“But find the ones that bring you life and you’ll find me…”






Although infrequent, I do receive mail asking my advice.


I drag my feet in replying.


Every single time.


Admittedly, I am a busy man but my procrastination is intentional.




See, in my time in this world I’ve learned:


No one will know your problems – and, most importantly, their solutions – better than you.


There is no one, True path because there is no one, True destination.


So, like any good psychologist or bartender, I let the man before me tell his tale.


Then figure out his own remedy as he speaks.




Now, I do offer some help.


A look under the hood at the ► engine of the world ◄, most often.


Or help ► gazing inward ◄, on occasion.


So, this week, I’ll assign some homework to keep the ball rolling.


1} Work on your personal boundaries and honest communication; practice saying what you mean. I’m 45, at the moment, and it’s still something that warrants sincere effort. 


2} Hunt around, in real life – if possible – or online if necessary (due to a handicap of some sort) for a new song, painting or poem you like. 


3} Buy new socks, underwear and (if you can afford them) new daily-wear shoes/boots. You’ll be shocked by the impact that has. Scout’s honor.


Then please share the results in the comments.




In closing, understand that whatever I ask of you is, in the end, for you.


There will be a day when my voice is silenced.


Never to return.


And if you think this blog, my books or my podcast appearances are about anything but love [fraternal/paternal/avuncular]—


Then you’ve missed my point entirely.


Brilliant. The kind only born out of the Pankration. The marrow, the blood, the viscera, both sweet and putrid. That is life, true life. The kind that willingly kills, born out of love for life. Most do not understand. We strive to. And 80 Proof is that window. Contempt for death. Love of life.







10 Responses to ““But find the ones that bring you life and you’ll find me…””

  1. Sutton Coldfield Says:

    1. Good timing for this advice. It is probably always well-timed advice though.

    2. I found Robert Louis Stevenson’s Requiem. It wasn’t the first one I was going to post, but it sticks with you more in the end.

    UNDER the wide and starry sky
    Dig the grave and let me lie:
    Glad did I live and gladly die,
    And I laid me down with a will.

    This be the verse you ‘grave for me:
    Here he lies where he long’d to be;
    Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
    And the hunter home from the hill.

    3. Great idea. I ordered new underwear within ten minutes of reading this post.

    • Sutton,

      1} It is most certainly worthwhile advice at any stage. I was completely serious that I, myself, still have problems with it. Refusing strangers is easy; refusing unreasonable loved ones is Herculean.

      2} Absolutely excellent choice.

      3} Glad to hear it! You’ll be happy you did. Now for socks. Man, their impact is vastly underrated.

      My sincere thanks to you for participating,


  2. 1. I did it once and I am about to do it again. I’ll report back.

    One thing I’ll say is that sometimes it helps to write what you want to say to someone to yourself. Then send it off as quick as possible!

    It’s oddly relieving to realize one has no further control over what happens next.

    2. Can I cheat and mention this song? I really like it. And I’ve found myself saying things to my Father, voicing appreciation that’s not usually said, appreciating when he lectures for what it is – Fatherly love – rather than nagging, that often and unfortunately go unsaid. Assuming I said it the right way, I think my newfound desire to spread my own wings is something he’s proud of.

    3. I’m in the field until 26 Jan. I am not in a good position to buy new underwear, but replacing old, sweaty, cold, wet underwear/socks/clothes, is a small slice of heaven.


    • Wald,

      1} Good idea but you really want to take the face to face risk. That’s the difficult part to learn to handle.

      2} As thrilled as I am that you like it – no cheating.

      3} Pleased you agree. Do so ASAP.

      Stay well,


  3. 1) Got a call from my old man demanding info while he was in Arizona. I told him I was busy and he’d get info when I had info.

    2) Funny you mentioned a poem – found an old haiku I wrote about 4 years ago:

    A Father’s sad tears
    Keep His eyes clear till He sees
    His Children return.

    3) New socks, underwear and since I had a surfeit of winter footwear already, a new pair of indoor slippers (This basement suite gets drafty so my old ones got lots of wear). It IS nice to rotate out some 5 year old stock.

    • JD,

      1} Good work. Solid boundary. And that’s a tough one at any age.

      2} Beautiful. Nice job.

      3} Thrilled to hear it. Simple things that have a big impact. Not the least of which is taking care of yourself.

      All the best to you & yours,


  4. 1. I’ve become more terse with my wife. Still communicating necessary information, just laconically. As most women do, she’s apt to ramble. She doesn’t like the terser style. I’m unconcerned, but will keep monitoring to see if behavior changes. Will also think of ways to communicate expectations and preferences clearly without rancor; she may not actually be making the connections, so a bit of help is fair.

    2. The new song recently is Clamavi De Profundis, “Sing of Durin.” It’s fantastic – a song of legacy and, indirectly, of our times. I think you’ll like it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxfoa23skHg

    I’ll actually throw in a second that will resonate with you. The under-rated musicianship of John Mayer speaks to anyone who has ever created a thing or a thought in the face of outside pressure and naysayers. “Walt Grace’s Submarine Test, 1967”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrcMMyNeJJs

    3. Recently did the underwear, socks, and shoes. Largely as happenstance. Yes, it is more cheering than one would think.

    • Joe,

      1} Outstanding! I wish you the best of luck and believe it’s movement in a very healthy direction. As you say “a bit of help is fair” since an often unnoticed mistake is that sometimes men change too quickly. Women can be convinced to deal with anything, really – even more so than men. But it’s a longer process. So do such at the pace you believe to be best. As I tell Wald often: you’re the one there. You know better than any. Just make an honest appraisal and do all you can.

      2} I’ll definitely check out the two pieces of music you shared and get back to you here. Thanks for sharing.

      3} I know, right? It really is – as they say – “the little things”.

      All the best to you and yours,


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