“Lock the front door, oh boy, got to sit down, take a rest on the porch…”






Throughout the numerous posts in this blog, I’ve offered and/or advocated many courses of action.


From understanding the importance of being yourself, to exercising, to cleaning one’s environs and to embrace/overcome one’s fear.


All of these, however share an extremely important end goal.


One I believe to be the most important in a man’s life.




Fourteen years ago, I had $64,000 in the bank, a car, a motorcycle, a great apartment, a high paying job and more friends at my reach than most garner in a lifetime.


Six years later the wheel of fortune turned, leaving me with little more than the clothes on my back and enough troubles to require an abacus to count.


So many, in fact, I needed a friend to help me vacate my apartment


When my friend and I stopped by my family’s home to borrow my dad’s truck (which he grudgingly loaned me), my father told my friend:


“[A♠] had it all and he threw it away.”


My friend was stunned into silence, at the time, but remains angry at those words to this day.




He believed my father to be so wrong as to be insulting.


Looking back, I’m sad to say my friend is the one who is wrong.


Yet, as much as that saddens me to confess, there is some comfort.




I believe my father was something worse.


He was right, yes—


But for all the wrong reasons.




See, he didn’t think I fought my fate as hard as I could regarding my dismissal from government service or to keep my girlfriend from leaving.


That couldn’t be further from the Truth.


Regardless, his statement is still correct.


I did “throw it all away”.


However, that’s because I never fully appreciated or even realized that which I had, at the time or earlier.


I was far too busy focusing on what I was missing: steady relationships, job satisfaction, et al.


Instead, I gave into grief and decided to die (albeit slowly).




Sure, I’d lost a tremendous amount but – had I made better choices – I could’ve started a business rather than drink my money away.


I could’ve gotten into even better shape than let myself go.


I could’ve taken a more careful stock of what blessings remained rather than squander them.




Now, I was literally mentally ill (depression), so I’ve lessened the self-assault considerably.


But it’s True that a simple change of focus and framing – along with some positive accounting – may have brought about a much better outcome.


Which leads me to the revelation I implied was imminent earlier in this post.


That most important of end goals?






Chasing happiness usually turns interminable on the hedonic treadmill.


The hunt for material things just creates a bigger toy-box to fill.


And constant, promiscuous sex tends to kill any real chance at love.


Even the pursuit of physical perfection ends in eventual disappointment as age takes merciless hold.


(None of that should be read as condemnation of having ambition and taking good care of one’s health.)




As for self-respect, dignity, a good name and the ability to appreciate one’s state?


Those are paths I’ve yet to see lead me anywhere but wondrous.



“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven..” 

― John Milton, Paradise Lost








9 Responses to ““Lock the front door, oh boy, got to sit down, take a rest on the porch…””

  1. “In the end, it’s all mental”

    The thing my Father credited the most for keeping my Mom, her health and will to live intact, was keeping her head in the game.


  2. Mountain Westerner Says:

    “And constant, promiscuous sex tends to kill any real chance at love.“

    I tend to wonder about statements similar to this “in the sphere” of men and men’s issues.

    Men are more likely (much more likely, and scientifically and historically proven) to call up the natural biological programing for collecting a harem of women and bonding deeply with all of them.

    It short-changes our biological possibilities. It fits better the feminine imperative “frame” that “men are broken women” and our biological imperative and abilities are somehow evil, wrong or bad. I vehemently disagree that we as men have in general this limitation.

    • I appreciate your civil disagreement tremendously. I agree entirely that men aren’t “broken women” and that men are geared more toward multiple partners. However, I’m far more inclined to believe we’re set for a smaller – more stable – number (a wife and a mistress or two) than a sizable harem. Hence my strong phrasing (constant, promiscuous). Sincere thanks for your time.

      • Mountain Westerner Says:

        Excellent, actually after seeing your response I am glad you are not forcing the Feminine Imperative coopted “Disney Princess serial monogamy” gynocentric model for men.

        Looks as if we actually agree on non-monogamy and relationships but simply quibble slightly on numbers but not the basis. Because having deep loving relationships with women is always my goal.

        The ability to come to understand the bitter realities of our human biological sexual dynamics and the nature of women makes a man rare and uniquely valuable. This in turn makes men capable of having a strong relationship and and keeping even a single mistress, particularly without socially programed guilt, very rare. I believe it also means we are already talking about one in tens if not one in a hundred or more men. This being reflective of high value genetics I think justifies the acceptance of this as a possibility of some and socially representing this as having value in the “sphere” therefore important.

        I worry when so many others out there deride nature and the value of the non-monogamous nature of man in favor of the feminine gynocentric “broken men” propaganda.

        Thank you for your thoughts given so freely to all.

  3. A♠,

    “See, he didn’t think I fought my fate as hard as I could regarding my dismissal from government service or to keep my girlfriend from leaving.”

    Your Dad came of age in a time where a man could stand up for himself without an entire social/political apparatus fighting against him.

    Not that life wasn’t hard in different aspects at that time as well, but if you were doing what was expected of you the external hassles weren’t there. Women kept each other in line, too.

    Every age has its injustices and problems; we’re living in an age of upheaval, be it organic or engineered. In every age, internal stability is far more beneficial than external.

    To view a situation with equanimity, to understand the times you live in, is also a gateway to opportunity. As Marshal Foch famously said,

    “My center is giving way, my right is in retreat; situation excellent. I shall attack.”

    He thoroughly understood the forces at work and knew exactly what to do. His moment arrived, because all the losses and frustrations up to that point had prepared him for it. We need the generals’ view of our lives sometimes.

    Peace and blessings amigo!

    • JD,

      “Your Dad came of age in a time where a man could stand up for himself without an entire social/political apparatus fighting against him.”

      Perfectly put and a tremendous cause of tension between he and I shortly after my mother’s death.

      I could write a book on that alone.

      God bless,


  4. Eduardo the Magnificent Says:

    Seven of hearts. Heart and mind are always intertwined. Where one goes the other always follows, whether we’re conscious of it or not.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: