    Mental pain is not my thing: I get enough daily doses of it and it’s all I can do to shut it down and keep going like a normal person. But physical pain, whether it’s sexual, accidental, DOMS, self-inflicted or pure karma, sets a lot of things straight for me.

    • As always, SSW, I appreciate your input.

      We may quibble on a detail, here or there, but it seems to be consensus [if somewhat unwilling on your part 😉 ], more often than not.


  5. […] “Don’t let her drag you into drama, I say.” […]

  6. Ugly truths.

    This is where you really start to see where the rabbit hole leads.

    Kids can be such a pain in the ass – yet women love them so.


  7. Truth. It seems like 90% of our problems could be solved by early marriage and taking away the woman vote.

  8. […] source was Ace’s post, “That’s why I cut you just to heal you.”  The whole post, short as it is, is worth reading in full (as Ace’s pretty much always […]

  9. […] I’ll state my conclusion, given the statistics provided and the knowledge I’ve shared here. […]

  10. “If you won’t hurt them, someone else else will.

    And if no-one else will (boyfriend, dad, et al)—

    They’ll fucking do it themselves.”

    Damn. I finally got this. And it’s borne out in my experience. Women want to be corralled. They want to be constrained, to have limits put on them. They want men to put limits on them. To discipline them, to, well, punish them. To tell them “no”.

    Because these things hurt them. And they want that.

    My first college girlfriend used to say sex sometimes hurt her. The pressure. She said “it hurt, but it was a good hurt.”

    I didn’t get that then. I think I do now.

  11. John Smith Says:

    Fuuuuuuck, and just when I thought the pill couldn’t get any redder…

  12. […] post is in many respects a follow up to one he wrote almost a year ago- “That’s why I cut you just to heal you.” That post is one I also responded to, with The Misery Of Too Much Comfort. So in a way, this post […]

  13. Provide logical supporting evidence for your conclusions, please Says:

    “Brother, it’s no coincidence that “cutting” and women’s lib ended up on the same commuter train into town.”
    First, only 60% of the people who engage in self-injury like cutting are female; here’s the website I got the statistic from:
    So it’s almost half and half. It’s not a female-dominated phenomenon, it’s an adolescent-dominated phenomenon.
    My nephew is the only person I know who has done it, and he was not coddled by any stretch of the imagination; he was either abused or borderline abused, I’m not sure which, for most of his childhood. I’m sure it’s not always a response to abuse, but that website does state that it’s a way of dealing with emotional pain. (And no, I don’t believe it’s from the emotional “pain” of not having been hurt enough by one’s father, etc.!)
    Second, did I understand correctly that your primary line of logic underlying this blog post is that: women want to have babies in spite of the pain and suffering involved in childbirth and raising the kids, so therefore they must have some subconscious desire for that suffering?? If so, I must say, that is some seriously flawed logic.
    May I posit the alternative explanation that perhaps women recognize that sometimes it’s worth the investment of that pain, in order to achieve the extremely important, dare I say transcendent, goal of raising a human being up to be a good and productive adult?

    Some comments also made reference to women’s apparent desire for discipline, which I think can also be explained by their general appreciation for the value of growth (on their own part in this case), even if the cost involves some pain and suffering.

    I fear your post may come across as encouraging men to take advantage of women’s tolerance for suffering when good comes out of it, into the territory of pursuing that which is good for the man even if it is not also good for the woman. So if that is not how you meant it to sound, please clarify your position.

    • Anon,

      Your nephew is simply treating himself the way others have treated him. No more; no less. This is terrible, I confess, but it’s easy to understand. We all seek the familiar, even if it is horrendous. I sincerely wish him well.

      No, you misunderstand. I’m saying that women have evolved with a certain degree of masochism due to both biology and eons of ill-treatment.

      You seem to have missed the point that I’m neither defending nor encouraging abuse (a fact both commenting females Stingray and SSW understood quite well). Merely positing my own guesses.

      As far as the rest goes, life is logical, just not to prevailing sensibilities.

      Thanks for your time.

      • Provide logical supporting evidence for your conclusions, please Says:

        Thanks for your reply and for clarifying. I would like to understand why you go so far as to posit that women (even healthy women who are not actually masochistic by the usual definition) somehow appreciate (subconsciously, I assume you mean) suffering for its own sake as opposed to valuing the good that can come out of it, enough to tolerate it and appreciate it (as part of a whole package) under those circumstances. Specifically, I’m asking what logical supporting evidence you have for going as far as you do. The cutting doesn’t support your conclusion as I understood it, since your explanation for my nephew’s case can be equally applied to the cases where young women do it. And all of the other supporting premises given for your conclusion can be explained by the milder version of the proposition as described above (i.e., that healthy women simply appreciate the whole package of suffering+good that often come together, without appreciating the suffering itself for its own sake). Am I missing something?

      • You’re welcome. I believe you’re missing the evolutionary point I’m making: that females have adapted to circumstances over 1,000s of years. You request some academic paper when I offer centuries of human experience. My thought is we simply disagree and no more need be said.

        My best to you and yours.

  14. Provide logical supporting evidence for your conclusions, please Says:

    Actually, I’m not asking for an academic paper at all. Sorry if it sounded like that. What I meant was, what is it in those centuries of human experience that leads you to believe that women have adapted a greater degree of masochism than men, as opposed to a greater degree of appreciation for the good things that can be achieved through an investment that involves some suffering? Was there any supporting evidence besides the two points I already refuted (or can you rebut my rebuttals)? Thanks in advance.

    • No. You’re welcome to claim victory.

      A happy and healthy life to you.

    • What did you rebut? Where’s your logical proof?

      All I see is one link, “May I posit”, and “I fear”.

      Might I hazard a guess that you’re of the female persuasion or do I need to come up with DNA test?


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